feel out of control and alone
Posted: Sat Jun 15, 2013 10:42 pm
I feel like everything is out of control... I'm supposed to be saving money for grad school, and I'm living with my parents to be able to do that, but we're so poor my whole paycheck goes to paying for family expenses every time. And it's not even a matter of not being able to put money away, I can't even scrounge $15 to go out to eat with my friends, and I'm constantly having to turn them down to do stuff because I'm always broke. It's not like it's going to frivolous family expenses, it's stuff like groceries, gas, utilities, but still, I just wish I had some control over whether I could spend even small amounts of money on something for me. Also, my mom has bad OCD, and I have to help her every night with that or she is very upset, and it's a huge deal for everyone to leave the house at the same time because of it.
Also, I'm very irritable and depressed and anxious at home, I almost never feel happy or content about anything, I pretty much just worry, but I don't want to burden my family any more than they need to be with everything we're going through already. But I always say something stupid that makes everyone mad at me, and then I feel so alone. I don't want to bother my friends, and my family already has to deal with my drama.
This probably all just makes me sound like a big victim, and that's not true, I'm just much to blame as anyone for my problems, if not more. I cannot stress that enough- OTHER PEOPLE ARE NOT TO BLAME FOR ME BEING STRESSED. I DO NOT WANT TO BE SEEN AS A VICTIM! But I just wish I wasn't so alone when I'm burdened with all this sadness/irritability/frustration. I wish I could either just do everything perfectly so no one would get mad at me, or I had someone to support me when I'm the stupid idiot I always seem to be. Sorry for this long post, but I'd really appreciate some support if someone has got it for me.
Also, I'm very irritable and depressed and anxious at home, I almost never feel happy or content about anything, I pretty much just worry, but I don't want to burden my family any more than they need to be with everything we're going through already. But I always say something stupid that makes everyone mad at me, and then I feel so alone. I don't want to bother my friends, and my family already has to deal with my drama.
This probably all just makes me sound like a big victim, and that's not true, I'm just much to blame as anyone for my problems, if not more. I cannot stress that enough- OTHER PEOPLE ARE NOT TO BLAME FOR ME BEING STRESSED. I DO NOT WANT TO BE SEEN AS A VICTIM! But I just wish I wasn't so alone when I'm burdened with all this sadness/irritability/frustration. I wish I could either just do everything perfectly so no one would get mad at me, or I had someone to support me when I'm the stupid idiot I always seem to be. Sorry for this long post, but I'd really appreciate some support if someone has got it for me.