Never good enough.
Posted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 3:04 pm
Not really sure where to start..I have been relapsing into my old ways lately
I am my own worst enemy. I push people away and keep them at arms length because I have always come second to everyone in my life and I presume that every new person I meet will eventually hurt me if I let them get too close.
I feel like a failure to my parents, I have never been good enough for any boys I have been with, most my friends I have ever made have stabbed me in the back or abandoned me.
A month ago I received a message from a girl I used to be "best friends" with until she stabbed me in the back. After we stopped being friends she bullied me for 2 years. At first I didn't think I cared but after a while it started to eat away at me and then all the emotions came back. Its been 7 years since I have seen her and I still hate her.
"Hi, I'm not sure whether you remember me or not but I went to school with you. I wasn't a nice person in high school... I'm actually quite ashamed of that part of my life because I was so awful. I know I was mean to you, I was really mean and I had absolutely no reason to act like that. I would like to say I'm sorry and I know it was a very long time ago and I've been sorry for a very long time and I thought you should know. Thanks"
I didn't reply when I first got the messaged but she has since blocked me so I can even contact her to say how much I still hate her and that its all well and good for her to apologise now but she has no idea the battle I have been through because of the things she did to me.
I just don't understand what I did to deserve this? and why am I never good enough for anyone?
It just feels like nothing ever goes right for me. I'm over feeling this way, starting to believe that it will never get better.
I am my own worst enemy. I push people away and keep them at arms length because I have always come second to everyone in my life and I presume that every new person I meet will eventually hurt me if I let them get too close.
I feel like a failure to my parents, I have never been good enough for any boys I have been with, most my friends I have ever made have stabbed me in the back or abandoned me.
A month ago I received a message from a girl I used to be "best friends" with until she stabbed me in the back. After we stopped being friends she bullied me for 2 years. At first I didn't think I cared but after a while it started to eat away at me and then all the emotions came back. Its been 7 years since I have seen her and I still hate her.
"Hi, I'm not sure whether you remember me or not but I went to school with you. I wasn't a nice person in high school... I'm actually quite ashamed of that part of my life because I was so awful. I know I was mean to you, I was really mean and I had absolutely no reason to act like that. I would like to say I'm sorry and I know it was a very long time ago and I've been sorry for a very long time and I thought you should know. Thanks"
I didn't reply when I first got the messaged but she has since blocked me so I can even contact her to say how much I still hate her and that its all well and good for her to apologise now but she has no idea the battle I have been through because of the things she did to me.
I just don't understand what I did to deserve this? and why am I never good enough for anyone?
It just feels like nothing ever goes right for me. I'm over feeling this way, starting to believe that it will never get better.