Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.

Moderators: windsong, cj-, BlueGobi, Moderators, Arryn, Frame

Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Jun 02, 2019 2:06 pm

Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby Lobule1234 » Sun Jun 02, 2019 2:24 pm

I have suffered with depression for about 10 years. I’m 24 years old and I’m so drained of feeling like this every single day.
I’m in a relationship but find it so hard to sustain because my partner doesn’t know how to deal with my depression and anxiety. He’s a pharmacist and knows all the signs and knows all about it but struggles to deal with it when I have bad episodes. I’ve been suicidal quite often and a few times I was found on the edge of a bridge on the motorway just feeling so empty and alone. I feel as though the Floor has been lifted from beneath my feet and I’m just floating. I don’t enjoy doing anything I don’t have any friends. I had one friend who’s now got a baby and doesn’t have time to speak to me or see me. Now we don’t talk. I see my partner every night and I’ve started to be fake happy, bottling up my emotions for an hour has made me become so quiet. I don’t speak. I work in a pharmacy and I stand at the back and do my work and don’t speak a word to anyone because I don’t know how to communicate anymore. I don’t have a good relationship with my family because all my siblings have moved out. My parents have divorced 5 years ago and I live in my dads house with his mum. My dads always away with his new girlfriend who’s from Canada. I barely speak to him, My mum lives with her new boyfriend and doesn’t bother speaking to me or seeing me, she’s ok with the rest of the siblings but me. It’s been 5 weeks today since my mum has spoken to me. I hate working I cry myself to sleep every night I’m just so drained. My relationship nearly ended last night because he said he didn’t want to be with me because he doesn’t trust me and can’t deal with my mental health. I’ve been to the doctors and trying to get help but it’s just not working. I did careless things in my relationship which made my partner lose trust in me. Such as having pictures of my ex in my room not knowing they were there and other things. I’ve never cheated on him and never would I love him so much and I want to get married to him but I feel like he doesn’t see anything longterm because there’s no trust.

I self harm a lot. Drink ridiculous amount of alcohol from time to time. I’m drained out now I just want to kill myself and get it over and done with. He hates me what am I even doing in my life why am I here why did god put me on this Earth I feel like shit every day why do I have to suffer. I’m holding onto my partner because I love him and want to be with him but I know he doesn’t want me or else he wouldn’t have ask to break up. My gran use to tell me to go die and I would be better off, my family hate me so much I’m so alone in this world

Tired toad
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri May 31, 2019 10:33 am

Re: Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby Tired toad » Mon Jun 03, 2019 8:44 am

I know you’ve probably heard this before, but don’t kill yourself. No matter how hard, tiring, or full of bullshit life is, you have to try to hold out hope that one day things might get better, and you will find someone that not only understands what depression is, but how to help. Also, talking might help. Weather it’s a support group, your s/o, it might help to talk it out. Even though the voices in your head and everyone else says that you are better off dead, don’t listen. My friend has this philosophy and it’s that everyone was made for a reason, no matter how big or small, you matter. If you want to talk, I will be here, but it’s up to you. Stay safe.

Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2019 8:58 am

Re: Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby jayreb » Mon Jun 03, 2019 9:04 am

I'm sorry that you're feeling like this.
I wonder the same thing as of why put me on this earth knowing that I can't handle it.
My parents are divorced as well and it's one of the worst things that's ever happened. I get threatened by my mom daily.
Yesterday, my mom told me that it would be better if I wasn't here which is probably true.
I do feel stuck and woke up this morning hating myself cuz i have feelings of suicide.
It sucks just lying here.

Posts: 64
Joined: Thu Jun 01, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby j2415 » Mon Jun 03, 2019 12:41 pm

Hello- I’m so sorry you are going through such a tough time. You may not see it now but God put you here on earth for a reason. You have a purpose. The Bible says, give all your concerns to God because He cares for you. I pray for God’s peace and comfort be upon you as you bring all your concerns to Him and you will not give up.

Do not harm yourself. Please know that you are not alone because we are here and we care for you. I hope you will be encouraged by others’ experience in coping with depression. I hope to hear from you again. I pray that things will get better for you. Take care and God bless.

Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2019 6:39 pm

Re: Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby kenopam » Mon Jun 03, 2019 6:58 pm

I've fallen into a depression because of my mother in her last days of dementia made it apparent that she didn't want anything
to do with me. I caused a great deals of havoc with my toxic codependency addictions, my alcohol and drug use and my eating disorder that turned to bulimia for 30 years. I'm sober 3 months this time. I've had 20 years sober but it's been broken up! Alcohol is a big time depressant. I go to AA which lifts me for a while being around the people. I spoke yesterday to an expert on codependency and asked her what groups I should go to for that and she told me Al-Anon saved her life! Her name is Darlene Lancer and she's on youtube and facebook. Codependents grew up with no sense of self so they used people, or substances or processes to avoid the pain! Also in my family nobody talked feelings so it was very repressive.
Being alone is very bad when you're depressed. There are many support groups. Tomorrow at noon I will hit an AA meeting and I'll be going to Al-Anon since there all over. Other people have told me the same thing about Al-Anon. Family issues are emotionally vey hard. Hope you get around people! I'm the same way as I don't make a lot of friends.

Posts: 13
Joined: Sun Apr 22, 2018 8:51 pm

Re: Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby graceforeverandever » Mon Jun 10, 2019 2:59 pm

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns with us. About your situation, is there something that happened to you in your childhood? Let me tell you my friend that you’re not alone, you are important, valuable and a person worth of dignity and worthy of fighting for. Have you thought of seeking counseling or therapy to help determine what is causing you to have these thoughts today? Counseling can help with this type of situation. Suffering is neither good or bad, ….
Have you thought of forgiving your mother and father? Forgiveness does not mean that they did was right. Forgiveness mean that you let the problem go. It is the first step of healing and change. Have you considered to seek social outlets such as volunteer organizations such as Habitat for Humanity or other church groups, recreational groups like bowling, sewing and knitting etc. In regards the stress have you thought to take a walk, swimming, bicycling, or hobbies that you might enjoy. I encourage you to be thankful for what you have in life and maybe it will help to make a list of all the good things you have and start saying “I am thankful for (for ex: life, family, friendships, etc.)…”. These list-ly are extremely important for you are going through: https://list.ly/list/1CE4-looking-up-fr ... n-darkness. https://list.ly/list/1SAk-when-your-ski ... -your-pain. Let me tell you my friend that you have a purpose in life, suffering is something we can’t avoid. Please let me tell you my friend that you are not alone in this battle. If you need to talk with someone, I’ll leave you this Hotline #s: 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255). Sending you hugs and praying for you my friend.-keep us posted, OK?

Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:54 am

Re: Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby Lesliehughes » Sat Jul 13, 2019 8:50 am

No matter what amount of problems you get, Suicide has been never an option. I would like you to consult with doctors and thus they will help you to come out of this depression process. Stay with your dear ones, that includes family and friends. after reading of this I suddenly got to remember about my granny who was suffering from loneliness and depression after my grandfather passed away. She is now 75 years old and has come out of this phase of depression, due to elder law nj who are experts not only in making legal decisions but also for counseling the needy. Likewise, you should also take some help from the professional experts.

Posts: 194
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby Spleefy » Thu Jul 25, 2019 1:08 pm

Hi Lobule1234,

My heart breaks for you. I’m terribly sorry for what you are going through.

I understand the suicide mentality and that overwhelming sense of hopelessness. It often feels like it would easier to take one’s life and end the suffering than to live and go through unbearable pain day in, day out. Depression is indeed exhausting!

But there are other avenues to find comfort and ease the suffering you feel inside.

In Jehovah God’s eyes, you are precious and he loves you.

God does not cause bad things to happen, but the truth of his love is his promise that he will be right here beside us when they do. As it says in Isaiah 66:13: “As a mother comforts her son, So I will keep comforting you”.

Why not pray to our loving Creator and Heavenly Father? If you haven't already, why not ask him for help and let him comfort you?

If you are weak, he will give you strength. If you are tired, he will sustain you: “He gives power to the tired one and full might to those lacking strength”.—Isaiah 40:29. Therefore, make your petitions known to God. Pray (talk) to him and “throw your burden on Jehovah, and he will sustain you”.—Psalms 55:22.

I did this two years ago when I was in a dark place. He responded and gave me the comfort and loving support that I asked him for. This happens time and again for whatever trial I face in life. I am so grateful that I accepted his offer of friendship. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner, such as when I was at the peak of depression. I would have saved myself a lot of unnecessary suffering.

It is common thinking in this system of things (under Satan's rulership) for man to try to rule himself and thus turn his back on God. But Jehovah God loves us all—more than anyone else ever could or is capable of loving. He will empower you and give you strength. This becomes apparent when we open our hearts and exercise faith in him and accept his offer of friendship. God is loyal to those who are loyal to him—and his loyalty is unfailing.

Many of us can empathize how lonely and isolating it feels having depression. I know this feeling myself all too well. A lot of people judge you and don’t know how to handle what you are going through. Then, to make matters worse, depression can make you withdraw and/or unintentionally push what few people we have in our lives away. At least that used to be the story of my life!

Have you tried to reach out to your parents or other family members? Sometimes it can take a few times before they will wake up and take notice; sadly, other times they show no interest in your well-being and care more about themselves. Sad, but a reality that many of us face.

But know that you are not alone. There are people out there, even complete strangers, that care about what happens to you.

And, as it is written in Psalms 27:10: “Even if my own father and mother abandon me, Jehovah himself will take me in”.

I understand that you exhausted and feel very alone. But keep strong. And, like Tired toad suggested, perhaps find a support group to talk to. Try to reach out to people. For many of us, often times it is people who are not kin that care more about us than our own family do! A spiritual family is one such example.

I hope it goes well with your partner. Take care. Stay safe.

You will be in my thoughts.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Jun 02, 2019 2:06 pm

Re: Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby Lobule1234 » Thu Aug 08, 2019 7:43 pm

To All, thank you so much for your kind thoughtful responses.

3 weeks ago I lost my job. I drank and overdosed. It became too much. I had an argument with my partner the same night and I just felt so worthless and even more alone.
I tried to commit suicide and I layed in hospital on a drip with awful things happening. My parents were both out the country and I had the doctors tell me I was close to dying.

My partner went out and got drunk and turned his phone off.

The next morning I was in hospital alone and he wouldn't speak to me because he was so annoyed with me I had to beg him to come and see me.

I still feel really lonely and often think about how close I was to death, I regretted my choices because I felt like I just wanted to live a normal life.

I have the nurses come to see me every other day and my feelings go up and down. Sometimes I'm grateful to be here and sometimes I really hate it and I wish my suicide didn't fail.

My boyfriend still isn't the same and has been annoyed with me for a while after it all.

Sometimes you just want to be held and loved. Someone to stay positive with you but I feel like I've pushed him so far I cant have that anymore. I cant sleep anymore. How do I overcome the thoughts of feeling like I regret my suicide failing?

Posts: 194
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby Spleefy » Thu Aug 08, 2019 11:48 pm

Hi Lobule1234,

You are going through a tremendous amount of stress and adversity, along with depression. Suicidal thoughts and attempts is a natural reaction to unbearable pain.

You may want to reconsider self-medicating with alcohol. It may feel like you cannot cope any other way right now, but it will just make matters worse for you. Just like "Satan himself keeps disguising himself as an angel of light" (2 Corinthians 11:14), so too do self-destructive behaviours that give us a false sense of comfort.

If you continue to self-medicate and engage in self-destructive behaviours, you will not only have the original issues to deal with, but also the issues of alcohol addiction, etc. The hole will only get deeper for you and the darker your world will become.

I say this not to judge you, but as a warning. You really don’t want to continue down that path. If you want to live a “normal” life, then try not to add to your problems by self-medicating. Again, I do not say this to judge or to patronize, and I do apologize if it comes across that way. I am just deeply concerned for your well-being and safety. I care very much about you. All of us here do!

There are healthier ways to cope with unbearable pain, such as going for a walk, exercise, eating healthy foods, talking to someone about this, listening to music, reading a book, writing in a journal, etc. They will help you to form good habits of coping rather than programming yourself towards, and habituating, destructive coping methods.

I can understand that you want to be held and to be loved. If I may suggest, perhaps you need to be giving this to yourself first? Be loving and kind to yourself by finding healthier alternatives to cope. That would be the first step I would take as part of my action plan to healing.

I could be wrong, but it sounds like the relationship breakdown with your boyfriend is a prominent source of troubles for you right now.

I am terribly sorry you have issues with your partner, especially at a time when you don’t need all the added pressure of arguments and feelings of being unloved by him.

Perhaps it might be a good opportunity to focus on your own well-being… just for the time being.

Your partner will need to choose to be either a part of the problem or part of the solution. You need help, and maybe it is time for both parties to put aside any differences and hostility for the time being so you can get better. I think that is most important right now.

Then again, I don’t know the full situation or what he is going through. It sounds like he is in a world of hurt, too, and may not be able to get pass what happened in your relationship. It sounds like he is also having a rough time coping with his own hurt, let alone other peoples. And I'm sure he is very scared for you. It would be exceedingly painful for him to know you attempted to take your own life.

It just seems that, right now, your relationship is becoming toxic to both of you, damaging the relationship even further, and hindering healing.

This might be something you need to think about. You don’t need to end the relationship, but just prioritize what needs to be dealt with first.

If he is willing to forgive whatever it is you have supposedly done, sit down and communicate, and work out an action plan so that you can both heal the relationship and yourselves... then great! but you are in a critical place in your life right now. Therefore, I do hope that he can find a way to push aside the hurt and issues in your relationship for the time being, and do whatever it takes to get you the help you need first.

But if is unable to do this, then you need to focus on your own well-being. You don’t need the added pressures of his issues onto yours and vice versa to drag each other down. When you are both in a better place, you can sit down and discuss things, listen to each other, then create an action plan to work together on fixing the relationship.

These are just things to think about. I don’t know the situation fully, so much of what I said may not be so useful. But it might, at the very least, stimulate thinking and propel you to take control of the situation to get through this.

It may seem like it will never end, and you may wonder if the fight for your life is even worthwhile. But these tough times will pass. Meanwhile, you need to give yourself a fighting chance by being kind to yourself.

Remember that you have people here that love and care about you.

You are loved!

You are appreciated!

You are wanted!

I will leave a link below with hope that it will bring you some comfort...

Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Sep 01, 2019 6:46 pm

Re: Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby massiveblackhole » Sun Sep 01, 2019 7:39 pm

Hi there

Sorry to hear what you're going through. I'm at a point where i want to end my life too. i won't bore you with the details. I'm too chicken to actually go through with it just yet though.

So I just wanna know and forgive me if it sounds insensitive but how did you feel after your failed attempted suicide? were you relieved you were still alive? do you want to try and find a cure for your depression and fix your life? Or do you wish that you had died?

I was in A&E once not from attempted suicide but anaphylactic shock. Obviously I'm still alive but all i can think of is i wish i had died that night.

Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Sep 01, 2019 6:46 pm

Re: Lost and alone. Suicidal. So tired of it

Postby massiveblackhole » Sun Sep 01, 2019 7:41 pm


life is a sick cycle carousel and i want to get off

Return to “Expressions”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 4 guests