My recent problems
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Clarissa1234
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Thu Nov 14, 2013 7:47 pm
My recent problems
I've recently gone through a tough breakup....my now ex boyfriend(let's just call him nick) has been mean to me since he dumped me.he blames me and expects me to be fine.what happened was me nick an my friend (lets call him jace) were on a group video call. We were all talking about how jaces friend had told him that nick used people for stuff and was a player.nick got mad and defensive an said that his friend was a liar and accused me of no Teutons him.i cried for about three hours and cut my wrist.....I would've been four months clean if I hadn't cut....I've been depressed for 9 years and am currently 14. Idk what to do now because I have also been anorexic for two years and am becoming suicidal......none of my friends are here for me except for jace ad he doesn't know how to help.....I can't tell my parents or any adult because they would just lock me up in another mental hospital....what should I do?....
i am sorry that you went through a bad breakup , it is never easy.
i am also sorry that you suffer from depression and everything else .
no one is going to lock you up for having feelings, even if they are suicidal ones.
we all go through difficult times.
talking to a school counsellor or an adult you trust would be a good idea.
your mum and dad remember only want the best for you and do not want to see you hurting. they care for you.
just know that i care and there are a lot of people on here who do as well, you are not alone, remember that.
take care of your self.
.
i am also sorry that you suffer from depression and everything else .
no one is going to lock you up for having feelings, even if they are suicidal ones.
we all go through difficult times.
talking to a school counsellor or an adult you trust would be a good idea.
your mum and dad remember only want the best for you and do not want to see you hurting. they care for you.
just know that i care and there are a lot of people on here who do as well, you are not alone, remember that.
take care of your self.
.
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Clarissa1234
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Thu Nov 14, 2013 7:47 pm
Reply
Actually I don't trust any adults so I can't talk to any of them cause my school as well as my parents have locked me in a mental hospital before....my depression gets worse day by day n I'm getting closer n closer to attempting suicide....
when i was your age i had been sexually abused, i was a sz with everything else, ocd, lonely, bringing myself up, was about to do my first suicide attempt . so you and i know what pain is, i understand your hurt.
my sister was also sexually abused and had anorexia as well , depression...blah..blah..you know what i mean.
but though life was hard it did get better, my sister and i got older and wiser like you will. you will be able to lead your own life , make your own decisions. at your age and you have already been through a lot it seems like the teen years are an eternity, but they will go quickly, and the world will be at your feet you will have all these possibilities in front of you, and that is a great position to be in.
at the moment all you can see is the car crash of your life that is in front of you, but look beyond that ,look to the horizon where there will be, and i promise this to you, there is another life ,a better life, a life that you are living, a life that you feel great about.
i understand you do not trust adults that is totally understandable.
but i am an adult now, believe it or not !,and i am not lieing to you about what i just said.
know that i genuinely do care. please do not do anything stupid, it would upset me greatly.
take care
my sister was also sexually abused and had anorexia as well , depression...blah..blah..you know what i mean.
but though life was hard it did get better, my sister and i got older and wiser like you will. you will be able to lead your own life , make your own decisions. at your age and you have already been through a lot it seems like the teen years are an eternity, but they will go quickly, and the world will be at your feet you will have all these possibilities in front of you, and that is a great position to be in.
at the moment all you can see is the car crash of your life that is in front of you, but look beyond that ,look to the horizon where there will be, and i promise this to you, there is another life ,a better life, a life that you are living, a life that you feel great about.
i understand you do not trust adults that is totally understandable.
but i am an adult now, believe it or not !,and i am not lieing to you about what i just said.
know that i genuinely do care. please do not do anything stupid, it would upset me greatly.
take care
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Clarissa1234
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Thu Nov 14, 2013 7:47 pm
Thanks
Thanks fallen.im glad I'm not the only one who's felt this way....ice always thought I was alone and that it will never get better an will just get worse but you've made me find hope again.i was sexually abused once actually myself so I'm sorry you and your sister ever went through that.if u ever wanna talk more in depth u can private message me at my email [email protected]
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Clarissa1234
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Thu Nov 14, 2013 7:47 pm
A backstory sorta
My entire life I've been abused. Mainly emotionally and verbally but occasionally physically. Since I turned 9 I've been very mature cause I had to grow up way too fast to be able to deal with everything....my parents blame me for everything I and my sisters do and only I get punished for it...my entire life I've never EVER felt loved.it was two years ago when I started to self harm and stop eating....my parents saw but nvr cared.....last year I tried to run away from home cause I couldn't deal with the crap and my principal found me and brought me back to school,called my parents, and my parents as well as my SCHOOL said I needed to go into a mental institution so that's where they sent me....after that my anorexia and cutting got worse and I actually have attempted suicide 3 times and failed.....everyone so far is abandoning me saying I've got too many problems that they don't wanna deal with or that I'm a b***h and should go die....I've built a wall around myself for that reason and I'm not letting many people in anymore...
i am not abandoning you, i will not walk away, i will listen to everything you have to say, but i will give my honest opinion because that is who i am.
what i have seen so far is a smart ,caring, kind, wise and compassionate human being.
you have every right to walk this planet as much as any one else , breath the air and enjoy life.
in my opinion it was wrong to put you into a mental institution, but some people find it hard to cope with mental illness .
we have to forgive them for there lack of strength and there lack of courage and their capacity to cope.
it is a horrible feeling ,not being cared for , loneliness, being unloved.
i used to stay in bed as long as possible so that the abuse would start later and therefore be less .
the abuse be it emotional or otherwise is wrong and to be honest the emotional abuse i received was far worse because it never stopped, ever stopped.
i am not going to lecture you on cutting and anorexia , but i found with my sister that she would have things like miso soup , spirallina tablets (you get from a supermarket), yoghurt, yakult, nuts, and salad and vegies not much of course. these things would give her the nutrients, keep her body healthy but not put on the weight.
as for cutting and i took this to a spectacular level, edward scissor hands kind of stuff, i eventually i used a rubber band on my wrist , and twanged it enough time to give me relief, in my head it was the same as cutting .
i am sorry your parents are the way they are, i know how it feels.
my advise is to stick it out at home, why because you have a roof over your head, you have your sisters , a resemblance of a family of sorts .
trust me when i say there are worse people out there who would take advantage of you if you ran away.
the saying ' it is better the devil you know ' , is true.
you can take my words and shove them in the bin if you want , but that is my experience.
there are good people out there you just have to find them
take care
what i have seen so far is a smart ,caring, kind, wise and compassionate human being.
you have every right to walk this planet as much as any one else , breath the air and enjoy life.
in my opinion it was wrong to put you into a mental institution, but some people find it hard to cope with mental illness .
we have to forgive them for there lack of strength and there lack of courage and their capacity to cope.
it is a horrible feeling ,not being cared for , loneliness, being unloved.
i used to stay in bed as long as possible so that the abuse would start later and therefore be less .
the abuse be it emotional or otherwise is wrong and to be honest the emotional abuse i received was far worse because it never stopped, ever stopped.
i am not going to lecture you on cutting and anorexia , but i found with my sister that she would have things like miso soup , spirallina tablets (you get from a supermarket), yoghurt, yakult, nuts, and salad and vegies not much of course. these things would give her the nutrients, keep her body healthy but not put on the weight.
as for cutting and i took this to a spectacular level, edward scissor hands kind of stuff, i eventually i used a rubber band on my wrist , and twanged it enough time to give me relief, in my head it was the same as cutting .
i am sorry your parents are the way they are, i know how it feels.
my advise is to stick it out at home, why because you have a roof over your head, you have your sisters , a resemblance of a family of sorts .
trust me when i say there are worse people out there who would take advantage of you if you ran away.
the saying ' it is better the devil you know ' , is true.
you can take my words and shove them in the bin if you want , but that is my experience.
there are good people out there you just have to find them
take care
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Clarissa1234
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Thu Nov 14, 2013 7:47 pm
Eh
Thanks for all your support and I take everything u say to heart. I'm glad I found this forum because idk what I'd do without it.the only thing bout it is my family won't buy healthy foods...I've asked for stuff like apples and stuff like that n they say no.
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Clarissa1234
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Thu Nov 14, 2013 7:47 pm
Relapse....
I cut again....three horizontal cuts with a sharpener blade over veins....idk what to do....I'm addicted....
clarissa it is okay that you cut do not feel bad , this is actually not an unusual thing to do, so do not feel any shame , wipe that from your mind .
for a lot of people do this especially teenagers .
do me a favour , i want you to get s small box, maybe a shoe box and decorate it with everything that you care about on the outside of the box, pictures of your family, your sisters, maybe you have a dog , there is some one you look up to put there name , or picture on the box , put everything on this box that you care about.
now put your cutting implements inside this box so before you cut you have to get passed all the things that you care and love . you have to look at them before you open the box.
next thing i want you to find the person inside you, that little girl who is pure and innocent , i want you to picture that girl in your minds eye, that innocent child , now i want you to protect that child, the child inside you, this is your job to protect her.
before you cut see her in your minds eye , would you cut her ?
remember i care , and the people on here care.
take care
for a lot of people do this especially teenagers .
do me a favour , i want you to get s small box, maybe a shoe box and decorate it with everything that you care about on the outside of the box, pictures of your family, your sisters, maybe you have a dog , there is some one you look up to put there name , or picture on the box , put everything on this box that you care about.
now put your cutting implements inside this box so before you cut you have to get passed all the things that you care and love . you have to look at them before you open the box.
next thing i want you to find the person inside you, that little girl who is pure and innocent , i want you to picture that girl in your minds eye, that innocent child , now i want you to protect that child, the child inside you, this is your job to protect her.
before you cut see her in your minds eye , would you cut her ?
remember i care , and the people on here care.
take care
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Clarissa1234
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Thu Nov 14, 2013 7:47 pm
Idk...
I can't really do that...that would mean I'd have to hide all the scissors and knives and sharpeners which I can't do it'd be too suspicious....my friend jace is pissed at me n my cousin is now doubling my cuts on herself thinking it'll get me to stop....
clarissa,
i really think you need to ring a help line for people who cut , i do not know what country you are in but i am sure if you google you will find plenty of help lines.
i am really happy to listen but you need to help your self , i know that you are strong enough and brave enough to do this.
i do not have an addicted personality so i did stuff cutting etc....then went on to the next thing , eventually i just grew up and found other ways to deal with my emotional issues instead of harming myself.
you are a smart person , believe in your self .
take care
i really think you need to ring a help line for people who cut , i do not know what country you are in but i am sure if you google you will find plenty of help lines.
i am really happy to listen but you need to help your self , i know that you are strong enough and brave enough to do this.
i do not have an addicted personality so i did stuff cutting etc....then went on to the next thing , eventually i just grew up and found other ways to deal with my emotional issues instead of harming myself.
you are a smart person , believe in your self .
take care
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Clarissa1234
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Thu Nov 14, 2013 7:47 pm
Meh
I live in the us in Illinois near Chicago but I don't trust any hotlines truthfully idk y I just don't n I'm losing my stability as well as my willpower
Hello and hope you are getting better.
The common understanding is that abusers are themselves the people who were abused. I don't know if that is always true, but aren't you curious?
Even if you are, you probably will not get any answers from them right now, but maybe it will help you understand why you are treated the way you are. It has nothing to do with you. You don't deserve it and they might not mean it.
They are just stuck in their own ways, painful for themselves and for others. In a small way, it is true about what you do: abusing yourself by cutting yourself, because you have no other way to deal with yourself...all you know is being abused, so you abuse yourself, because you are too kind to do it to someone else. But, wait, can you use that same kindness to yourself too?
You don't seem to have many allies and protectors. Please, don't deprive yourself of the most important protector: your own wonderful self. Make it a mission to protect yourself from the world and give yourself love that is missing while the world is busy not noticing your need. It will be noticed...just give it some time. If you hurt yourself too bad, then the world will have no chance.
I hope it is helping.
The common understanding is that abusers are themselves the people who were abused. I don't know if that is always true, but aren't you curious?
Even if you are, you probably will not get any answers from them right now, but maybe it will help you understand why you are treated the way you are. It has nothing to do with you. You don't deserve it and they might not mean it.
They are just stuck in their own ways, painful for themselves and for others. In a small way, it is true about what you do: abusing yourself by cutting yourself, because you have no other way to deal with yourself...all you know is being abused, so you abuse yourself, because you are too kind to do it to someone else. But, wait, can you use that same kindness to yourself too?
You don't seem to have many allies and protectors. Please, don't deprive yourself of the most important protector: your own wonderful self. Make it a mission to protect yourself from the world and give yourself love that is missing while the world is busy not noticing your need. It will be noticed...just give it some time. If you hurt yourself too bad, then the world will have no chance.
I hope it is helping.
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