Where it all comes together (or when it all falls apart)

[Frame]

It all seems to happen at once. Sort of makes sense. Like squeezing through the Gibraltar straits, or the Suez, or the Panama canal. Everything comes together and the squeeze is on. So everything is up for inspection. All our strengths and flaws.

And it's easy for enemies or hecklers to assemble to take pots shots. What am I talking about? Well, partly about pressure. Depression is not compression, nor is it expression, or decompression. Depression involves pressure. It squeezes our strengths and our weaknesses closer together. Depression allows us to see our selves a little bit better, in more stark relief, in higher contrast. That is if we can bare to look; it's hard for me not to want to look away in disgust.

So when we're depressed and struggling, our lives under pressure are more vulnerable, more visible, more concentrated; even if they we feel diluted, exhausted, desperate, and weak we want to hide because we are so exposed. We can't manage the disguise.

So, at the very time we (I at least) want to run away, we stand the best chance of getting honest help. The fog I feel inside my head makes it harder to set up smoke screens. It also pushes us out of our well worn trenches, providing the possibility of new habits and paths. Change is inevitable. It important to look at our lives in terms of strengths and hopes.

Blah, blah, blah...well it sounded good inside my head...for a minute.

[Frame]

Yes, the only we can rely on is change. So as I lay in bed wanting the world to pass by, as I lie on the floor hoping no one can see me, as I sit ruminating still gears turning bees buzzing in my head; the world and I are changing. Maybe in the next turn I'll jump back on the merry-go-round. Hopefully, when the music finally stops, there will be a chair there for me. Oh, wait...it never stops.