Can't explain how or why I feel the way I do

[Angie16]

For years I have wondered if I have depression. And I have always felt silly wondering that. I haven't had any tragedy in my life, there are no big reasons behind why I feel the way I do

At times I feel inexplicably sad. Can't stop crying, the smallest thing will make me start. And it's over nothing. A lot worse if I'm stressed about sometime. I'm 21 now, and I've been like this since I was about 14. Last night I was at my boyfriends, and throughout the evening I felt it coming on but kept pushing it away. This weird sadness creeping in. When we went to bed I started crying and just couldn't stop. I cried myself to sleep. And I cannot explain why, to anyone, even myself, why I am so sad. It just happens. He is great and tries to be very understanding, just wants to know what made me upset. I just get this overwhelming feeling of loneliness and hopelessness, and have to remind myself that my life is good and I have things to look forward to. But I get into my own head too much, telling myself that I'm going to fail. Constantly reminding myself of mistakes that I've made. I think that I'm the biggest pressure in my life.

I never bring this up with my doctor because I feel like I've learned that this is just the way I am, and kind of gotten used to the ways I deal with it. And it's not all the time. I think I'm better during the summer. But I always wonder if there's something I could be doing to make this go away, that I don't have to get these feelings.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for here. Maybe someone who understands, has some advice. It's so hard for me to explain to anyone in my life.

[Esther]

Hey,
I know how you feel, sometimes it feels like my life is going on as normal. I go to classes do the work come home, talk to friends and them out of nowhere something really small sets me off.
Sometimes its a sad thought and a sadness that overwhelms and other times it is anger at my life, the choices i have made and the way people treat me.
I have been bullied and looked down on ever since i can remember and as i grow up i keep thinking that it has changed and then something like someone rejecting me makes me feel unwanted all over again.
I try to watch as many comedies as i can and try to engage myself in the story lines and gags, i guess sort if transporting myself into another world. I think it is running away from the problem but i dont have people i can talk to so i do that.
I am also a christian and i believe my faith has kept me going but then when the sadness comes i find myself questioning things and that then turns to guilt and it continues in this vicious cycle.
I havent said everything but i hope you can confide in me since you say you find it hard to explain to people in your life.