Such a perfect predator,silent and cold .
It can wrap you in a coil so tight ,you can feel nothing good around you .
Screwing up your emotions and your ability to carry out any normal tasks ,it is with me now as i type these words ,does it watch in anticipation at what i will write ! Of course not it knows already what will be put down here ,it knows what i will dream tonight ,and what my mood will be tommorrow .
I can become blind to all i have good in life ,it will tell me things without words being spoken ,in shows me the past present and maybe the future .
In the past it has brought me to tears many times ,I have layed with my face into the cold earth outside in the garden ,so my family would not hear my screams of pain .
My Depression puts in my head unspeakable things that are far more terrible than any horror film.
I know it will be with me for ever ,but as bad as it has and can be i will never let it touch my family.
It has to be lived with ,and however bad you feel you must carry on ,or just carry on giving up and complaining !
But i must say again it is a powerful ,perfect creature witch can and will take many forms.
I love you Fran and it will never beat Me ,You know that
Depression ,silent ,cold,Perfect.
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SilentWaters
- Posts: 33
- Joined: Wed Aug 07, 2013 7:21 am
- Location: South Africa
Sinking
The boat you call tommorrow would surely sink with all the people who would rush aboard ,looking for an escape from what they fear .
But there is no escape no running and hiding ,depression will be with you wherever you could hide ,It has to be faced and life somehow has to carry on .
If there are those of you that feel ill ,you have my sympathy But ive dealt with it for nearly all my life ,you must curse the darkness inside you ,force
yourself forward each step taken in the right direction will deal your depression a harsh blow ,
We all have the strength inside us to carry on its up to you to find it !!!!!
I have forgotten more pain than many may have suffered.
There Hate me now because i have become unfeeling .................
But there is no escape no running and hiding ,depression will be with you wherever you could hide ,It has to be faced and life somehow has to carry on .
If there are those of you that feel ill ,you have my sympathy But ive dealt with it for nearly all my life ,you must curse the darkness inside you ,force
yourself forward each step taken in the right direction will deal your depression a harsh blow ,
We all have the strength inside us to carry on its up to you to find it !!!!!
I have forgotten more pain than many may have suffered.
There Hate me now because i have become unfeeling .................
Yea, well...feeling.... Yup, that's what it's about isn't it?
Or lack thereof.
...and fighting; fighting helps me feel something. Even the pain, the external pain, helps to warm the emotions.
That's, I think, why depression is advancing in me. I avoid the fight more often; not because I want to, but because I think I should try to preserve what's left. Thus, what's left becomes less feeling.
But hate...? No, I often feel anger but rarely have enough energy for hatred.
Well any way; there's pie, there's almost always pie.
Or lack thereof.
...and fighting; fighting helps me feel something. Even the pain, the external pain, helps to warm the emotions.
That's, I think, why depression is advancing in me. I avoid the fight more often; not because I want to, but because I think I should try to preserve what's left. Thus, what's left becomes less feeling.
But hate...? No, I often feel anger but rarely have enough energy for hatred.
Well any way; there's pie, there's almost always pie.
Hi ken,
Thank you for keeping it beautifully real. I feel the same...If depression were a cold, dark and VISIBLE entity standing before me, I'd dream up many, numerous deaths to inflict upon it--making it miserable for ever picking me to screw with. But...for all loved ones? It would pay a price infinitely much worse. I'd make it pay SLOWLY for the many GOOD people in this world who took their own lives because it wouldn't leave them be! (and for those who were left grieving for them) Generally speaking, I believe that depression is something that cozies up to the best of us. Why? It's simple. The ass***** among us don't care about much either way. Why prey upon people who truly don't give a crap?! It is usually the kindest, most loving and empathetic in our midst who are slowly murdered by this cowardly beast. Those of us with hearts generally have a harder time accepting the cruelties of this world. Those of us who truly care are bothered by evil/injustices. We are AFFECTED by it on a deeper level! We LOVE.
Thank you for keeping it beautifully real. I feel the same...If depression were a cold, dark and VISIBLE entity standing before me, I'd dream up many, numerous deaths to inflict upon it--making it miserable for ever picking me to screw with. But...for all loved ones? It would pay a price infinitely much worse. I'd make it pay SLOWLY for the many GOOD people in this world who took their own lives because it wouldn't leave them be! (and for those who were left grieving for them) Generally speaking, I believe that depression is something that cozies up to the best of us. Why? It's simple. The ass***** among us don't care about much either way. Why prey upon people who truly don't give a crap?! It is usually the kindest, most loving and empathetic in our midst who are slowly murdered by this cowardly beast. Those of us with hearts generally have a harder time accepting the cruelties of this world. Those of us who truly care are bothered by evil/injustices. We are AFFECTED by it on a deeper level! We LOVE.
I'm totally with you 4Ever; it's self analysis that brings self recrimination. I think there are some people out there who actually try but fail at any deep self analysis and thus avoid depression. Now, I don't think self analysis must necessarily bring on depression, but that it is a prevalent danger. I think it's a difficult thing to look deeply at ones inner demons and not get sucked in.
The formal discipline of meditation has many preparatory steps and precepts in order guard against falling into the abyss. I think, to some extent, the changing times are forcing us to look at our lives more critically but without a spirit guide. Going it alone has it's pit falls. That is one reason I'm grateful for this forum.
The formal discipline of meditation has many preparatory steps and precepts in order guard against falling into the abyss. I think, to some extent, the changing times are forcing us to look at our lives more critically but without a spirit guide. Going it alone has it's pit falls. That is one reason I'm grateful for this forum.
Frame, I guess it's watching the progressively worsening state of the world...to feel I'm losing more innocence due to my growing knowledge of it. It's all of that crap, and then what's currently going on in my life (and in the lives of loved ones). When you wrote of going it alone (and no spirit guide) what did you mean?
I believe we have the comforter. Logically, I know it's true, and have felt His presence. But sometimes, like NOW, I don't know where to go. It feels like I'm stuck. Right now, I am supposed to be proactively seeking a place to live. What am I doing? I'm sitting here fuming angry that I've been wrongfully placed in this predicament to begin with! This is NOT helping, and yet I can't help it. To be honest, I'm practically frozen. I take a step forward, to then take two steps back. Like a child, I feel (for the first time since I WAS a child) that I need someone to take my hand and guide me. Instead, I have my ex telling me to move in w/him! He was jealous & abusive.I can't do it. End of rope!
I believe we have the comforter. Logically, I know it's true, and have felt His presence. But sometimes, like NOW, I don't know where to go. It feels like I'm stuck. Right now, I am supposed to be proactively seeking a place to live. What am I doing? I'm sitting here fuming angry that I've been wrongfully placed in this predicament to begin with! This is NOT helping, and yet I can't help it. To be honest, I'm practically frozen. I take a step forward, to then take two steps back. Like a child, I feel (for the first time since I WAS a child) that I need someone to take my hand and guide me. Instead, I have my ex telling me to move in w/him! He was jealous & abusive.I can't do it. End of rope!
look behind
You say you wish to see depression so you could hurt it in some way ,
This is possible ,all you need to do is look in the mirror and there you will see it before you ,although if you try to harm it you will only hurt yourself ,so go on take a good look in the mirror and see that it is you and you are it ,
Also if you think you have not done much with your life and feel like your getting knowere ,stop and look behind you and you will see how far you have come ,,
Please dont call me Ken ,you dont know me ,and i dont know anyone here . XKEN728
This is possible ,all you need to do is look in the mirror and there you will see it before you ,although if you try to harm it you will only hurt yourself ,so go on take a good look in the mirror and see that it is you and you are it ,
Also if you think you have not done much with your life and feel like your getting knowere ,stop and look behind you and you will see how far you have come ,,
Please dont call me Ken ,you dont know me ,and i dont know anyone here . XKEN728
Apologies xken728, if you've been irritated; but I'd like to take issue with one thing. Depression certainly has it's hold on me, is part of me; and hurting any part of me could hurt. But it's not me. It's not you. It's a part of us, maybe a big part of us at times.
To say that it is you, I think however, is embracing depression. To embrace it is not the same as living with it. And I think there should be part of ourselves we reserve from depression. It's been said; keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I think there is wisdom in that, for we need to study our enemies, to know them in order to defeat or at least neutralize them. To understand and control depression, we need to be with it, yet not be it.
To say that it is you, I think however, is embracing depression. To embrace it is not the same as living with it. And I think there should be part of ourselves we reserve from depression. It's been said; keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I think there is wisdom in that, for we need to study our enemies, to know them in order to defeat or at least neutralize them. To understand and control depression, we need to be with it, yet not be it.
Well said, Frame. I guess I should also add that when a person has diabetes, it makes them diabetic...but, in no way, are they 'diabetes' in itself. Same can be said of cancer, and on-and-on. 
XKen728,
My apologies as well if I didn't spell out your entire profile name. You say not to call you ken, that you don't know me, and I don't know you. Fair enough. But please don't imply that I AM 'depression,' for, the same is true; You don't know me, nor do I know you.
XKen728,
My apologies as well if I didn't spell out your entire profile name. You say not to call you ken, that you don't know me, and I don't know you. Fair enough. But please don't imply that I AM 'depression,' for, the same is true; You don't know me, nor do I know you.
so be it
maybe you took what i wrote here a little to personally ,its the way i write
My view of depression through the darkness that is my life , dont be offended ,i wasnt offended by your reply ,if you dont like what i say then dont visit these posts ,its your choise ,as is what i write here that is mine .
thankyou xn728 ...............................
My view of depression through the darkness that is my life , dont be offended ,i wasnt offended by your reply ,if you dont like what i say then dont visit these posts ,its your choise ,as is what i write here that is mine .
thankyou xn728 ...............................
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