DESTRUCTIVE URGE

[Mich]

Please come back. Let us help you through this difficult time as you have helped us so many times. Don't worry, your secrets are safe here.

[darklight32]

secrets are safe?:lol: well, to start it off, i laugh at the face of danger, knowing that i will lose, but i will not give up just because they have the advantage, onwards as i go, fighting, the thrill of the adrenaline pumping me up, i am rusty and dull, shall i sharpen my sword before the real danger comes? I'll think i'll do that in the mean time....

[crystalgaze]

Dearest Ken,

Do what you feel you must do. We are here, if you need us. You'll be missed!

In the meantime, it's my turn to hold the fort, right?

Don't feel bad about revealing secrets; it's sometimes in revealing them that you can free up yourself (like freeing up space on a computer) or make yourself a little more comfortable!

Please take very very good care of yourself!!!! I hope your new meds will work better!

Love you lots! ~Onika

P.S. If it bothers you that I said that, I know you'll come back & box my ear! LOVE YOU LOTS!

Return when you feel ready, if you feel like it; you will be welcomed back with open arms. Please don't beat yourself up about any thing; just do your best! That's all any one can ever expect.

[xn728]

(((((ONIKA))))),If i were close enough to box your ears ,id reach out and give you a great big hug ,you made me weep with your kind comments
and those nice words were very uplifting ,,,ok im back in the fort now
the warrior will return soon ,and i.ll be right at your side ,,,,,love you lots
(((((onika))))) hugs ken xxx
and i love you lots all my dear freinds thanks for your support,,and your concern you are all trully dear freinds ,, ,,,,,,hugs ken xxx

[crystalgaze]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( KEN! ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

~lol~ I was really at a loss for words! Glad you are feeling a bit better!

Take as long as you need. Just take care of yourself!

[xn728]

(((((((ONIKA))))))),, stop feeling embarrased ,onika you deserve kind and caring words in return ,,when i first saw your message i was speechless and it did a lot to lift me back up ,,so thank you so much ,,im sorry i went away ,,but it will have to happen now and then ,,ok but dont worry i,ll always return ,,the old man takes some keeping going these days,,,lets hope they dont run out of ,OLD MAN SPARE PARTS LOL,,
hope to catch you later hugs (((((onika))))) ,,,,,,ken xxxxx
(((lisa ,mich darklight , and robyn ))),,,thank you for your kind words and im sorry if i made you worry ,,,,,,its my turn now ,,,hugs ken xxxx

[xn728]

oh dear im in so much pain with my stomach i dont know what to do ,,i cant sit still ,if i sit down its like ive got a bag of broken bottles in my insides ,,cutting me up with every small movement ,,this is what happens
when you hide things you think your doing it for the best ,,but then it blows up in your face ,this foul little thing growing inside me is darker than the visitor ,and does show me more pain ,,im so stupid ,,dohhhh
Hugs Ken xxx

[crystalgaze]

((((( Ken ))))))) Ah, I hope your tummy will calm down soon! & nah, you're not stupid... I understand this a whole lot better now, but isn't it that you believed you were doing the best thing for everyone?

You did your best, so it's okay. Hope you feel better soon!

[xn728]

oh (((((onika))))),,you know what im like for not shareing ,,but this is crippling me ,,i can bearly stand ,,you know i feel scared inside ,does that make sense ,you say you understand this a whole lot better now ,i wish i did ,i must go my dear freind i cant even do my goodnight post ,,so ill do it here goodnight (((onika thanks for talking to me)))lots of love
goodnight my dear freinds ,,hope things are better tommorrow ,hugs ken
xxxxxx

[xn728]

I,LL BE SEEING THE DOC OR THE NURSE THIS MORNING IM IN A LOT OF PAIN INSIDE ,,AND IM VERY WORRIED ,,I THOUGHT THEY HAD CALMED IT DOWN WHILE I WAS AWAY ,,BUT IT SEEMS WORSE ,,ILL LET YOU KNOW HOW I GO ON ,,DONT WORRY ,,.see you later ,,my dear freind ONIKA,,,,sorry about the caps lock ,,i keep leaving it on ,,,lol,,love hugs ken xxxxx

[xn728]

the painkillers are all they can give me ,,and rest they say ,,what a bloody joke that is ,how can i rest ,,i can move around and walk normally
so fran doesnt see ,,but the pain is horrible like glass being shaken around in my guts ,,i keep expecting to see my insides hit the floor any minute ,,i can stand pain but this is something else ,,imm going now ,
thankyou so much for asking about me ,,i dont like being negative all the time ,,i really feel bad for having to talk about these things ,,,ill see you all tommorrow ,,,,lots of love ken thanks ,(((((ONIKA)))))XXX

[crystalgaze]

Ah, Ken... It's like what you said, "DON'T WORRY!"

All right... Together now... "I believe this can be reversed. I will be calm."

I forgot to put in my other post. Don't regret how you lived. The point is you lived. Did you make mistakes & errors? Ya, sure, but we all have at some point! No more beating up yourself!

Also don't feel bad about talking here. You're not able to talk to your family, so you must get it out some place. You picked a great place!

(((((((((((((((( Ken ))))))))))))))))) Please, please, take good care & don't worry! Just move in a calmer manner!

[xn728]

thanks (((((onika ))))) i understand what your saying ,,and i do try to forget things ,,but when you have stood and watched your parents house burn down its pretty hard to get out of your mind ,,thanks for your kind words i do so apreciate them ,,i must take it calmer i have some tablets for that ,,but i always forget them ,,and by the time i remember ive got wound up ,,and thanks i do share but it take time sometimes but i always get it out ,,i still have trouble taking in the fact that everyone cares about me so much ,,,keep waiting for the bubble to burst ,,,,,,,,ill take care and will try to calm down a little ,,,thanks (((((onika)))))hugs love ken xxxx

[xn728]

Strange that i feel ok YET NOW I FEEL SO BLOODY ANGRY ,,but ive just tried to answer to a post ,,quite a long reply to ,,hoping that i could help someone to see a little clearly ,,,
i put my heart and soul into these replys i write,and i press submit ,and the little blue circle spun for around 30 seconds ,, and then the post just went,and a screen said oops you lost the link ,,please click here ,,so i got back on the forum and its gone ,,i feel gutted it took so long ,,but the worse thing is ive gone from feeling good to feeling so angry ,,and if i click this and it does the same ,,then this will be the first lap top in space
without the aid of a rocket ,,,,sorry but im not laughing ,,,hugs love kenxx
ok here goes CLICK