Depression Understood Forums

Hi. Some of you may have read my one post on this site but if you haven't my situation is this.

http://depression-understood.org/forum/ ... 829#135829

Any way.
Can anyone think of a genuine reason why I shouldn't be spending my time summing up the courage to kill myself?
Because I've thought about it for about 7 years and I cant.
I've found much more logic in the idea of killing myself than trying to get over it and survive.

We all know about evolution (I would hope) but if you don't its a process which allows all life to survive in an ever changing environment.
lets say there's 100 people. 50 of them aren't fit for their environment so they die. The other 50 are so they reproduce and they're children are like them so they survive to. the ones who are fit for their environment survive the ones that are fittest thrive. Simple.

This causes me to conclude I myself am useless. A failed step in evolution. I had appalling asthma when I was very young and that would have killed me with out medical care, I have Addison's disease which will kill me without medical care, I have some sort of mental illness which make me want to die, I am not talented, I'm not attractive I'm just shit. So I would conclude that if I were to not reproduce and kill my self I would be removing my shit genes from the gene pool and doing the only thing I can to help humanity survive and progress.

Back to the original question.
I like science. If you believe in god or anything life that that's fine but I do not consider that a reason to live so don't answer with that.
What I'm asking is if any one can think of a genuine, logical scientific reason why I shouldn't top myself.

((((( Simon ))))))) Shit genes I understand. I got cancer, im prone to depression and alcoholims, probably one of the persons that shouldnt pass their genetical material to the next generation.

However, we can't measure human experience/value soley in the terms of reproduction. Individuals have made change in human experience even if they didn't reproduce or their offspring turned out nothing but ordinary... I think of the Einstains, the Bethovens, the Martin Luther Kings... they made an exceptional change and approbation to mankind in one life time.

More over, think of someone that made a significant change in your life... teacher, friend, maybe someone that shared with you a kind gesture, even if it was a one in a life time encounter. They made an impact in your life, in the present, just for being alive.

I feel your desperation, and dealing with chronic illness is hard, can't imagine how hard is with chronic and degenerative, surely is one of my biggest fears. However instead of trying to get the strength to take your life, why don't you try to find the strength to live it, to try to make an impact in someones life, doesn't have to be big... some friends and i cook for the homeless once a month, is not big deal, but for us it is. And maybe we get to save a life, or only light up the day of someone. We all have value, even if we are not meant to survive or reproduce.

Death is gonna come to you, to us... so i would invite you to live whatever little or long time you got, why waste energy making it come?

Hope you find some solace, here if you want to pitch on ideas on how to live or just need a ear to vent.

Hugs

Pix

First of all I just want to make it clear my condition is not degenerative and compared to cancer probably is that big an issue However I do have a little theory/opinion on this which I’ll cover later.

No we can not mesure human value soley in terms of reproduction. But I didn’t say we should.
Our perspose regardless of what you or any one else may belive is to ensure the survival of the species. That is it. Fact.
To ensure the survival of the species we eveolve. We do this by some of us being shit, some being ok and others being brilliant. Obviuously there would be a much larger range of “quality” of people but for arguments sake.
Those who are shit die. Most who are ok survive and the those who are brilliant thrive.
Because of this those who are most vauluable are those who thrive as they will be the best at ensuring the survival of the species.
Yes enstien had a huge impact on the human race but he was not the sole reason for the survival of the human race when he was alive infact he was completely insignificant in that respect.

Why you want me to think of some one who was kind to me I don’t know. Personaly I don’t think it is possible to be “kind” as all any one is ever doing is competeing. What appears to be kindness is actually an organism believing what it is doing is benifiting its self therefore ensureing it plays its part in evolutuion or it is and instinct to help ensure the survival of the species eg a mother being “kind” to its child.
I like to use this example. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Most women would find brad pit attractive (I don’t know if this is true but let’s say it is) but they wouldn’t find someone with a facial defect attractive.
There was a documentary a while ago about some guy with a facial defect who had a smoking hot girlfriend. The conclusion people would draw is she doesn’t value physical attraction. However she clearly stared when asked what first made you attracted to him “his hot body, his six pack”.
In reality its not that she doesn’t value physical attraction it’s that she is different and finds him attractive where most women wouldn’t.
So what appears to be a woman that genuinely cares about personality (kindness) way more than physical appearance is in fact just a weirdo that finds him physically attractive regardless of his face.
What it comes down to is this. You wouldn’t fall in love with someone you don’t want to f***. Appearance comes first personality comes later and is less important. Fact.
Kindness isn't a thing.

I don’t want the strength to live my life. Its shit. It may get a bit better but I will never be happy. The two things I loved in life were the girl I love and my job. I will never have either of these things ever again. I'd rather have the courage to end it.
You could say you might find something else you love? I would say go f*** yourself.
I have no interest in “making an impact on some one’s life”. We’re all competing at the end of the day so it makes much more sense to embrace that. The only people that can really be kind are those that are attractive and talented because everyone wants to have positive experiences with them, everyone wants to f*** them.
You can say the wrong thing if you are ugly and shit at everything and everyone hates you. You can say the wrong thing if you’re attractive and good at everything and no one cares. You can say the right things as an ugly and no one cares you say it as a pretty boy and everyone goes on about how great you are. Fact.
We only have as much value as we do to the species and mine is very little. Insignificant. The species will survive without me. I am one of the many failed paths in evolution and the best thing I could do for the survival of the
species is die and end that path.

I will refuse your invitation. Unfortunately I have a long life ahead of me unless I die in some accident or some up some courage.

Coming back to that theory I had.
The way I see it is a problem is a problem regardless of severity.
I’ll use an analogy I came up with. It’s not brilliant as I’m no shake spear or whatever.
You want to buy a car. You have three options.
There are three identical cars with three exceptions. One is fine, another has only a flat tire and the last has no wheels at all. With those exceptions they are exactly the same. Even the price.
Which would you buy? You could be a smart arse and say the one with no wheels because I like working on cars. You’d be a bell end.
Let’s say you have three people all identical (impossible I know but for the argument).
One is fine, one has a bad leg the last is paralysed from the waist down. Who will win a running race?
The point is anyone with a problem is ignored by anyone who hasn’t got any regardless of severity.
Everyone kind of has problems and issues I know but I’m sure you see my point. Like I said I’m not shake pear.
I hope this isn’t seen as pro suicide or something. It’s just what happens when you approach certain scenarios with a logical scientific approach.

I have not found solace yet and I doubt I will.

Yeah thought so.
Oh well valentines day round the corner so maybe that'll help me some up some courage.

I'm curious, Simon. Why do you think it is that in spite of all your seemingly insurmountable misery, you still find yourself on this earth?

Could you perhaps be hopeful and really want better for yourself?

Of course I want better for myself. I'm human.