Depression Understood Forums

Have you ever wanted to die? Not suicide, just wishing you would go to sleep at night and never wake up? I just can't take anymore. Medical, mental, legal, financial... It is just too much. Not sure how much I should say. Just need to get this off my chest. I have a therapist and psych dr. But what do I do when I need to talk to someone today??? Am so alone. Scared all the time. Afraid of the headaches. Afraid of the pain. Afraid of falling and no one here to help me. Afraid of the thoughts in my head. Afraid that one day I will reach the end of my rope. Am hanging on by my fingernails and my fingers are getting tired. So tired. I really need someone to talk to but if I tell someone how I really feel they will lock me up again. And if I tell the crisis lines that I am not suicidal, they just refer me to a therapist. Won't someone just talk to me? I know no one is going to respond to this but I just needed to tell someone. [b][/b]

Hello Mrsderby:

After reading your letter, my best thought is to refer you to a book called, --- Fear (Learning To Cope) which was written by Dr. Albert G. Forgione. Unfortunately, that book was written in 1978 so you might have a difficult time coming up with a copy. The last time I read it was at a local University library.

They say that a problem that is well stated is half solved. Well, you have stated your problem precisely. It's the other half of the "solving" that is important now.

You say that you are seeing a therapist and a psych doctor. I would recommend trying to see a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist. They seem to be having more success than some of the other Psychiatrists who think that Freudian theory is still relevant.

While there is much value in Freud's ideas, there is also a great deal of convoluted ideas that tend to confuse rather than help people. I think the Cognitive Behavioral Therapists avoid these kind of problems and get right to the heart of the matter in many cases.

I hope some of the ideas expressed above are able to calm you down somewhat and perhaps even help you to strengthen your fingers.

From one of Mrsderby's posts, (Feb. 12/2012)

--- One Dr thinks it is from my meds for so many years but I don't know. I only know the problem is getting worse. I am 43 years old and can barely carry on a two sided conversation. Does anyone else have this problem? Does anyone have any suggestions? Does anyone have a good joke. (Laughing emoticon)

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A man went to a Psychiatrist for some psychological help. The Doctor tried everything he could think of to help his patient overcome his depression. Finally the Doctor said: "I have two tickets to the local circus and I am going to give them to you. My wife wants to go to the opera on that night so I'll go there instead."

"I want you to pay particular attention to the clown in the center ring. He is absolutely hilarious. Whatever problems I am having are reduced considerably because of the laughter and happiness that this clown gives to me. I hope it will have the same effect on you."

"That sounds like a good idea Doctor", said the patient, "except for one thing, ------------ I'm the clown."

Hilarious. When I am having a particularly bad time I tend to watch funny movies or Americas Funniest Videos. Helps most of the time.

Actually, my therapist does CBT. Met with her first time Friday. I think she's great. Have great hopes she will be able to help.

I wish the problem was as simple as depression though. However, the depression comes from the medical problems that no one can get a handle on. See new Neuro tomorrow. Hopefully he can help. Have complicated migraines, hemipeligic (look it up) every day. Husband has started being a jerk about it. I can barely function, am in tremendous pain, scared and confused, and all he can do is bitch about it. WAAAA. He has to spend 5 minutes taking care of his wife. All he has to do is lay me on the couch, get me a pill and he can walk away. I have to lay there like an invilid in excrutiating pain for hours or days. And he has the nerve to complain about how it affects HIS life.

OOPS. rambling again. Anyway, thank you for your reply. Put a smile on my face. I needed that today.

My husband just called to apologize. I still don't think he gets the point though. We are both so busy saying "whoa is me" that we are unable to understand the other persons side. I keep suggesting he go to a support group for caregivers but he won't. Any suggestions???

Hello Mrsderby:

I looked up hemipeligic and obviously I am way over my head here. Somehow or other you have to find out if that can be corrected or not. I am so sorry that you are in such pain. I am not sure if I would be as cheerful as you seem to be at times, if I had to endure such pain. I think your idea of having your husband attend a support group for caregivers is excellent if you can convince him to do that.

Thank you for the kind words and taking the time to look it up.

I see the neuro tomorrow. Wish me luck. The thing that scares me is that this type of migraine can cause permanent brain damage and increase my chance of stroke. I'm not sure why but that does not sound pleasant

Hello Mrsderby:

Let's start with this message first.

I think your explanation of the situation between you and your husband is excellent. --- "We are both so busy saying "whoa is me" that we are unable to understand the other persons side." Nevertheless, from what you have written thus far, I think you might like the following story.

A man and his wife went to court to get a divorce. The Judge asked the man if he had any grounds? Yes said the man, we have 2 1/2 acres. No, no, said the Judge, I mean do you have a grudge? No, said the man, but we have a large carport.

The Judge looked confused and befuddled. He settled back in his chair and said. Does your wife beat you up? No, said the man, I get up and shower every morning before she gets up.

At this time the judge threw up his hands and stared at the man in exasperation. Finally the Judge said, Why do you want a divorce? I don't, said the man, my wife does, she says we can't communicate.

From Mrsderby:

"I see the neuro tomorrow. Wish me luck. The thing that scares me is that this type of migraine can cause permanent brain damage and increase my chance of stroke. I'm not sure why but that does not sound pleasant. Wink"

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I suppose it is easy for me to say from a distance, but don't discount the level of resiliency that our bodies and brains have to heal themselves. You've got one very important quality in your fight against your problems. You know how important laughter is.

Good lord you are a sight for a sore mind. You are hilarious!!!

On a downer note though, apparantly nothing is sacred. Last night one of those awful migraines hit me like a freight train in the middle of an private moment!!! Kind of ruined the mood. However, Jerry took to heart what I had said and he was wonderful in supporting me. He said today that he is taking me to the Botanical Gardens Sunday, migraine or not. I am really looking forward to that. Hope I don't ruin it because I have never been. Temp is supposed to be 80 degrees so it will be beautiful. Can't wait.

Be nice now Mrsderby, --- be nice. Thank you for your kind words. I just hope I haven't used up all my humor in one or two submissions. I live in Burlington Ontario, Canada with my wife and we have a wonderful Botanical Gardens close by. We haven't been there for a few years but I guess we should put it back on a front burner.

I don't have a computer at home so I am at the local library. We have done this deliberately to save some money and also to prevent me from spending too much time on the internet. Without your previous letter in front of me, I am inclined not to write too much about your migraine headache.

I'm about to go ice skating for a half-hour or so. I'll check in here later this afternoon or tonight. Chin up young lady, (I'm 74) chin up

From Mrsderby --- PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 9:01 pm


I see the neuro tomorrow. Wish me luck. The thing that scares me is that this type of migraine can cause permanent brain damage and increase my chance of stroke. I'm not sure why but that does not sound pleasant.

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Myself:

I agree, that doesn't sound pleasant at all. One of your Doctors might be right. The one that said it might be all the drugs you have been taking over the years. While they know what good these drugs can do, I am not so sure that they know what all of the negative side-effects might be.

In regards to your partial paralysis, is it permanent or transitory? You said at one point that you were afraid of falling which means you can walk. On your trip to the Botanical Gardens with your husband Jerry, will you be walking or will you be in a wheel-chair?

If you have already written about this elsewhere, I hope you will be good enough to repeat it again for my sake so I am better informed about your actual situation.

In reference to laughter, I remember reading that before they developed the drugs that they now use, some people who had mental problems would spend much of the day laughing at apparently nothing in particular.

I think the psychiatrists at that time failed to realize that these people were actually trying to self-medicate themselves with laughter. It has the ability to help calm ones nerves. It can change a negative attitude into a positive one. When you laugh, in effect, you are saying that you enjoy life. One thing for sure, everybody knows that laughter is good for you. The trick of course is to laugh with someone, not at someone.

Hello again

In the ebscence of a migraine I can walk fine. I have been developing muscle weakness all over but can still walk. The problem happens when I have a migraine. My entire Left sidegoes weak and useless and, if I am upright, I fall down. Yes I will be taking my walker to the botanical gardens. Or maybe a wheelchair if they have one to rent. I think I will have more fun if I don't have to worry about weekness or falling ruining the day. Am really looking forward to it.

And yes, I laugh as often as I can. My motto has always been "if the choice is to laugh or cry, I would rather laugh". Besides, crying just makes my nose stuffy, my eyes puffy and gives me a headache. Who would want that???

I have enjoyed talking with you. Have to go to neuro now. Wish me luck. Will update you when I get back.

Have a marvelous day

Good luck at the Neuro. Let us know how it turns out.

holly

Good news and bad news.

The good news is he may be able to get me down to about 5 migraines a month. Bad news is, they will never go away. Yes, they can cause permanent damage and increase chance of stroke.

I have to make a complete lifestyle change. He also told me not to take the migraine pain medication, not even Excedrin. No caffeine - Period. I cannot take Asprin or Ibuprofin due to stomach issues and I built up a tolerance to Tylenol years ago. That means I have nothing to take for the pain. Pain that, on a scale of 1 - 10 is at least a 15. I will call him about that tomorrow. He started me on Depakote but have to get it cleared from phych first.

I am trying not to be depressed about this. I guess 5 times a month is better than every day, right?

Quick, I need a joke.