Depression Understood Forums

Stop stealing my colours.
Stop singing my song.
Stop writing pages in MY STORY, my book.
Stop living my life, like I'm already gone, like I'm already dead.

The truth is...I'm still here. Deep in my soul, when you're not living my life, I exist. I breath. I feel.

I'm in pain, but I wish to let happiness embrace my existence.
I'm hurt, but I know I can let the wounds and scars teach me the lessons I need to know.
I'm lost, but my path is close.
I'm broken, but every single piece that broke is here. In me. Waiting to be complete again.
I'm losing my faith, but God won't leave me.
I'm losing my strength, my power, but everything around me has a good energy.
I'm completely losing my mind, but I still have my soul and you're not able to touch or hurt it too.
I feel sometimes lonely, but I'll never be alone.
I don't trust me, but I trust the ones I love. Because, yeah. I am capable of love.
I don't believe me, but I am surrounded by people who do.
I'm suicidal, but I can find in everything a reason to live.

So...

Dear me, keep on fighting. Just...don't give up.
Dear old-me, I need to be free. So, please, stop crying over what happened. The past is past.
Dear future-me, don't you dare to be ungrateful for everything that is happening to me right now. Don't you even think to stop smiling. Ever. I am fighting for your happiness. I am fighting in order for you to exist.

This is beautiful, raw and deep. How long have you been writing? It's also clearly an outlet...do you let anyone else in on this? Thanks for sharing such vulnerable thoughts and experiences. Quite powerful to write to your future self...

ToGoFruit wrote:This is beautiful, raw and deep. How long have you been writing? It's also clearly an outlet...do you let anyone else in on this? Thanks for sharing such vulnerable thoughts and experiences. Quite powerful to write to your future self...

Actually, I've never done something like this before. At least, not in English. I used to write a lot my thoughts, feelings, and even poems, but in my native language. I'm sorry, I'm not really sure what "outlet" means, but if you meant that someone else wrote this or helped me, then...no. I only write when my feelings are too powerful, when I just can't control them. So...I quess you can say that the "unusual me" wrote this. But thank you, ToGoFruit. Writing to my future self was something I was afraid of, but I still have faith that my future self will exist, will live. And will be happy. It is just a matter of time.

Janine28 wrote:Wow.....that was really good!!!! You should really be a writer! It was very powerful, meaningful, relatable and I would love to see more if you have?
Janine

I don't have more. Sorry. But I'm thinking of writing new things like this when I'll can. And by "can" I mean when I'll find the words inside of me. I'm not talking too much, so there are a lot of unsaid words. Living inside. I just need to have a certain mood to "unlock" them. Is it weird? I hope not. But thank you. If it is relatable to someone, I'm really happy.

Searching Freedom wrote:

ToGoFruit wrote:This is beautiful, raw and deep. How long have you been writing? It's also clearly an outlet...do you let anyone else in on this? Thanks for sharing such vulnerable thoughts and experiences. Quite powerful to write to your future self...

Actually, I've never done something like this before. At least, not in English. I used to write a lot my thoughts, feelings, and even poems, but in my native language. I'm sorry, I'm not really sure what "outlet" means, but if you meant that someone else wrote this or helped me, then...no. I only write when my feelings are too powerful, when I just can't control them. So...I quess you can say that the "unusual me" wrote this. But thank you, ToGoFruit. Writing to my future self was something I was afraid of, but I still have faith that my future self will exist, will live. And will be happy. It is just a matter of time.

Wow, well you're a natural! What I mean by "outlet" is a way to express your inner thoughts...an outlet can also be used as a release...a way to relieve what you're feeling. So, writing seems to be an outlet for you, especially when your thoughts are too powerful. Keep going and keep writing. You are worth fighting for.

This is beautiful and honest! You can write really well! So glad this way of coping is good for you. Keep writing! God bless!