Depression Understood Forums

So at the end of the school year, two of my friends ended up getting into a massive argument, ending with one (we'll call him John) taking all of my friend (Mary)'s darkest secrets (battle with anxiety and depression, coming out, insecurity issues, etc.) and throwing them back in her face, almost like she was damaged because of it. I ended up getting in a fight with John about a week later because I couldn't respect him for what he did to Mary, who is my best friend, and he also dragged me into the argument, saying that Mary bullies me and treats me horribly and is an awful person.

The problem here is that I did tell John one time that it sometimes did feel like Mary used me, but that it was never true. When John and I started arguing, he threw all of that back at me, saying that everything I ever told him to keep between us he has. I've been really emotional this week and overthinking a lot of things, and I've been wondering whether or not I should come clean to Mary about what I said. I've been so scared to tell her this because I don't want to make her feel bad or bring her down even more (she's going through a rough time right now), but I would rather she hear that I felt that way from me personally and not from John. I don't plan on forgiving John any time soon for many other reasons, but I would never want him to ruin the best friendship I have ever had between me and Mary.

Does anyone have any advice for how to handle this situation? I need a little guidance to help ease my mind about it all.

Hello dvaccaro012,
How are things going now? Typically, I'd advise you to keep it to yourself. However, because you and John are currently at odds with eachother, he may just open his pie hole. If I were you, I'd take Mary somewhere nice, private and peaceful. At some point, remind her of all the reasons she's your best friend. Maybe present a token of your friendship and/or a card. When things are right, calmly and gently let her know what was said. Yes, it may hurt her. But, hopefully, (most likely) she'll appreciate your honesty. Remember that the manner in which you convey this is important!.

I really wish you the best. This whole scenario may one day be a thing of the past. Please keep us updated on what happens!
Also, I want to remind you that it's good to forgive-- just as it's nice to be forgiven.

Hi 4EverMe,

Things now are okay. I am visiting Mary this weekend and am planning on telling her what happened. I am sick with guilt over this it's been horrible. I know that once I tell her I will feel so much better, but I wouldn't want her to be upset with me or think I've betrayed her in any way.

I've also thought about forgiving John, but honestly I can't right now. I was so much happier with him not in the picture and I don't think he was a good friend for me, so forgiveness might come, but not right now.

Thank you so much for the reply - I just needed some guidance on the situation and am praying that this all works out for the best.

Hi dvaccaro012,
I'm proud of you for making the right decision! And I'm sorry that my response to you came a bit late. It seems like you're a mature young man with additional insight for your age.

The way you spilled your heart out here about how badly you feel? If I were you, I'd tell Mary all these things. Sometimes, what hurts us most is when we think someone doesn't care how badly they've hurt us. I think you realize this. I also believe that the apology will come straight from your heart. My prayer went up for you both. I believe that everything will be okay. One day, although you don't have to be friends w/him, I think you'll find it in your heart to forgive 'John.' Please keep us posted! Good luck to you.