Depression Understood Forums

Sometimes I get tired of being a fool with money. For most of my life I've been poor at saving money, but I was always able to make it work. If I got behind I'd either use a credit card, or if I wasn't making enough to keep up payments I'd get an extra job. That system worked well enough for about 30 years, but not so well now. I don't have any credit cards anymore and live a simpler cash oriented life.

For several months now I can't seem to get my lazy, depressed ass out of bed to go to a job. I've tried to sign up for volunteering at a couple different places, just to get me up and out. In the past I've found it a good way to improve my self image and anything that keeps me interacting with other people is much healthier than laying in bed. But these days I can't make myself get up for that either.

So my family has been helping me out financially and I end up having around $1000 - 1400 a month to live on. Keep in mind I live in Alaska and it's not a cheap place to live. The last few months have seen the lowest electric bills I ever get and they are running about $116. Last winter my highest electric bills were $400. My oil bills will amount to around $2500 for the winter. That's just for two of my utilities.

Oh, I'm just annoyed because last month when I had some money I invited a friend out for dinner. This guy has paid for me two or three times, because he knows I'm usually short. So I wanted to return the favor and I asked him out, which was fine, but I let him pick the restaurant. He wanted to go to a Japanese steakhouse that I'd never been to. It was very nice, the food was great and the chef coming to your table to fix the food in front of you was a novel experience for me. I liked it a lot and would love to take my boys there. But two meals with soft drinks came out to $56. With tip I ended up paying $70.

My friend really helped me a lot last winter. It was a very dark time for me and we have several of the same issues so he was great to talk to. I used to go out to eat a lot, but these days money is always tight and I hardly ever go out. What's more I don't even miss it. But my friend hardly ever eats at home and always wants to go out.

Anyway, this month I have a little money again and I haven't taken my boys to the movies in months. I want to treat them so we all went to see "Gravity" with Sandra Bullock. To maximize the experience we go to the 3d imax version. The last few years it seems like movies go up in price every month or two. A normal 2d matinee is $8.75 for my older boy and me and a buck or buck and a half less. But this version, even for a matinee, cost $50.75 for the three of us. Then I told the boys we could spend $10 on treats. I suggested a large popcorn and one drink that they could share. Last time I was there I'm sure the large popcorn was either $4.50 or 5 and the drinks were about the same. But no, now they want $8 for a large popcorn and almost as much for a drink. We didn't get any treats.

I know I'm on a rant here, but adjusting to my new circumstances is painful. I never made a lot of money, my best year I think I made around 50k. That was income from two jobs and three dry cabins I used to own. But I used to be able to take my kids out for a burger or to a movie without having to spend every dime in my pocket. I miss those days. There are things I'd still really like to do with them, take them to the Mt Rushmore, see the grand Canyon with them, take them to New York City and Washington dc. I was able to take them to Niagara Falls a few years ago. We went on a tour boat practically to the edge of the fall. That was fun.

So, how are the rest of you guys with money?
[/i]

I can relate Alaska. I'm mulling over a reply.

i think i have a hole in my wallet
take care

Yeah, I can relate to being broke. I think the toothfairy has been making her rounds-- on a mission to get her money back. And Mr. Sandman is robbing my eyes of sleep tonight! Whatta buncha thieves.
Speaking of thieves, Santa and his conniving little elfin minions are plotting home invasions to keep up with the rising demands for cellphones this year. It seems that Tonka Toys and Raggedy Ann dolls have become a nostalgic part of the past. Ten year old Johnny wants an i-phone, and nine year old Suzie tweets Santa that she wants her own private jet plane. "Is it really too much to ask? For ONE lousy, stinkin gift? I mean, come on! All the other kids have em!"
Mrs. Clause was just admitted into a psyche ward. Seems she tried to off Santa for his sleigh and reindeer insurance. I guess this economic crisis is taking a jab at everybody.

I'm sorry, Alaska! I got carried away there, but I know that financial burdens aren't easy to go through. It's terrible how much it costs you to keep up with utilities. As human beings, we shouldn't have to be paying so much to simply stay warm. Pathetic the cost to simply survive, you know? Money does not buy happiness, but it sure brings some measure of security. I know this, because I don't feel too secure without it!

"Spending money" would be nice to have. But, it seems that in order to have it, you need to put off a bill one month, then pay on it double the next month.
I try not to do this anymore, because getting away with it makes it all the more tempting!

When it comes to spending money, I'm pretty creative at ways I can make it stretch. (and get the most for my buck) In itself, this is a good thing. My problem is the 'saving' part of it. To be honest? I'm doing good if I don't dip into my laundry quarters at some point, during the month...like THIS month. So far, I'm doing fine; I just remind myself that I have what I need to sustain me. For this, I know I'm blessed.

There was a period in my life, while homeless, when I'd panhandle for the cash for meals. Of course, I received foodstamps, but they wouldn't last me all month. To make those stretch, you've got to have a home where you can cook to make things that last a while! Purchasing meals at convenience stores would wipe me out quickly. The point is that it's harder to take anything for granted, when each day was a new fight for survival. I know there are people out there who live what I once lived. The destitute who don't live in this country have it even worse.

Everything I own, that I don't absolutely need, I consider 'exras.' (even privileges) This helps me to focus on what I have, rather than on what I don't. Makes it a bit easier for me to curb my spending.

I've never made ends meet. But what has pushed me over the edge, over and over again, is how little joy I get from it all. It didn't occur to me until much later that financially sound people get much more satisfaction and joy from fiscal responsibility; understanding the value (the meaning) of money and forbearance brings contentment.

For me, meaning, joy, value... there are times when it all snaps into focus but most of the time it's all just a wash of grey. When I'm in this hole keeping money / spending money there's little difference. And of course we all know what the rest of the world wants. Favour is in our losing it. Sometimes, but not always, there is certain satisfaction in simply not paying that price. That's a choice of course; to buy or not to buy. Some people will get joy from saving the money and finding an alternative. I generally think, "Crap now what?". In depression I have trouble visualizing options.

Funny thing is, I have the most trouble reconstructing options for things I've done over and over before. So things like breakfast are a constant struggle. And it's those little things which, bit by bit, siphon away cash. So, as I determine to turn around and not pay what often seems like too much; my thoughts darken and next I begin to rationalize; "owner needs to make a living too." or what about the cooking gas and the hot water. It's so much easier to plunk down the money and get on with my life, but that's just leading me further into this hole.

The details of assessing value for the simplest things and defining options, is such a struggle when I can't find meaning in life, when I'm depressed; which I'm starting to realize has been much more often than I thought or even want to think now. If there was a drug that would bring joy to fiscal prudence, or a therapy for happiness in frugality...; I don't know. It's like finding alphabets in oatmeal. Most everything I've tried fails to bring clarity. The best it ever does is make obscurity feel a little better.