Honest, Frank, but non-malicious Opinions, needed
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 3:25 pm
I was in recent months (July) diagnosed with Clinical Depression. Today I feel sufficiently confident to claim that I have come out of my depressive state, as I am at least able to come in here, & write about it. I've also stopped taking my prescribed medication of Fluoxetine against my doctor's advice to not stop abruptly without weaning off. It's so far been two weeks without Fluoxetine, and I'm feeling better by the day.
My General Outlook :
1) I don't trust people. I find it hard to trust anyone in terms of what they tell me, say to me, their intentions, sincerity/honesty, reliability, etc. I'm suspicious of people. Be they friends, acquaintances, colleagues, or strangers.
2) I hate people, and I avoid interacting with people unnecessarily because of statement no.1 - but under circumstances where I have to entertain, interact, or mingle with people - I find them all pretentious, overtly & artificially polite/courteous. I can even 'feel' or sense their insincerity and see through their facade by looking at the way their eyes move or look at me. The same applies to family relatives & friends (which I have very few).
3) I am not fearful or afraid of darkness or the night. I walk around my darken home in the wee hours with absolute ease of mind and heart. And occasionally when I do sense a non-physical or living presence, I note that I can detect no feelings of harm, or malicious intent. And strangely, I detect a small hint of true sincerity from the presence. At times when I do detect or sense hostility or ill-will from such presences, they are usually outside my home's main door. Religiously I am a convert Catholic since 1997. But to date, I am starting to feel & believe that God, was created in people's minds and hearts - to hang on to like a crutch to help people walk in life. And He, doesn't exist to me.
4) In my dreams, or whenever I dream (which is 70% of the time), I keep returning to a realm familiar to me since young. This realm never changes, and it is as huge as the real world or this universe we exist within. In this plane there is no such things as light or darkness; because I believe I am not 'seeing' with my eyes, but rather with my mind or my soul. A few other interesting things to also note, is the lack of sense of temperature (hot or cold), no sense of smell or touch, but the sense of FEAR along with all other emotions is notable. Time has absolutely no relevance within this Dream Realm/Plane. I also see others in this realm. Some I can sense are human in origin, while some are not. There is no language spoken amongst them, needs, wants, or intentions to communicate are seemingly intuitive - I simply know what the other party is trying to tell me. Simply because Sound does not exist here either. And in all these decades or nightly visitations to this realm, I can never discern their facial features in any detail. And some are truly formless.
5) I truly believe Mankind (the Human Race) is nearing its end. As to when Dooms Day will happen, I'm really not inclined to fret about it and most certainly do not see the need or the possibility of PREPARING for its arrival. When it finally comes, mankind is no match against Nature, & the demise and extinction of us, will be too instantaneous for any human reaction. Since the beginning, Mankind have squandered away every opportunity to prolong and or sustain their existence on Earth. Even to this day, chances of Redemption are consistently being disregarded or simply ignored, over more mind heart and soul intoxicating worldly ideals and or pursuits.
6) Ironically although I HATE people, I have on countless occasion lent a helping hand, or assisted those who are in need of assistance in various aspects. Principally, I feel that hating should not equate to harming or ignoring those who are suffering. For I am one of them, and/but my sufferings cannot be helped by anyone but myself. I render assistance without expectations, and I do not hang around to be thanked. Having said this, I am not implying I am such noble or saintly person. I just feel I do not belong here, amongst all of you - or us. Throughout my existence (even to this day), I hung tenaciously to my belief that I came into existence either by mistake, or by an undeniable or unstoppable chain of events.
Until I can find more to write about, I'll leave my ramblings as of here, and hope that someone in here, was able to sit down, hear me out, & present me with his or her take on where I'm coming from.
W. Allen
My General Outlook :
1) I don't trust people. I find it hard to trust anyone in terms of what they tell me, say to me, their intentions, sincerity/honesty, reliability, etc. I'm suspicious of people. Be they friends, acquaintances, colleagues, or strangers.
2) I hate people, and I avoid interacting with people unnecessarily because of statement no.1 - but under circumstances where I have to entertain, interact, or mingle with people - I find them all pretentious, overtly & artificially polite/courteous. I can even 'feel' or sense their insincerity and see through their facade by looking at the way their eyes move or look at me. The same applies to family relatives & friends (which I have very few).
3) I am not fearful or afraid of darkness or the night. I walk around my darken home in the wee hours with absolute ease of mind and heart. And occasionally when I do sense a non-physical or living presence, I note that I can detect no feelings of harm, or malicious intent. And strangely, I detect a small hint of true sincerity from the presence. At times when I do detect or sense hostility or ill-will from such presences, they are usually outside my home's main door. Religiously I am a convert Catholic since 1997. But to date, I am starting to feel & believe that God, was created in people's minds and hearts - to hang on to like a crutch to help people walk in life. And He, doesn't exist to me.
4) In my dreams, or whenever I dream (which is 70% of the time), I keep returning to a realm familiar to me since young. This realm never changes, and it is as huge as the real world or this universe we exist within. In this plane there is no such things as light or darkness; because I believe I am not 'seeing' with my eyes, but rather with my mind or my soul. A few other interesting things to also note, is the lack of sense of temperature (hot or cold), no sense of smell or touch, but the sense of FEAR along with all other emotions is notable. Time has absolutely no relevance within this Dream Realm/Plane. I also see others in this realm. Some I can sense are human in origin, while some are not. There is no language spoken amongst them, needs, wants, or intentions to communicate are seemingly intuitive - I simply know what the other party is trying to tell me. Simply because Sound does not exist here either. And in all these decades or nightly visitations to this realm, I can never discern their facial features in any detail. And some are truly formless.
5) I truly believe Mankind (the Human Race) is nearing its end. As to when Dooms Day will happen, I'm really not inclined to fret about it and most certainly do not see the need or the possibility of PREPARING for its arrival. When it finally comes, mankind is no match against Nature, & the demise and extinction of us, will be too instantaneous for any human reaction. Since the beginning, Mankind have squandered away every opportunity to prolong and or sustain their existence on Earth. Even to this day, chances of Redemption are consistently being disregarded or simply ignored, over more mind heart and soul intoxicating worldly ideals and or pursuits.
6) Ironically although I HATE people, I have on countless occasion lent a helping hand, or assisted those who are in need of assistance in various aspects. Principally, I feel that hating should not equate to harming or ignoring those who are suffering. For I am one of them, and/but my sufferings cannot be helped by anyone but myself. I render assistance without expectations, and I do not hang around to be thanked. Having said this, I am not implying I am such noble or saintly person. I just feel I do not belong here, amongst all of you - or us. Throughout my existence (even to this day), I hung tenaciously to my belief that I came into existence either by mistake, or by an undeniable or unstoppable chain of events.
Until I can find more to write about, I'll leave my ramblings as of here, and hope that someone in here, was able to sit down, hear me out, & present me with his or her take on where I'm coming from.
W. Allen