One-sided love is so painful

Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.

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UpsideDown
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Feb 28, 2013 12:25 pm

One-sided love is so painful

Postby UpsideDown » Thu Feb 28, 2013 1:00 pm

(If this topic is on the wrong page, please move it to the right page :) )

Hi, I'm new here.

My problem isn't that big, but I am just sick of it, or I don't know how to explain how I feel about it, but it is not positive feelings. I just need to write.

I guess that some people could be curious, so I'll tell our ages. I am 18, my best friend is also 18, and the guy is 20.

I met my best friend when I started to do a matrial arts sport six years ago, which I love. She is a girl that likes to socialize with people, and it seems like that almost every guy she is social with, falls in love with her. She says that she automatically flirts with them, without noticing it.

One year ago, a guy started at our club. He have been doing the matrial arts sport before, but took a break because of school. Me and my best friend started to talk with him, and we quickly became friends. At that time, I liked another boy.

About one month ago, I started to get feelings for this guy. I have done naive mistakes before, thinking that my (old) significant other liked me back, which was wrong, so this time I tried to avoid thoughts that would encourage me to think that he liked me back the same way as I like him as much as possible.

But there was a little hope and thought about it.
Sometimes when we hug each other, he could lift me up, but that was nothing more than some minor behaviour I was noticing.

My best friend likes to hang out with people during free-time, so she have been with this guy during free-time. Also, she is that kind of girl who often send sms quite often, so they have been messaging each other.

That made him think that there was something going on between the two of them. Which was wrong.

My best friend already have a boyfriend, but as I said earlier, she rarely notices that she flirts automatically.

(My best friend told me this)
One day, they were messaging, and came to the topic about boyfriend and love and so on. She told him something about her boyfriend, which he of course didn't know about. He told her that he liked her. The atmosphere between them is still awkward, but I am not too sure about that. Could be worse, could be better.

I have already told her a little about that I maybe liked him, but when she told me what I just wrote about, proved that I actually had feelings towards him. The pain and anxiety killed me inside, and I had to tell her how I felt, that was some hours after she told me though.

She did know that I liked him, but she didn't know that my feelings were that strong already that I could start to cry if I got hurt. She apologized to me lots of times, tried to comfort me, and started to think about her behaviour against boys at our age. I noticed that her behaviour have changed.
My guess is: mainly when a guy starts to like her more than a friend, she doesn't change her behaviour against other persons. But, this time it ended getting her best friend (me) hurt, she have thought about it, and have to control how she is behaving against other guys.

Later, she told me that she met the guy I like, and they talked about it. She said that he said that he didn't want anything serious with her, he was just feeling lonely. That made her think that he didn't like her that way, after all.

But I kinda doubt about it, I don't know.

I am just confused now, because I went on a vacation, and havent met him for a month before the day my friend told me about that he liked her and all that. So some days ago, we finally met each other (we had training). I noticed that day that he looked at me a lot, when he hugged me, he picked me up, and started to spin me around, like he was superhappy over something. He talked to me a lot, and I also noticed that he and my best friend barely talked to each other, they didn't even hug each other like they used to.

I wish that I also could be that person who could message people often without feeling that I might bother them or annoy them. I feel like this because I usually don't like when people are messaging me without pauses.
I don't want to be an annoying person.

Sorry for any spelling mistakes, my first language isn't english, so yeah...

Take care.

Littlewolf
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Mar 07, 2013 3:18 am

Postby Littlewolf » Thu Mar 07, 2013 4:00 am

Hey ~ :)

As someone who has had their ups and down with relationships and one-sided crushes, this is what I have to say.

I'd try talking to the guy a bit more, not only during your martial arts class but outside as well, maybe go out and watch a movie in theater with a group of friends but sit with him and see if he interacts with you the most or if he tends to talk to others as much if not more than you.

Get to know him, maybe text him if you can, or IM him via a social network if you have one.
It's so easy to think someone likes you by simple actions like long hugs or smiles that seem "special" but sometimes, it's how the person is with a lot of people.

Maybe he does like you a bit but perhaps he's shy? Or maybe he likes your friend or maybe he doesn't want a relationship at all. A lot of men his age tend to like friendships with benefits or casual dating.
(I'm 20 and most of my male friends are like that!)

Just get to know him and believe me, if he likes you, he'll eventually let you know. Or you can summon the courage to talk to him?

metaLarsllica
Posts: 3241
Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2010 12:50 pm
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Postby metaLarsllica » Sun Mar 10, 2013 11:31 am

((((((((((( Upsidedown ))))))))))

Sounds like your friend really cared about your feelings. Maybe the gentleman does like you and wasn't sure how you felt. Maybe your friend broke the ice between you two. You could simply text him and say Hi, what you doing, and see where the convo goes from there. He may enjoy talking a bit and not be annoyed you texted him. It's hard to test the water. Your friend may however be your life jacket if you need a shoulder during this time.

Meta


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