Depression Understood Forums

I hate being Black girl…it’s a curse. Black girls are deemed the least desirable and least attractive race. Mixed, White, Asian, Latina and Indian girls are usually prettier than Black girls since they have lighter colored skin, nicer facial features and better more manageable hair. I would have been happy if I was born any other race or was at least mixed so I could have had a better chance at looking decent. Black female features are considered unfeminine many people even say that they look men. I always hear people say that, “It’s hard to find a pretty Black girl…she usually has to be mixed to be pretty”. I am so jealous of those Mixed, White, Asian, Latina and Indian girls cause of their better looks and better hair. But since I have to live in this body I want to make myself look as less Black as possible. I have full lips (that are not huge), medium sized nose, brown skin, and coarse/kinky hair – overall I can only fix 2 out of the 4 problems. I plan to lighten my skin and get a weave. I want to lighten my skin simply because it is too dark…well it’s brown but I consider it dark. Dark skin is considered a masculine trait which is why both dark and light skin guys are desired. I know that White girls like to tan to get darker but their goal is to get nice light brown skin nobody wants dark brown skin. Also I want to get a weave because as you all know being Black my hair is coarse/kinky and a nightmare to look at and deal with. Full Black hair is a big turn off to people they always prefer mixed Black hair.
In this world light skin is prettier than dark skin, delicate facial features are prettier than huge/broad facial features, and straight/curly hair is prettier than coarse/kinky hair – that’s just the way it is. Of course not everybody thinks this way but a vast majority of people do. This is why majority of guys even go for light skinned girls who are White, Asian, Latina, Indian or mixed. Many Black guys also choose these girls over Black girls simply because they are generally better looking. There are only few guys that actually like Black girls and those guys are hard to find. I really wish I was one of those pretty light skinned girls so damn bad. I am horrified and hurt that I was born this way. People have always told me to “love myself as I am” which drives me crazy especially when the person who says it is some other race. Maybe it’s easy for them to love themselves but they have no idea how it feels to live being Black. I was bullied all through elementary, middle and high school because of my hair and skin. Also any guy I liked made it perfectly clear that they only wanted the light skinned girls not me. Because of this I developed depression and anxiety issues. I know I got super unlucky being born just Black but I am going to do all that I can to improve my looks. Do you know any good safe skin lightening creams? Do you know any other ideas on how I can improve my appearance?

Hi Leila,
Welcome to this forum! I don't really know how to express my feelings about this in their totality. I'm glad you've opened up your heart, though, to share how you feel to be 'you.' Because you don't like it when people say to "Love yourself for who you are, " I'll leave that out. Sounds much too 'cliche,' anyway! However, I will be honest. I have a sneaking suspicion you'd appreciate this more...

First, I want to say that I know it took a lot of courage of you to write that post. There were a number of things you said that caused me to contemplate on the pressures women face in society- to be beautiful. (and by WHOSE definition) ?? There are different varieties of attractiveness. There are also a wide array of opinions. The media, I believe, is mostly to blame for creating a false ideal/image of what beauty is supposed to look like! Actually, thank you for starting this thread. I have LOTS to say on this topic!

One thing that crosses my mind is how most of the African-American women in the entertainment industry strive to look as caucasian as possible. I wish I could mention names, though probably not a great idea. Maybe you get my point...(the long blonde hair extensions) etc. Why can't they embrace their own type of beauty? I can't help but wonder what goes through the minds of girls who practically idolize these women! They must feel that in order to be an attractive black woman, that they must copy what they see.

If I were you, I wouldn't waste money on skin lightening creams. If you purchase extensions for easier manageability of your hair, there's nothing wrong with that. If it makes you feel better about yourself, then it can raise your self-esteem. But, as it comes to skin color, there's always a variety of makeup out there to compliment all shades of skin. I've never tried this myself, but there are makeup counters in the mall that will help women discover the right colors for their skin types. And this makeover is free! I don't believe that achieving beauty means changing the color of your skin. It's about finding what best compliments your color.

You may already know this, but societal pressures to look a certain way affects women of every race. The youngest girls I've heard of with eating disorders are around 10 yrs old! Even at a healthy weight, little girls are feeling fat and puking up their meals. Ugh...When I was around that age, I was outside playing.

Well, I'll get back to you later. Hopefully, something I've said thus far is even remotely helpful.

Hi Leila,

Besides black people, there are other races that like to look Caucasian such as the Japanese. They dye their hair blonde, use light foundation, blue contact lenses and often have surgery on their eyes, nose and chin to change their features. Does it change the fact that they're Japanese? Can they pass of as a white person? No. They don't look real, they look like dolls, but nonetheless quite interesting though.

I don't believe in changing what you're born with but instead enhance what you already have. That's where make up comes in - there's so many colours to choose from, false lashes, colour contacts, nails, etc etc. you can always change your hair styles, and not forgetting fashion, accessories, shoes. The way you walk, the way you talk can ooze confidence. Attractiveness isn't based solely on skin colour, which I think you are focusing on way too much when you have so many areas to explore which can help you feel more confident about yourself x