I just want to be okay
Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 7:17 am
I have been thinking what else to write because there's so much I need to say... and then there's that overwhelming doubt that no one will read any of it anyway - that somehow even my anonymous rants will be rejected because that is just how my life is...
Depression really sucks. I have these feelings and I see what I write here and I listen to myself crying and I hate it all. I wish it would all end. Stop. Stop this endless cycle of being so damned pathetic, so damned ugly and so damned hurt.
Sometimes it feels better - when everything works together for a change (the weather, your meds, your parents, your life) and you think, "I'm better! I'm cured! No more depression for me!!!!"
And then it hits you; blindsides you and people around you tell you to "get over it" and "you were fine last week" and "I feel sad too sometimes"
Well I am not sad, I can't get over it (Oh and how I have tried) and yes I was fine last week but that means nothing in the land of the depressed.
I just want to be okay and stay okay. I don't need to be skipping down the street, I just want to be OKAY. Forever.
Depression really sucks. I have these feelings and I see what I write here and I listen to myself crying and I hate it all. I wish it would all end. Stop. Stop this endless cycle of being so damned pathetic, so damned ugly and so damned hurt.
Sometimes it feels better - when everything works together for a change (the weather, your meds, your parents, your life) and you think, "I'm better! I'm cured! No more depression for me!!!!"
And then it hits you; blindsides you and people around you tell you to "get over it" and "you were fine last week" and "I feel sad too sometimes"
Well I am not sad, I can't get over it (Oh and how I have tried) and yes I was fine last week but that means nothing in the land of the depressed.
I just want to be okay and stay okay. I don't need to be skipping down the street, I just want to be OKAY. Forever.