Feeling at my lowest (Triggering)

[CrazyLady17]

Spent all evening in the hospital again after attempting suicide again and self harming loads.
Feel so low it's unreal now.

Went to the homeless shelter this morning and gave them the gifts that were for Rosie for her birthday/Christmas and watched them open them and watch them smile and it was such an amazing experience.
I've now volunteered to do some shifts at the homeless shelter a few hours a day and thy agree to it and I start tomorrow at 1pm woo!!

So proud of myself.
Get me!!!
This is a new begingining for me

[no_answer]

This is great. Only someone who really suffered much can help others who are suffering. That idea giving gifts and time to the shelter is a very good one. I'd never come up with that. It's awesome you found energy to do it. You may have more energy than you thought you have and putting it to a very good use now.

[CrazyLady17]

Aww thank you so so much!
Well it's all down to Frame to be honest, as he helped me with the idea and told me to ask for volunteering work and tolde to give the gifts to the shelter, so I took Frame's amazing idea and made that my goal today and I actually succeed and now make it a thing now.

I guess so yes. But.... The downside I things is ... That I still feel pretty depressed, low and having suicidal thoughts(bad one too), but I am hoping with time they'll pass over.
Already attempted today and ended up at the hospital again. And I have been told I could miscarry the baby!!

Need advise

[CrazyLady17]

Today is the day.....
Today is the very first day I go to the homeless shelter and volunteer a few hours of my time to help them out a little. This will also hopefully help me out and keep me busy and keep my mom distracted for a few hours from my horrible, bad thoughts I've been experiencing and having lately. I feel quite scared about going as i am scared I will fail and I will mess up and make my depression even worse than it is now.

Is that even possible? Can my depression get any worse than it is now?

I could quite easily go back to bed and give up and not face the world today! But..... I am trying to stay positive and strong today!

[CrazyLady17]

Need some tips or advice or some support!!

Having really bad thoughts again, suicidal ones too! Had another panic attack earlier on this morning and this isn't like me at all. What is going on? Why all of a sudden have I started to have panic attacks?

[CrazyLady17]

Had enough.
That's all I've got.

[CrazyLady17]

Got bad thoughts once again. I'm sure it's mostly worse when it's time to go to bed? Is that even normal or possible?!!
I have very strong suicidal thoughts right now- but I am too tired and drained and exhausted to try and distract myself.
Oh I feel right back at square one again.
Well done Abbz, you're such a fail at everything

Anybody got any tips on how to sleep?

[CrazyLady17]

This morning I woke up and wondered to myself;
"Why am I still alive"? "Why did I not succeed the second time round"? I fail at just about everything I do in my life, my parents think I'm such a mistake and disappointment, my friends are harsh towards me and I feel so isolated.

I just keep on getting more and more depressed.

[CrazyLady17]

Feeling at my lowest again... Thought I could really beat this depression.... But I can't- I can't face this alone anymore. I have had enough now and feel like seriously giving up and just switching the world off and going to sleep and never waking up again.
Hate feeling at my lowest.

Anybody else felt this way?

[CrazyLady17]

I feel at my very very lowest again! All of a sudden the bad thoughts have come rushing back and hit me straight in the face and now I have to deal with all these voices and horrible, bad thoughts all over again... When will all this end seriously? I want to be normal again.

[CrazyLady17]

I hate my depression now!!!
Needing to vent off, needing to scream, needing to cry and cry my eyes out. Needing to harm myself, but trying to hold myself back from that. Trying to be strong, but failing to do that. I fail at everything, oh wow.

[CrazyLady17]

Went to bed feeling "okay ish" and now woken up by a horrible nightmare and now feel at my damn lowest again and now got all the bad thoughts came rushing back into my head and messing with my head early in the morning and I can't stop crying and crying.
Wish I had the strength inside me just to fight these battles but I haven't and they once again have won.

One day I WILL fight this battle and one day I WILL win!!