Depression Understood Forums

I am sharing this because I got a good reminder of what we face with others.

The other day, my man asked me something to the effect of.... "How could anyone get to such a state of being depressed, so as to give up like that?"

& you know.... all I could do was just look at him. He wasn't saying it negatively or judgmentally. Truly, he just didn't understand. I looked at him & wanted to cry (& I don't often cry). Thinking about it now, I still feel the same.

I know he didn't understand.... I don't think after all I said that he understood either.

It was one of those moments where all I could see myself doing was giving a sort of helpless sigh....

(((( crystal ))))

((((((((((((((( Crystal ))))))))))))))

Found that people that doesn't deal with depression can't always understand, although they try.

Warmie

Maybe, in the near future, people will understand better... There have been commercials on tv about awareness and the sigma of mental illnesses. It had a actor with her sister and alot of others w/ mental illnesses in it. Recently, one of the LA Laker players sold his Championship Ring to help people with mental illnesses...
I hope this is on topic and/or of any help.

(((((((( crystalgaze ))))))))!
I'm afraid that I can't think of much more to do than give a helpless sigh myself!
I'm feeling very much an " outsider in the world " at the moment due to my own depression, and a growing, isolating feeling that it isn't something that I can really explain to other people, at least at the moment, however clearly I explain, or however much they try to understand.
I can understand some reasons why my depression is bad at the moment. The Christmas holidays, however much I like Christmas, ( And, I do! ), led to my spending most of Christmas by myself, with no-one to really talk to, and a lot of the places I go to and the things that I do, closed down over the holidays. Today was rather uncomfortable at work, during my Performance Planning review, my manager did very tactfully ask if the fact that I was looking less tidy than usual might mean that I was feeling depressed. And, I had to sheepishly explain that I've been having personal grooming issues over Christmas because not only has the laundrette that I use been nclosed over Christmas, but the plumbing in my flat has packed up almost entirely! The toilet, shower and sink in my flat have all backed up, for whatever reason! So, I can't even wash anything in the sink...While, he understood entirely, I still felt like I was about two inches tall...It's hard to feel that you're " master of your fate ", when you can't even get a pair of socks washed...!
Anyway, to return to my point, and your thread, ( Sorry, rambilng... ), I don't know what to do about this. I can understand my feelings of depression, at least to some extent, and to that extent I can explain the feeling of depression. But, I don't know how to convey just how BAD it feels, how lost and isolated and rather " pointless " I feel as I'm writing this.
Sorry, not much of a helpful response, I know. I hope that knowing that you're not alone in your feelings is at least some help. I am TRULY impressed that you are " keeping the faith " about relationships with " non-depressives. " I'm increasing doubtful that I could be myself in such a relationship at all.

I know that feeling.

For some time, I felt suicidal. I really wanted to leave this world and end everything. The other day I was hanging out with some of my close friends and one them remarked that: "Those people who killed themselves are so stupid! There's so much more in life! Why can't they get out of their own head??"

I felt so sad and wanted to cry when I heard that. They think it is that easy to "get out of their own head". They had never known what it is like to feel hopeless about life and everything.

I was hurt by her comment so I replied: "It's because of people like you, who are unsympathetic, and that's why these people committed suicide."

Of course she didn't agree with me and I didn't say anything more. They just don't understand, and will never understand.

Thanks for your post, (((( Mysticalflame )))). On my better days I try to remind myself that the reason most people don't understand what depression feels like, ( How bad it can feel, how isolating it can feel, ) is just BECAUSE they have never experienced it.
I've never experienced being a parent, so I can't truly understand what parenthood feels like. In the same way, someone who has never experienced depression can't truly understand what depression feels like. That doesn't make them cruel, unsympathetic, or ignorant, anymore than the fact that I've never experienced being a parent makes me cruel, unsympathetic or ignorant.
Perhaps there are times when, rather than trying to explain how depression feels, it might be better to sneak up on the problem " sideways ", as it were.
For example, I've noticed that even if people are unable to understand exactly how bad depression makes me feel, or why it makes me feel as bad as it does, they will often pick up on the fact that I'm feeling very low, and go out of their way to make me feel better. Even, if they don't really understand why or how I'm feeling so low. Perhaps it's easier for non-depressives to deal with the effect of depression, rather than the cause, depression itself.

(((((((((crystal)))))))))) I know with my ex-husband, he used to feel responsible sometimes for my depression and suicide attempts. Depression can be so hard on our partners, especially those who have never experienced it. But I echo the comment good for you for trying with someone and trying to help him understand. Maybe the best thing you can do is tell him what you need from him when you are down, like do you like to be held more or need space? Whatever empowers him to feel like he's helping you through it. That's the only thing I can suggest, but then I have a long history of failed relationships, so what do I know...

((((((((Tacking)))))))) I have missed you sooooo much. I am sorry to hear about the trouble you had over christmas. I hate to think you have given up on relationships because you are such a spectacular person you could make someone a wonderful mate.

Wishing you all love and light in your day.

Thanks for your really kind words, (((( shatteredhopes ))))! It's good to hear from you again!
I'd like to believe that I am a " spectacular person " who could make " someone a wonderful mate. " However, I have doubts about how I would, or could, get from where I am now to being in an actual relationship. By the Grace of God, I think that I'm making at least some, gradual progress in managing my depression better, in being more at ease with myself, even in imagining a more hopeful future for myself. I feel that part of this is accepting myself as I am, being ( CLICHE ALERT! ) " my own man ", learning not to judge myself by other people's or " the company's " expectations, " marching to the beat of my own drum ", etc, etc...
Which is all very well and good, until I start to think of myself through a hypothetical prospective date's/girlfriend's eyes...
Not terribly successful in a material sense, not much money, in a rather prosaic job, that I'm not terribly good at, a flat that looks like a bomb's hit it, ( single men living alone are not world-renowned as good house-keepers. And, single men with depression living alone, are even worse. ), a huge science-fiction fan and geek..."
And, perhaps most of all, when I'm really at my lowest anxiety/depression wise, I'm not sure if I would be a good person for someone to be around. I have to deal with my depression and anxiety, but why would a woman want to have that inflicted on her? Would it be fair? And could a woman see me at my worst without losing respect for me, being " freaked out ", ( Sometimes I get scared how depressed and anxious I get! ) or pitying me?
I can see the appeal of my finding my soulmate, but I'm a little unclear about what she would get out of it?!

What would she get out of it? An incredibly intelligent senstive man who would understand when she had a hard day and came home crying in need of comfort; an incredibly thoughtful man who always concerns himself with others feelings despite how much he suffers himself; an incredibly funny man with a quirky delightful sense of humor that can make someone laugh even at the most awkward or troubling moments...a real gift.

I am in a relationship now which is sort-of boyfriend-girlfriend but more best friends because it is long distance and we are both poor. Both of us are depressed and so neither of us can contemplate a future right now and take it very very slow, but he has the ability to make me laugh sometimes in ways that just lift me up when I'm at bottom, to be understanding, and always always is kind to me. He has his own demons and I have mine, but sometimes we have the ability to lean on each other. I don't know if it will last, but it nice to have someone who understands in my corner to look forward to talking to everyday and who sometimes just keeps me laughing so hard I momentarily suspend my depression and grief.

I am so delighted ((((((((crystal)))))))))) has found someone. Don't sell yourself so short (((((((((tacking))))))))))). I think you shouldn't give up hope that it could be possible, it could be great and it could be something that helps you hang on and pushes you a bit more to be the best you you can be. What you don't think there are chicks who like sci-fi and comics and dungeons and dragons? Even if your "soulmate" isn't into those things, she may have her own hobbies you aren't into either, and it can be healthy to have things that are interests all your own that you pursue outside the relationship.

Maybe one day we can convince you to join a dating site! But meanwhile, I am so glad you are feeling a bit more positive about the future. Are you still writing at all? Jotting down story ideas?

Sorry to sway from your thread (((((((((crystal)))))))))) hope you don't mind friend.

Love and light to you both.

P.S. You think your flat is messy, man the health department would condemn my place if they came in!!!!!!

Thanks soooo much for all your kind words, (((( shatteredhopes ))))!!!!
As you say, I'm not closing off the possibility of a relationship with the right woman. To borrow a phrase from Douglas Adams: " In an infinite universe anything, even the Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy, is possible. " I'm glad that you and (((( crystal )))) have found someone, and I can see the truth of what you say. It would be nice to have " someone who understands in my corner to look forward to talking to everyday ", although it would have to be the right someone. I'm not sure if it's something that could happen through a dating site. I have a suspicion that if I were ever to meet the right woman for me it would be sheer serendipity, not the sort of thing that could be planned or searched for " scientifically ".
I haven't been writing or jotting down story ideas so far this year. Partly because there are plans to reorganise the office I'm working in at the moment. Plans that myself and quite a few, if not most, of my co-workers
feel don't fit the work that we're doing, or the situation that we're doing it in. So far, this has been restricted to one of the " office reorganisers " taking groups of us into a room for " training sessions ", that seem to involve him telling us how the new system is going to work, and us telling him why the new system won't or can't work. So, it feels as if a lot of what might be termed my " creative energy " is being wasted arguing our corner and trying to convince him that two and two is, in fact, four.
Although, I am jotting things down. Not so much story ideas, as just hopeful thoughts or good things that happen to me to make me smile, feel better about myself or more hopeful. It's something I've missed doing though. In fact I've just decided to start jotting down story ideas again on the 'bus tomorrow!
(((( crystal )))), I hope that you don't feel that I've swayed your thread in a direction that you hadn't intended. But, you raised some questions and feelings that very much struck a chord with me, and that I wanted very much to respond too. Even if, truthfully, I wasn't sure that I had anything particularly wise or insightful to say in response...!

don't know if this would answer the question, but I always think of it this way. They wouldn't give up if they were healthy. There mind is so ill they aren't thinking like a normal person. They have distorted thoughts. Think of someone who has had to much to drink, they don't think rationally. So when the chemicals in your brain are not working properly you can't think rationally. Just like the person that has had to much to drink gets behind the wheel of his car, crashes into a telephone pole and kills himself. He wasn't thinking clearly. No different really, his mind was not functioning correctly and he made a bad choice. Do you think that might help him understand?