I hate my father
Posted: Fri Sep 16, 2011 11:50 am
I was feeling a lil lost lately and for the longest time, Ive been trying to figure out the hatred my dad had for me. This is the story of my biased father.
I am 26 years old this year and ever since I can remember, I've always thought that my father have been practicing favoritism since I was a child. For every mistakes my siblings did, I will get the trashing. He loves my sis more cause she's way more beautiful than I am. I've tried to win his love since I was a child by getting good results and high paid job to ease his burden, but he never actually recognize any of my efforts. He keeps on praising my sister in front of relatives and his friends and keeps on saying what a beauty she is. I am brown skinned which I totally get it from him. He've always said that fair girls are prettier and thats why he married my mom cause dark skin girls are not attractive. Since I was a child, I look in the mirror and keeps on cursing my skin colour until I met my wonderful boyfriend who keeps on saying how beautiful I am every now and then.
Back to my father's story.. it really hurts me that whenever he needs my help, he will come and talk to me nicely and once its over, he will not talk to me anymore until the next help he wants from me. My sis made a terrible mistake lately and my father let off his fumes on me. He keeps on scolding me every single day for trivial matters and this has been affecting me emotionally pretty badly.
I wanted to leave the house but he threatened that if I ever leave, I should never ever come back. But while I am in the house helping whatever I can with the household errands, he will just ignore my existence and speaks nicely to my other siblings. He will not speak a single word to me. It hurts when he can treat everyone nicely but refuses to talk to me at all.
I've confronted him and Ive lost my mind while trying to know whats the reason behind his silence. Why does he hate me so much. Why does he only comes to me when he needed my help. I feel so used and worthless in the house. Nobody appreciates my contribution and everyone have been using me cause I am the only one earning big bucks in the house. I feel so unloved. I have a boyfriend and we're planning to get married soon but my father interfered in my love life too. He said if I dont get married by the end of the year, he will not allow my boyfriend to see me anymore. I dont understand why he is controlling my life and I dont know why I allow him to do that to me. I feel like I have no one to talk to. No one who can understand my pain. I feel so alone..
I stumbled upon this website while looking for a sign for depression cause Ive been crying alot lately for the fact that he can totally ignore me and talk so nicely to my sister who have made a grave mistake and he forgave so readily and being so unforgiving towards me who havent done any mistakes which doesnt deserve to be pardoned. I am really hurt. Why is life so unfair towards me. Ive been blessed with good job and pay but I am nothing in my own house. Worthless.
I am 26 years old this year and ever since I can remember, I've always thought that my father have been practicing favoritism since I was a child. For every mistakes my siblings did, I will get the trashing. He loves my sis more cause she's way more beautiful than I am. I've tried to win his love since I was a child by getting good results and high paid job to ease his burden, but he never actually recognize any of my efforts. He keeps on praising my sister in front of relatives and his friends and keeps on saying what a beauty she is. I am brown skinned which I totally get it from him. He've always said that fair girls are prettier and thats why he married my mom cause dark skin girls are not attractive. Since I was a child, I look in the mirror and keeps on cursing my skin colour until I met my wonderful boyfriend who keeps on saying how beautiful I am every now and then.
Back to my father's story.. it really hurts me that whenever he needs my help, he will come and talk to me nicely and once its over, he will not talk to me anymore until the next help he wants from me. My sis made a terrible mistake lately and my father let off his fumes on me. He keeps on scolding me every single day for trivial matters and this has been affecting me emotionally pretty badly.
I wanted to leave the house but he threatened that if I ever leave, I should never ever come back. But while I am in the house helping whatever I can with the household errands, he will just ignore my existence and speaks nicely to my other siblings. He will not speak a single word to me. It hurts when he can treat everyone nicely but refuses to talk to me at all.
I've confronted him and Ive lost my mind while trying to know whats the reason behind his silence. Why does he hate me so much. Why does he only comes to me when he needed my help. I feel so used and worthless in the house. Nobody appreciates my contribution and everyone have been using me cause I am the only one earning big bucks in the house. I feel so unloved. I have a boyfriend and we're planning to get married soon but my father interfered in my love life too. He said if I dont get married by the end of the year, he will not allow my boyfriend to see me anymore. I dont understand why he is controlling my life and I dont know why I allow him to do that to me. I feel like I have no one to talk to. No one who can understand my pain. I feel so alone..
I stumbled upon this website while looking for a sign for depression cause Ive been crying alot lately for the fact that he can totally ignore me and talk so nicely to my sister who have made a grave mistake and he forgave so readily and being so unforgiving towards me who havent done any mistakes which doesnt deserve to be pardoned. I am really hurt. Why is life so unfair towards me. Ive been blessed with good job and pay but I am nothing in my own house. Worthless.