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I'm tired.

Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2020 9:51 pm
by katattack
I'm tired of faking orgasms. I'm tired of the shame of telling people I fake it every time because, sorry, but I'm tired of men's lack of understanding of the area. Sex is exciting emotionally, but physically, I am just never close. I'm shy. I don't want to be bossing someone around like the professor of my vagina. I'm so tired of meeting with attractive men knowing that I'm the shit, but then as soon as I'm around them I'm bashful. I'm f****** exhausted. I'm tired of my father being predatory and judgmental of my appearance, but not enough for me to be able to fully want him out of my life. I'm tired of my mother being complicit. I'm tired of my friends being in bad moods and not asking me how I'm doing. I'm tired of existing inside my own little insular world and not having someone there for me, to hold me at night. I'm tired of dating. I'm tired of being afraid people won't like what I look like in real life versus my dating profiles. I'm tired of my brain. My trauma response is constantly going and it's absolutely unrelenting. I'm so tired.