Depression Understood Forums

I can hardly stand the suspense.

The right can shine through.
I know it. I look around.
Hidden in this chaos is the solution.
The greatness. It's, it's, I can almost touch it.
I can almost see it through the mist; hear it over
the roar of..what was that, a garbage truck?

Is there life after chicken?
I'm about to find out.
The unburger.
The other white meat.
The delicate hockey puck of tasteless comestible.
See you on the other side.











Oh, that was horrible.
I need to lie down.

Words and ideas, words and ideas;
They fly around the room, they fly around my head.
People like words; they like ideas.
But why only in a certain order, why only that?

Order, Pftht, and images.
Words, ideas, and images; their all so beautiful.
Why do they have to mean something?
Meaning, I've been searching. Don't they know there is no meaning?
Why do I have to sing and dance for the chance?
No singing or dancing going on in here I'll tell you.

I'm struggling to take words; to set them down on paper; to move them around and form connections, indexes, syntagms, concepts. It's called mind mapping. I think most people have no use for mind mapping. They can do it inside their head. Words are pealing off the inside of my brain, like paint off the walls in an abandoned psychiatric hospital, and falling into my pool of priorities. I hate this. There is a plan somewhere, but no where near hear. I need a plan. Oh hell, what would I do with a plan anyway.

No core; I have no core. A center my life could coalesce around. Then, I could say and do things of value. I'd be coming from somewhere, going to someplace. Silver grey and blue.

Moo

Count the passing hours by the number of people you help.

If we weren't necessarily put on this earth to happy, then there must be something more important than happiness. Mind you I don't believe it. We were put on this earth to be happy but while happiness, to a karp, or a hawk, or a geco, is a full stomach; our happiness as humans depends on more. We have the reptile brain. But that only makes up a small part of overburdened psyche.

OK, are not alone (OMG, did you hear that Terry Gross interview on UFO's?). Other animals that make community a priority. Bu if we have an evolutionary need for companionship, can we be happy if that need is not satisfied? Never mind that most of us here are in the grip of other mental constructs; and that makes integration with the rest of the world a problem. If the definition of survival is having our needs met, then can we blame ourselves for feeling that our survival is in jeopardy (Oh, Alex, Alex; Why for art thou an insurance salesman)?

The way I see it, we have two options (or three, you always have three): Ignore our present gripping concerns and forge ahead. In which case we may find our fears were real or at least that we don't make good insurance salesmen (-women, -people, -gender neutral identifier, -phylum neutral identifier,-...). Or; Stay where we are and accept that survival is tenuous, temporary, and everyone dies alone in the end. (OK; sure, the third is option bounce around like a your in a pong game trying to do both [Frame raises his hand]).

...What was I talking about? What's my point? I just don't want to go to work. Please don't make me (he says to himself). Things will change, they're going to change, the leaves are going to change.

i am really sorry you are hurting.
take care

Yea thanks fallen.

I want to respond, "oh it's not that bad".
Hey right now I still have a bed. Not everyone has a bed.

It's like I have stratified layers of philosophical.

Every day I have doctors or lawyers or artists or architects or CEOs come into my shop. Many probably have at least two houses and a boat or a plane to spare. Almost none of them know I'm inches from total iliquiditiy. I just can't keep it up. I don't have the will. It seems like the whole concept is still valid (the opportunities are actually exciting) but I'm no longer capable of focusing.

So I come home and immediately go to bed. This is not me. I have been riding my bike to work so that I can do photography. Many people are encouraging me. But I'm angry the whole time I'm out. On an intelectual level, I know I'm doing right; getting exercise, pursuing a passion, perhaps creating a saleable product. But there is no passion any more. There's just anger that the world sucks. It's not pain per se. And the world doesn't really sucks, I know. But then again, yea I think maybe it does.

I'm so out of step. I feel like an alien (but I fit in well, just like in Men In Black). Everyone excepts me to be normal. I can only do that just so long. I'm going to pay a price. But we all pay a price don't we? See, more layers of philosophical.

Thank you people, for letting me rant. I know you all have issues of your own.

Know this Frame, I admire your will and your discipline every day. You are trying hard to make things work. I don't know how successful you will be, on the one hand in the long run we are all going to die, but in the meantime how successful will you be at fighting your way through this depression? I don't know, but as long as you fight, you are winning. Myself I don't seem to have any fight in me anymore. So by my standards at least you are struggling to maintain altitude and not just letting yourself spiral downward towards the earth.

Thank you Alaska, for your response.
I'll just reference my Posted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 7:01 am response to
Littlebele Posted: Mon Oct 21, 2013 3:28 pm Post subject: Hi in New Members

Give it some thought please,
And try not to get irritated if I have trouble taking my own advice,
Frame

Oh, and I understand if it's too much trouble. But I would like to see some images of your own part of Alaska.

An axiomatic shift; or maybe a shift in the axis of the universe. Whether real (as in tangibly physical) or simply a construct of understanding; what does it matter. Does the fact that our minds are stuck and refuse to change mean the world is changing nonetheless. If the heavens bring an epiphany, in that instant, is not the world changed for ever to us.

If all we unhappy souls are uneasy because we see the truth but still can't see what to live for; then how can we die (even if we truly know what death is) if we haven't yet discovered what to die for. No, we can't sincerely think we can find peace in dying until we find something to die for.





(and no; "chocolate" is not "to die for".)
(Although, Mmm, Chocolate.)

Change.
Change, Change, Change.
I have to take some of the difficult things and get rid of them or somehow make them easier. I have to realize that progress is being made. That's as close to peace as I can see. And peace is as close to happiness.... Well, maybe it is happiness.

One door closes
Another one opens
And in between ignorance, pettiness, meanness, meaninglessness,..
I don't know
I thought I had a point
Something about endless opportunities, but I lost the thread.

Action, Recation, Action, Recation, Action, Recation, Action, Recation,
Action, Recation, Action, Recation, Action, Recation, Action, Recation,
Action, Recation, Action, Recation, Action, Recation, Action, Recation,
Action, Recation, Action, Recation, Action, Recation, Action, Recation,

Think, think, think, think, knock, knock, knock, knock,
Bang, bang, bang, bang... Action... Um, well, uh, hm...
ZZZzzzzzzz, HrmnhrmnHm, ZZZZzzzZZzz, !...What!
oh... well...Uh, Reaction, Um...
Right?, Uh, what was the question again?