Depression Understood Forums

The Mask of Normality: This is what we wear as an attempt to fool others that we are fine. But, we are in pain.

I think of it as faking it. It's necessary to function in the world, but it makes us all liars. When someone asks how I'm doing, sometimes I'm tempted to really tell them that my world is a living hell, but I never do. I just say.. fine. They would never understand.

I honestly don't know what to say. I'm very inconsistant. People will ask, I'll say I'm fine. They can often tell if I'm not and think I'm being rude, since they can tell I'm lying. Then they get angry with me. I'll get peaved with them. Its a cycle I seem to get caught in. I'm really uncomfortable expressing my feelings, but oftentimes people already know, therefore they ask. And the cycle continues. I don't know how to tell people that I don't wish to talk about it. If I do reply honestly, that I'm not doing well, I get pitied and someone says something very condescendingly. Then I get angry or upset. Another cycle. If I try to avoid the question, or pretend I didn't hear them, they get upset. I get upset. Another cycle. I don't know how to break the cycles. My only way to cope, which really isn't coping, is to avoid people. Or at least try. It doesn't help that I am not very good at masking my feelings. The question confuses me. How do I avoid upsetting people, be honest, and avoid being condescended to?

I can so relate, Borodino. I have spent a lot of time on this very question. People ask: "How are you?" and inside I want to scream "I SUCK!!! LIFE SUCKS!!! How come everyone else finds what they need in this life and I CAN'T??!!??"

I think most people just want the socially polite, "I'm good," with a smile and nod. To say anything else requires them to engage in further exploration of just "how you are", which may not be so peachy keen. I hate the game too, but I play along. And for me, it just reinforces my bewilderment with the world, increases my anxiety and frankly, my rage.

Sorry, no words of wisdom here, just know that you are not alone!

Really identify with all the posts here. Im at the " when is it my time, when do I get what I deserve, instead of the constant kicks" stage. Ive started telling people the truth, and my world seems to be getting smaller by the day. Thing is, and what most people dont understand is, we have a disease. If it was, say, eczema or chicken pox, Im sure people wouldnt treat us with distain.

for a disease that makes one feel so alone, there are an awful lot of us that feel the exact same way. Is this irony or just another of the universes practical jokes? As long as there is one person every once in a while who is truly interested when they ask how are you, I will struggle through and act my act, say I am fine and not upset someone who is not at fault for whats going on in my head and hopefully will never know the pain personally.

i can relate to all of your stories because before I asked for help with my

depression I use to just say to people that I'm fine but I'm really not. I

use to say to myself, "What a good actress I would make." I felt and still

feel that I wear a mask even in my happy place which is with the hoses

and being around the barn. I feel nobody would really understand me

because I'm an older girls while the rest are just teens. But I learned that

its okay and go about my way. Before getting diagnosed with depression

I use to wear a mask and I felt I was living my life in denial but I'm slowly

turning it around. I don't even talk to my friend bill anymore because he

doesn't quite understand what I'm going through or what to say. I feel

bad and good that I just called him yesterday and told him off because he

acted too desperate on a voicemail. I just get angry when anyone

mentions friendship because I feel I do not have a friend at anytime in

my life. I am still going through therapy but I feel I am hitting a brick wall

with the issue of friendship and my mom and I do not speak about it

anymore just because I blew up about it.

borodino wrote:I honestly don't know what to say. I'm very inconsistant. People will ask, I'll say I'm fine. They can often tell if I'm not and think I'm being rude, since they can tell I'm lying. Then they get angry with me. I'll get peaved with them. Its a cycle I seem to get caught in. I'm really uncomfortable expressing my feelings, but oftentimes people already know, therefore they ask. And the cycle continues. I don't know how to tell people that I don't wish to talk about it. If I do reply honestly, that I'm not doing well, I get pitied and someone says something very condescendingly. Then I get angry or upset. Another cycle. If I try to avoid the question, or pretend I didn't hear them, they get upset. I get upset. Another cycle. I don't know how to break the cycles. My only way to cope, which really isn't coping, is to avoid people. Or at least try. It doesn't help that I am not very good at masking my feelings. The question confuses me. How do I avoid upsetting people, be honest, and avoid being condescended to?

I totally relate. I finally got tired of people asking how I was in that way that tells me they are just asking for the sake of being "polite" and the ones that think they are being friendly or that are concerned. Here is how I handle it now days.

I look the person in the eye and say in a serious manner "Do you really want to know?"

Some of them do and I tell them. Most however tend to hem and haw and suddenly find an excuse to be elsewhere lol. It is a relief not to have to deal with people who ask that question just to be "polite".

I think I tell people I'm fine because I feel like I'm putting them in an uncomfortable position by offloading to them.
I don't like to think that I'm bringing somebody down. I know this is the worst thing to do but on a more positive flip side, this shows a consideration for others.