I just want to be okay

[endless]

I have been thinking what else to write because there's so much I need to say... and then there's that overwhelming doubt that no one will read any of it anyway - that somehow even my anonymous rants will be rejected because that is just how my life is...
Depression really sucks. I have these feelings and I see what I write here and I listen to myself crying and I hate it all. I wish it would all end. Stop. Stop this endless cycle of being so damned pathetic, so damned ugly and so damned hurt.

Sometimes it feels better - when everything works together for a change (the weather, your meds, your parents, your life) and you think, "I'm better! I'm cured! No more depression for me!!!!"
And then it hits you; blindsides you and people around you tell you to "get over it" and "you were fine last week" and "I feel sad too sometimes"

Well I am not sad, I can't get over it (Oh and how I have tried) and yes I was fine last week but that means nothing in the land of the depressed.

I just want to be okay and stay okay. I don't need to be skipping down the street, I just want to be OKAY. Forever.

[hollyann]

Hi. I'm sorry you are having such a tough time you aren't alone. It can be really frustrating. I'm sorry you are told just get over it. It's not as simple as that as you know. You aren't ugly or pathetic and you can learn to cope with being hurt.

May I ask wht your diagnosis is?

and don't worry about being rejected here. A lot of caring people here.

hollyann