Depression Understood Forums

So I have this plan that iv always been too chicken to carry out. let me know if it sounds crazy. So i want to quit my job and travel the world and rescue animals and do all the cool things people say they'll do "when they have time or when they have money". I wanna do that now. Screw buying a house and doing the whole 2.5 kids and white picket fence nonsense. I'm gonna use up all my savings traveling and then when i run out of money kill myself. cos at the end of the day what is the difference? i could be boring and live to 90 and wait till I'm old and decrepit to do fun things by which time il probably be too disabled to do anything. why not live life now and then end it all? its the same goal in the end. one is short and cool and fun the other is long and boring and drawn out. but we all die in the end.

That is one way to think about life. I recall having the same bleak outlook in my teens and especially twenties, which seemed rational at the time. I am now in my 30's and what I finally came to realize is that there is more to life than just ourselves and our own needs, wants and desires.

Life is greater than ourselves. So what I found to help is to focus on enriching the lives of other people and animals. I am a full-time informal carer for my uncle. Once I got his life established and a good quality of life, I was focusing on a friend. Now, I bought a beautiful golden pure breed Labrador puppy from a breeder three days ago. I was going to adopt a puppy or dog from the shelter, but with limited options and distance, I went with a breeder to be sure I get the right companion.

Because he is a puppy, I can focus on giving him the best doggy life ever. I’m so excited at the challenge to raise him and train him, and the opportunity to give my boy a beautiful life, adventures, and companionship that we will both remember forever in our hearts.

I find when I focus on other people or animals rather than only my needs or wants, then life is worth living. Life has meaning. Life has purpose.

I don’t know when my time is up… nobody does. But while I’m here, healthy and able, I may as well be useful and enrich the lives of other people and animals. I may as well do what I can to contribute to this world to the best my ability rather than leeching from it. The rewards in return for enriching the lives of others are far greater than I would ever receive by only serving my own needs and wants.

Then there is the spiritual work and goals. I am building my relationship with Jehovah God. This in turn creates meaning and purpose as well as keeps me busy and grounded.

Furthermore, I may have a family of my own one day, too. I probably won't, but it may happen. So I want to keep that option open because I will make an amazing husband and father and enrich their lives and bring out the best in them before my time is up, whenever that may be.

Perhaps think your post through a bit more and reason it out. You will find meaning and purpose in life. Try to think outside the box aka outside just ourselves. Find something that you feel is worth living for.

Right now, there are many reasons for me to live. If it was just for me, it probably wouldn’t be enough and I would be having the same bleak outlook to life that I did in my twenties. But because I have made it so that I have responsibility over other lives, then I need to be on top of my game and keep it together, if not for me then at least for their sake. There is no pulling the trigger for me. That is no longer an option because of the choices I have made over the past several years. Right now, my uncle, friends, and Spleefy (I named my puppy that lol) depend on me and I will not let them down or abandon them.

Hang in there. You will find meaning and purpose. Just find things that make it so ending life is no longer an option. Find something that makes you determined to hang on to life, even possibly embrace it. Usually this comes when we no longer focus on serving only ourselves.

At a young age I had Ideas such as what you describe but eventually I started to think differently. As I would observe others around me who have had adventurous experiences or great opportunities I also noticed their resulting happiness or lack there of. I ended up not seeing any significant difference between the fortunate and the ones with average opportunities. My conclusion then became that it is your mind's perception of yourself, your life, and the people around you that make up what your life can be. If meditating monks sitting in silence are some of the most happy and peaceful people on earth, there must be something about the idea of "less-is-more" that brings happiness.

I deeply encourage you to talk to someone about how you're feeling. Life is a gift and, thought it may seem drawn out at times, each moment is a gift. Your life is incredibly valuable, and I believe that you were created for a purpose.

Before you make any decisions, would you consider calling 855-382-5433? They can set up a free appointment with you to talk to a licensed counselor. They maybe able to give you a different perspective on things.

Praying for you, friend.

Dearest The Plan To End It All,

I definitely feel ya. Feel free to message me. I'm not sure if you can on here but I definitely know what you are going through because I've been struggling with the thoughts of suicidal and just running away, doing what you mentioned, for years now. I'd say it is worth it because yes, in the end we all come to the same crossroad: Death. What you need to know before even considering it, is if you can actually do it. Don't take this the wrong way. Me personally, I'm not scared to die, but when I point a loaded pistol to my face and finger on the trigger, I feel queazy and anxious. If I wanted to commit suicide, I'd want to feel peaceful, not that. Just some advice from my end.

I know life is miserable and reality is worse, but it is what it is. We can cry about it all we want, but it isn't not going to change a damn thing, unfortunately. I need to take my own advice on this, but try to figure out why you feel this way. I try my damndest but when I really think of it, it's my living situation I'm not happy with. Even if I am happy with short lived happiness, at least I'm happy for a moment instead of miserable. I come to distract myself from my thoughts, but some days it is extremely hard.

Another thing is to reach out, like here for instance. Cudos to that. This ia the first I am reaching out, personally, and the way I put it to my husband is I just need someone to listen and understand what I'm feeling. I don't want anyone to try and help me, because I know if isn't ever going to go away and if they try to help, they ultimately don't understand what you are going through 100%. I wish more people understand and just listened, but our world today, well, it isn't as understanding as it once was anymore...

Anyways, best of luck. I hope things are better for you. If you ever want to talk, I'm sure we can figure out a way. As far as the job goes. Try to find one you enjoy. That you want to live for. That I what people recommend. Try to find something you want to wake to and for. I'm still working on finding it. The only reason I haven't killed myself when I am at my all time low is because I want to see my kids one last time and that one last time doesn't seem to end. Thank God for my mind's trickery. Haha Let your little sun shine! Live bright.

-Rea