Depression Understood Forums

Although the color blue sometimes represents sadness, it always has been and always will be my favorite color. Colors represent many different things (none of which I can describe right now because my mind is too clouded with depression). But I love everything about blue, even what it represents, from green tinted blue to purple. But right now I'm feeling the "sadness" blue. I feel it through every inch of my mind, body, and soul. And I hate it. I hate it with every fiber of my being. WHY!? Why do I have to feel this way? There is no "reason". Why can't I stop feeling this way? I hateit. I hate it for me and eeveryone around me. I wish I could crawl into a deep dark hole(not the one I'm already in, in my mind) and just stay there, not thinking or feeling, until this nightmare of depression goes away. I know that's not possible (or healthy) but that's the way I feel right now. AND I HATE IT!!! I feel trapped. Trapped in my life, my body, society, the world. I want freedom from "life"! But it's unattainable. Just a fantasy. I hate life. I hate the world. I've never been suicidal (I've thought about it plenty of times), but even if I was I would never be able to go through with it. I don't really want to die. I just wish I never existed. Why does anyone exist? What's the point? What is the purpose of life? Even if someone lives an amazing, happy life and does great things for the world, what's the point? I don't know. I have no idea how I got from my fave color to the meaning of life. This is the state my mind is in right now. Thanks for giving me the chance to rant.

Hi there Hazeleyes.

Sometimes I try so hard at giving advice but I never know if I'm good enough to help people or not. But I hope somehow something I say will help even if it's just a little bit.

When you ask why people exist. it's tough to answer when you hurt so bad inside or when your confused or angry. The only thing I know what to say is ....

Every time you see a sunset and the beautiful colors that are painted across the sky in different patterns and light .. it kinda helps to be glad you exist.

When you see a rainbow stretch across the sky or a shooting star streak across the night sky... that helps you be glad you exist.

When you feel lost sometimes just little innocent things in life make it worth it. No , that's not the answer to all your pain and confusion or anger ... but it does make existing so much better.

I hope someday that the " blue " sadness you feel turns into the beautiful "happy" blue ... like the sky on a bright sunny day.

I'm glad you exist. And I hope someday you do too. Who knows what wonderful dreams in life lay around the corner for you. As long as your heart is beating anything can happen. Just please hang in there. I believe in you.