confused and down

[trinket]

feeling down like i have no connection with people feels like it's only going to get worse now i'm 18
can anyone here talk about really low self esteem and not liking what you are or what you see its probly silly but getting me down need to talk with others who know please be nice

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((( trinket )))))))))))))))

Welcome to the forums, just so you know there is a chat room connected with this site.

Feeling down/low esteem/not liking yourself seems to go hand in hand with depression. Wish I knew why and really wish I had some answers to help. All I can say is there is good support both here and in the chat room.

Are you seeing a doctor for advice and medical help? Just wondering.

Keep posting, it does help to release some of the feelings that seemed trapped inside.

Warmsoul

[trinket]

i did have a go with a chat room on here but didn't no what to put so thought I'd give this a go as i don't find it easy talking to people around.

no I'm not seeing a doctor or anyone i don't think i have depression i just feel a bit depressed people say I'm just shy and need to get out but it's hard you know.
do you no anyone on here to talk to?
and thanks for the reply

[crystalgaze]

The only thing that comes to mind is if there is something you don't like, then work to change it. It's sort of like.... the ol' switcheroo & see if you like yourself any better. It really depends on the situation/details, so here's more of what I mean. (Keep reading.)

I'll give an example. I can tend to be forgetful, which I didn't like about myself. What I did was I started writing things down, as it comes to me so I remember them. If I have no paper, but I have my cellphone, it can record for about a minute, so I can use that.

One of the things I asked myself is: Is what I don't like about myself... REALLY THAT BAD?? If my answer is no, I leave that part alone, work on accepting it, balancing it (so I'm not too little or too much of something--think over & under) & not letting it be something that causes me pain.

(For example, I am gentle-natured & that doesn't change, no matter what I do with myself. I can say I'm going to be all tough, curse like a sailor, whatever & I'll still be gentle-natured. Now just because I'm gentle... that doesn't mean I have to be weak & let people take advantage of me. When I tried to be something else, I was pretty exhausted because it just simply wasn't me.)

You &/or someone who will have your best interests at heart are ultimately the best judge!! It may help to keep a log where you outline what you don't like & also what you DO like. Write it down; put it down; sleep on it; think about it; search yourself. ETC.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((( trinket ))))))))))))

There are several that are more comfortable just being here in the forums, and that is all right.

Hope you continue to post and talk with us.

Warmie

[Monty]

Welcome Trinket to our forum family.

I am one of those members that only post to the forums, I can't do the chat room thing. It is too fast moving for me.

For as long as I can remember people have been telling me that I am my own worse enemy and that I need to be easier on myself.

Over the years I was merciless on myself. Everything I said to people, or didn't say, I would replay over and over in my mind.

It got that I was afraid to open my mouth because I was sure that something absolutely absurd would come out of my mouth and people would be afraid to be near me.

Over the past couple of years (and I am in my 50's) I have gotten to the point that I will at least accept praise from people.

Even though we haven't known each other for long, I still want to praise you for taking a big step in posting to us.

Everyone in the forum are good listeners. Post when you feel comfortable. Maybe if you let us get to know some of the situations that you have been in that have caused you to kick yourself around the block, we can help you put them in a different perspective than you see.

Looking forward to getting the chance to know you better.

[WOMBLE]

HI TRINKET, I'm new here too, but from what I've read so far I think you'll find lots of people that will understand what you're going through. There's nothing silly about how you feel, the great thing about here is it's anonymous so just be as honest as you can, and remember your not alone.
Womble.

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Hi (((( trinket ))))!
I've had low self-esteem for a long time. Like you, I've often been described as shy. There is absolutely nothing silly about how you feel. As (((( Warmsoul )))) says, feelings of low self-esteem do seem to be part and parcel of depression.
Perhaps you might do as (((( crystalgaze )))) suggested, and focus on what you DO like about yourself, I found that to be very helpful in boosting my own self-esteem. Once I started looking for my positive qualities and strengths, I did actually quite surprise myself by how many I found!
I've never actually been on the chatrooms on this site. I think I'm more comfortable reading and posting on the forums, where I can think and read in my own time. I hope that you'll feel free to post as much or as little as you feel comfortable doing, as and when you feel that you want to. As (((( WOMBLE )))) says: you are SOOOOOOOOO not alone!

[trinket]

thanks for your replys, don't no weather to keep posting on here.
its nice for your understanding msgs I've never really been on sites like this before your right its easier when your anonymous

it's been a weird past month, i don't have a proper social life iam scared to make friend's with the fear they don't like me, i keep my self to my self.
i had a boyfriend recently that lasted about to 2 weeks i dumped him because i was convinced he wasn't attracted to me or there were some other reason why he would want to be with someone like me.

i left school very early because i was bullied poor excuse i don't get bullied now but i feel i'm the same person that i'm ashamed to be.
no school no education no education no work. people tell me i'm lazy and dont bother and that i need to get out there and just do it if it was that easy.
some days i feel it would be better if i wasn't here
sorry for my long rambling msg but what do you think? is this just silly?

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Hi (((( trinket ))))! I can understand quite a bit of what you feel, to the extent that I very often have feelings of low self-worth myself. Although, I need to also say that I certainly don't pretend to have all the answers! So, all I can really do is offer a few thoughts.
First of all your thoughts and feelings are certainly not at all silly! I often experience feelings of low self-worth, even to the point of genuinely wondering if I can even cope with, understand or even continue to survive in what can feel like a rather cold and implacable world. First of all I would ask you to remind yourself of what I keep reminding myself of when I need to, you are a unique and irreplaceable human being. Yes, I know that that may sound like a cliche. But, it is quite literally and obviously true. There will, quite literally never be someone exactly like you again. From the Big Bang to the end of the universe, across all the infinity of space, in all the numbers beyond counting of galaxies that ever have been or ever will be, there is one one (((( trinket )))). So, it would obviously not be better if you weren't here!
OK enough philosophy! I often feel that there are an awful lot of things that I lack, and it's difficult for me to then focus on the positives about myself. I've come to think that boosting self esteem is a bit like a lot of things, I know I need help to do it, but I also knpw that no-one else will, or even can do it for me. So, I try to start in small ways to try to change myself in the ways that I want to, small incremental changes that can take me in a better direction. ( And, if there are days when it seems that I'm going two steps forward and one step back, well I'm learning to take that more calmly too! )
You say that you have " no school no education no education no work ", ironically enough when I left university I was stuck in a similar but opposite predicament. I had a degree, but no work experience, but had difficulty getting work experience because I was so I was considered " overqualified "! It's frustrating, I find when my thoughts and feelings just get " stuck in a loop ", like that.
I would hope that perhaps you can find a way to break that cycle of " no school no education no education no work " in some way? Although, I admit that I couldn't really tell you how. However, just because you left school very early, it doesn't mean that it's too late for you to learn. Please DON'T give up on yourself!!!!

[WOMBLE]

THE WAY YOU FEEL IS NOT SILLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It can be distressing, scary, and lots of other negative words but it's not silly.
I'm silly, at least according to every child I've ever known, but I pay taxis so I can be as silly as I like!
Being bullied isn't an excuse, poor or otherwise, it's a reason.
It's a reason you left school with few qualifications. A reason you feel worthless. Don't allow some retarded ***** f*** up your life.

It's not too late for you to return to education, but don't do it for work, do it for YOURSELF. Get the prospectus from your local colleges, see what courses you would be interested in, resit exams you think you could've done better in. Contact Learn Direct they might be able to help with funding and give you advice. While you're doing that concider this; nearly a hundred years ago a man who left school with hardly any qualifications won A NOBEL PRIZE! a few years later he wrote E=Mc2 and changed the world. (if thats wrong I'll look a tit but it sounds great fairly sure it's right though)

CLICHE TIME: BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER.
I doubt a guy would want to be your Boyfriend if he wasn't attracted to you for some reason, and it could be anything from your hair, to your toes and anything inbetween. Yeah I know it sounds wierd but some people do like feet
If there wasn't another reason he was with you, something other than the way you look, well would you really want to be with someone that shallow?
There's alot more to you than what you see in the mirror.

One thing you could try to meet people/friends is make a list of your interests/hobbies and look for groups or clubs in your area involved in it. for example I like reading science fiction/fantasy books and I found a leaflet in my local library of a group that meets once a month and discusses them. You would meet new people with a shared interest (reduce risk of akward silence/nothing to talk about) they'll almost certainly be passionate about it so you can let them gibber on until you feel more relaxed. If you do have something to say your view/opinion is just as valid as anyone else.

One last thing, and this is the most important thing, it would not be better if you weren't here. We would be Deminished.

Take care Trinket, your not alone so dont let the illigitimate children get you down.

WOMBLE.

[trinket]

thank you for all your comments everyone they have been very helpful all of you
i do go to college just havnt been in i get nervous and worried but all is ok just got to kick my self, very hard and take your advise.

I think I'll stay on here you lot are very helpful so thanks

[WOMBLE]

Hey Trinket, I think I speak for everyone when I say Glad we could help in some way and I hope you do keep posting . Birds of a feather and all that.
WOMBLE

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Hi (((( trinket ))))! Like (((( Womble )))), I also hope that you'll continue posting, as much or as little as you feel comfortable doing so.
I can also second (((( Womble's )))) idea of joining a group with the same interest or hobby as you. I'm hugely interested in shows like Doctor Who, Star Trek, Buffy, etc, and I find that that has helped me to get to know a lot of new people.