Depression Understood Forums

brief history on me. in 1983 i was in the mental hospital after my best friend ever died from cancer. he was only 23. it killed me! i still miss him today 27 years later!

anyhow, they diognosed me as manic depressive. they put me on lithium, and i was cured 100% i stayed on lithium for 4 years, then they said i'm fine, and i went off and have been off since!

today i think i am manic depressive and it shows up in a form i call night and day.

during the datime when it's light out, cars are moving, people are calling, lights are on, things are happening,life is "getting done" i'm fine. i'm up about feeling positive,like anything is possible,and every day is a new day.

then there is the other side~~~nighttime.

between 3:00am and 6:00am before the sunlight comes up, i feel restless,hopeless,afraid,freightened,pessomistic,i feel like my whole life passed me by and there isn't anything in the futre worth living for. i feel like i have no friends,no job,no hobby's no nothin, and that my life was a waste, and in the future it will be a blank hole filled with boring empty times,of let downess, and utter despair.

so those are my two minds/sides

anyone else feel this way about day and night? does anyone have any comments?

ive been on lithium for ,well a long time ,,it just keeps my mood stable ,
i have no night or day just a continuam ,with periods of light and dark ,
i see things the visitor shows me ,past present and sometimes the future
i felt ok the last few days ,but im going back into the darkness now ,slowly but surely ,,so yes i know how you feel ,,nothing ,no good
no future ,no happiness ,but i did feel happy just for a short while
BUT NOW THE GOOD BIT ,this forum has been a life line for me ,and if you find half the kindness and support i have then you will be blessed
so all i can say is sorry for filling your thread with a lot of me but you did ask ,,your name isnt familier ,so ill say welcome to the forum ,,i hope you find some support here ,and the warmth of the forum will give you comfort ,,if you stumble on this journey ,reach out and we will catch your fall ,,welcome again my dear freind ,,,,,,xn728 xxx

Hello tishntosh,
I have bipolar and like you, i feel good during day time and i can do lots of works and being positive all day. However during night time, especially when it is almost dawn, i have racing thoughts and usually i will have panick attacks and i will feel really depressed and worry about small things. But lately, i try to control the thoughts and some good things also happen to me, so i manage to control my manic depressive and also my panic attack. Maybe you can talk about this to your doctor and see if he has any input on this?

dandelion

I think that you are absolutely right, I feel the same way, I've even seen references to this feeling in popular culture.
There's an episode of a science fiction show called Babylon 5 that describes this feeling very well. Susan Ivanova refers to the time around 4:00 AM as the " Hour of the Wolf ", when you're all alone, and all you can see are the ways your life should have gone but didn't and the only sound you can hear is the beating of your heart.
In the crime novel Red Square, the central character, Chief Investigator Arkady Renko, reflects to himself that there is no hole deeper than 2:30 in the morning, the hour when fear rules the world.
And, according to the Guardian newspaper, ( So, it MUST be true! ), it is scientifically true that the life-processes of the human body are at their lowest ebb at 4.48 AM. ( A playwright, apparently even wrote a prose work on this subject entitled 4:48 AM Psychosis. This playwright experienced severe depression herself, and tragically ended in taking her own life. )
So, I'm convinced that there is some link between worsening depression and anxiety and the early hours of the morning. When I'm lying awake with insomnia, I always find the hours between about 2:00 AM and 4 AM are the worst.
So, I think that you are definitely on to something.

Tishntosh - I also find this to be true. If I am suffering from insomnia (which I frequently do) and happen to be up at that time, I find that I am at a terribly low place...completely and utterly hopeless.