Survival, My Threshold For A Successful Life

[MindHalfFull]

Plenty of people have lived tougher lives than mine, but my fragility makes my experience more like a POW survivor or similarly traumatizing. My mother gets 100% credit for providing me the opportunity to stay alive. I can't give into suicide like two of my brothers have, she deserves my survival. However, every day I question my motivations to live. To live healthily must have a motivation, a goal, a purpose... I can say staying alive is the ultimate goal, which has worked in the past, but that being the driving motivation in time reviles the hollow core of its supporting momentum.

I'm a very talented person with admirable personality traits. Just about everyone that meets me or chats with me thinks of me as fair, reasonable, logical, intelligent and pleasant to interact with. My problems are self generated by my mind for 3 decades now, and they've prevented me from enjoying who I am and goals I can achieve. I've had plenty of support from doctors, therapy, treatments and opportunities to keep busy and keep my mind off of the unfortunate things in my life. Nonetheless, I have always circled back to the very beginnings of where my problems start. This complete circle I can't deviate from, I know will be the death of me if/when my mother passes.

I feel I must imprison myself because I have too much heart to cause others sorrow. My survival is how I achieve success. I'm open and willing to endure agony for the sake of what is right, while at the same time the same agony will be the death of me. I've tried all the short-cuts, all the tough but admirable paths, and all the therapeutic methods out there and still end up back to the beginning of everything. I'm tired, desperate yet unwilling to quit yet. Surviving these pains are going to be the death of me, and I fear that the thoughts telling me my efforts are futile from the very beginning will be as accurate as they've always felt.

[lettucesir]

Plenty of people have lived tougher lives than mine, but my fragility makes my experience more like a POW survivor or similarly traumatizing. My mother gets 100% credit for providing me the opportunity to stay alive. I can't give into suicide like two of my brothers have, she deserves my survival. However, every day I question my motivations to live snow rider 3d. To live healthily must have a motivation, a goal, a purpose... I can say staying alive is the ultimate goal, which has worked in the past, but that being the driving motivation in time reviles the hollow core of its supporting momentum.

I'm a very talented person with admirable personality traits. Just about everyone that meets me or chats with me thinks of me as fair, reasonable, logical, intelligent and pleasant to interact with. My problems are self generated by my mind for 3 decades now, and they've prevented me from enjoying who I am and goals I can achieve. I've had plenty of support from doctors, therapy, treatments and opportunities to keep busy and keep my mind off of the unfortunate things in my life. Nonetheless, I have always circled back to the very beginnings of where my problems start. This complete circle I can't deviate from, I know will be the death of me if/when my mother passes.

I feel I must imprison myself because I have too much heart to cause others sorrow. My survival is how I achieve success. I'm open and willing to endure agony for the sake of what is right, while at the same time the same agony will be the death of me. I've tried all the short-cuts, all the tough but admirable paths, and all the therapeutic methods out there and still end up back to the beginning of everything. I'm tired, desperate yet unwilling to quit yet. Surviving these pains are going to be the death of me, and I fear that the thoughts telling me my efforts are futile from the very beginning will be as accurate as they've always felt.

I hear you, and I want you to know you’re not alone. It’s understandable to feel lost, especially with so much on your mind. Your love for your mom is clear, and I know facing the future without that anchor feels overwhelming. Just take it one step at a time. If you ever want to talk, there are people who care and want to support you. You matter.

[Feelingsareweird2]

" I've tried all the short-cuts, all the tough but admirable paths, and all the therapeutic methods out there and still end up back to the beginning of everything. I'm tired, desperate yet unwilling to quit yet."

It's great that you're unwilling to quit. That's good. You have such a fighting spirit. That's so admirable. You've mentioned trying everything in the world...have you tried Jesus? I'm not the best ''christian", not sure I can call myself that. But when I really need it, a prayer helps. Give it a try