Hopelessness
Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2006 6:59 pm
Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 1:07 pm
This week just keeps getting worse and worse. I feel so sick right now and it is a combonation of no sleep, anxiety and just feeling sick. They fired Elaine at work today. She was the billing department manager. One of the hardest working damn people I know. She would come in on her days off and she would stay until 8 pm at night. She worked her ass off for the past 3 months and they shit on her by firing her right after she finished this huge ass report they were all scared about. She gathered us all around she was bawling and trying so hard to not cry and to be upbeat. Elaine always had a smile on her face and never was mean to anyone she is one of the sweetest people I have ever met. She gave everyone a hug. I was crying by the end. I just don't understand it and everyone (except Justin and Michael) had tears in their eyes.
On Friday my best friend from high school passed away. She has been battling cancer for the past two years. I saw her on Thanksgiving and I am grateful for that but it's just so hard. She was such a good friend she was always there for me and she always stood up for me. She was like a sister. She went through the worst years of my life with me and we always hung out.
You know it's just not fair why do bad things happen to such good people. I just don't think there is a reason. I think that no matter what no matter how good you are something will always be there to push you back down. I have pretty much lost all hope that anything good will come out of or happen in my life. I am really really depressed right now I have lost all hope and all motivation. I just can't deal with the constant disappointment and grief and loss and sadness. It is all too overwhelming. There's this heaviness in my chest and my stomach is queasy and my head is somewhere else. I feel like I am already dead emotionally and intellectually and I just wish my body would follow suit.
This week just keeps getting worse and worse. I feel so sick right now and it is a combonation of no sleep, anxiety and just feeling sick. They fired Elaine at work today. She was the billing department manager. One of the hardest working damn people I know. She would come in on her days off and she would stay until 8 pm at night. She worked her ass off for the past 3 months and they shit on her by firing her right after she finished this huge ass report they were all scared about. She gathered us all around she was bawling and trying so hard to not cry and to be upbeat. Elaine always had a smile on her face and never was mean to anyone she is one of the sweetest people I have ever met. She gave everyone a hug. I was crying by the end. I just don't understand it and everyone (except Justin and Michael) had tears in their eyes.
On Friday my best friend from high school passed away. She has been battling cancer for the past two years. I saw her on Thanksgiving and I am grateful for that but it's just so hard. She was such a good friend she was always there for me and she always stood up for me. She was like a sister. She went through the worst years of my life with me and we always hung out.
You know it's just not fair why do bad things happen to such good people. I just don't think there is a reason. I think that no matter what no matter how good you are something will always be there to push you back down. I have pretty much lost all hope that anything good will come out of or happen in my life. I am really really depressed right now I have lost all hope and all motivation. I just can't deal with the constant disappointment and grief and loss and sadness. It is all too overwhelming. There's this heaviness in my chest and my stomach is queasy and my head is somewhere else. I feel like I am already dead emotionally and intellectually and I just wish my body would follow suit.