Depression Understood Forums

Why do i have depression when my life is so good. There is nothing i would chnage about my life right now, yet I have had depression for over 10 years on and off. I dont understand it at all. Im on strong meds, having CBT and yet I still have depression.

Please let me know if you are the same and it isn't just me.
I feel really guilty and confused.

(((((((((((((((( overachiever )))))))))))))))))))

Welcome to the forums. There are many good chatters to talk with, share thoughts, feelings, and just get and give support.

Why depression happens, how it finds us, I don't know, wish I did. All we can do is deal with it, try our best and hope.

Please continue posting and talking with us, it does help.

Warmsoul

" Why depression happens, how it finds us, I don't know, wish I did. All we can do is deal with it, try our best and hope. "
I'd definitely agree with (((( Warmsoul )))) there!!!!
There are things that I am carefully working at changing in my life. Things that can " trigger " or worsen my depression. And, by changing these things I hope to manage my depression better. But like you, (((( overachiever )))), I don't know where my depression comes from really. Why things that " trigger " or worsen my depression so severely don't seem to affect " normal " people to the same extent, or in the same way? Is there something " different "with my brain biochemistry? Or, is my depression linked to life experiences, personal temperament, upbringing, heredity? ( I'm becoming more and more convinced that my Father experienced quite severe depression sometimes. And possibly my Mother too? ) And, if I could get rid of my depression, would I even want to? In theory the idea of " curing " my depression could be good. But, if I were to remove depression from my personality would I be a better, healthier person? Or, if I were to remove the " thread " of depression from the " tapestry " of my personality, would the whole " tapestry " of my personality unravel?
In short, (((( overachiever )))), I'm as confused about my depression as you are. For whatever comfort it may be worth, I'm sure that you are sooooooo not alone!
And yes, I feel guilty too, sometimes. How is it that other people seem to cope with what seem, at least to me, greater problems than mine, better than I seem to be able to deal with my own problems?
However, in the final analysis, I'm back to agreeing with (((( Warmie's )))) thoughts that I quoted at the start of my post. However difficult I may find it sometimes, I'm starting to accept my depression as a " given ". " Beating myself up ", feeling confused and guilty about my depression doesn't do myself or anyone else any good. Anymore than " beating myself up ", feeling confused and guilty about my short sight and astigmatism would help me or anyone else.
So, I try to see my depression as just part of who I am. Not something that has to define me, as long as I'm mindful of it and take reasonable care to manage it, anymore than my short sight defines me, as long as I'm mindful of it and manage it by using the right corrective lenses.
And, if I've managed to make that sound easy, I certainly can't say that it is! But, as a very wise person I know said: " All we can do is deal with it, try our best and hope. "
And, I most devoutly hope that you will be able to see your way to doing this yourself. You are, as is EVERYONE, a unique, precious, irreplaceable human being. And, I so hope that your confusion and guilt, that I so often share about my own depression, won't prevent you from seeing your own great, true worth.

Thanks both of you. I'm really glad I have found this forum. I really needed somewhere I could talk without upsetting anyone.

My husband and sister wanted me open up but when i tell them things they get upset. They were really shocked by some of the thoughts I have (about how i am evil and dont deserve nice things etc) and particularly upset by how I often wish I could die! Now I have gone back to telling them nothing much about how I feel. I hate to upset them.

I have an identical twin sister who doesn't have depression. I'm not saying she is free from any issues - who is!
But because she doesn't have depression it makes it harder for me to put things down to my genetics or my upbringing.

One major difference between my sister and I is that she has always been the stronger dominant twin, where as I have always been quite soft, and sensitive. According to my mum I was always more clingy as a baby, so I suppose we have always had some differences. I can hardly be angry with myself for being too soft if I was like that as a baby too.

So the next step I suppose will be to work on accepting that it is part of my personality and try to stop beating myself up. As you can see from my user name I have very high expectations of myself. I do think I am a good mum, yet that is not nearly enough.... I have to be a perfect mum. The same goes for being a perfect friend, wife and sister. It's exhausting and impossible.

overachiever wrote:So the next step I suppose will be to work on accepting that it is part of my personality and try to stop beating myself up. As you can see from my user name I have very high expectations of myself. I do think I am a good mum, yet that is not nearly enough.... I have to be a perfect mum. The same goes for being a perfect friend, wife and sister. It's exhausting and impossible.

What you pointed out in that passage will be a great place to start. Good luck!

Hi, maybe depression is normal. I too have expectations higher than i could handle. Purposefully. Like a win or lose situation. I don't really tell of what thoughts that come up to me to people. Come on.

I'm only on the accepting part. Did a lot of stupid stuff.Lot dive in and go in deeper of my depression, meeting, knowing despair. Yeah like those.

To what could i compare myself so i could be normal? Oh no, i'm not exactly normal. Why? Yeah, i do that too, a routine so i could go into my depression. You see, I do not know it but I may have a habit to go be negative. all in all.

Setting up my standard of measurement. To be somewhat or level to be accepted by others. Bleh, i could go on.......

Good Luck!

I have thought before I wish I was clueless then it would not bother me to not do things the way I know they should be done. Like raising my son, being a good wife and christian and emploee. Is ignorance truly bliss. Sometimes I wonder if these kinds of things are not what contribute to my depression. I know I need to feed my child healthy foods, set a good example of eating and excersing (I have never exercised and have be overweight my whole life). I want to have daily devotions with him and my husband as a family. Take him to church as often as possible. Be a part of the church. I want to be a good wife, meet my husbands needs. Have a hot meal ready for him. Have a clean house for him. I want to have a good relationship with God. Read and pray daily. It seems the more "people" I have in my life, the more "hats I wear" the less I can cope. I can't get rid of my husband and child - not that I want to, but my brain feels like it is going to explode sometimes trying to figure it all out. So, I just start shutting down. I don't cook, I don't clean, I don't read, I don't pray. I do what I absolutley have to and hate that I don't do more.

Sorry for so much, but it just feels good to say it to someone who might get it.

I'm a perfectionist and that doesn't help either! I have a loving family, enough money to live a decent life, a husband I have been married to for almost 42 years who I know loves me [ even if he is not very good at showing it or saying it], and I feel the same.
I feel I have failed as a wife, as a mother and as a friend. When I am not depressed I try very hard to tell myself this is not true. I have always done the best I could, my husband loves me, my daughters are lovely women and married to great guys, and I have two beautiful grandchildren who love me.
I do have a few chronic health issues, none of which will kill me, but which affect my energy levels quite severely and cause me pain etc. But, as many people are so quick to tell me, it could be worse. I know that, but that doesn't help me deal with my physical health issues or my depression.
My husband is probably a borderline Aspbergers, which makes him hard to read at the best of times, so communication has always been a real struggle in our marriage. Sometimes I wonder that we are still married. He is hard going sometimes - just to get information from him is such a struggle. Sometimes I don't have the energy. I love him most of the time, but at times I get so frustrated and angry with him as he doesn't seem to get the importance of communicating, nor of reassuring me when I am down.
Some days I am fine, others I am hanging on by my fingernails, but I am so much better than I was, thanks to some great doctors and a great psychologist who saw me thru the worst.
Having waht looks like a great life to others has nothing to do with whether we have depression or not, but then I look at other people and wonder what is going on in their lives that I don't see.
Hang in there and keep talking here.

Thank you Nanny for your inspiration to all of us. I hope you will do the same for yourself.

Warmie