FALLING TO PEICES (Triggering Material)

[Obayan]

big hugs to Ken and Fran.

[xken728]

Youve been very kind Obayan in replying to all my posts ,and your words are welcome ,
You know ive said here before that i have an abillity to see further than my eyes will allow ,and i feel a change here that i dont understand ,but i wont question it any further ,thanks again and best wishes to all my freinds and thanks for all your support . XN728 Ken....

[Obayan]

Just tring to help in any way I can.

[xken728]

I understand ,
I heard these words somewere ,Out of sight Out of Mind ! Goodbye All.

[Obayan]

Maybe out of sight but never out of mind. Will be missing you and waiting to hear from you again.

[xken728]

The depression is deep and dark ,and since having hypnothereapy ive lost the ability to cope ,in the search for help ,ive had all my coping,
mechcanisams taken away ,the therapist did say its like wipeing a hard drive and starting again, great job she made of that
So now the way i had evolved over the years to cope has all been taken from me ,Now i just have the chest pain and the anger locked inside ,
Dont ever tell me i havent tried ,all my life ive fought you my dark illness ,and have always put others before myself ,it my nature i dont want rewards our praise i just want to be normal ,and you know thats not for me either its for my girls and for my wife Fran ,But you wont show yourself to me will you ,
you hide inside my mind ,what is it that you fear from me that you keep yourself hidden from view so cleverly.
They tell me your a chemical imbalance ,and there are times when i have felt happy ,so there must be an answer somewere within myself .
maybe those who read this will think its the rantings of a madman ,no !
this is just me logicly looking for the answer ,its better than laying down and letting you trample all over me ,
No, for forty odd years ive been search for the answer and this is just the start of another journey !!!
So my dark sentinal if i must carry you forever then so be it but it wont be an easy ride for you either........ xn728

[Obayan]

So my dark sentinal if i must carry you forever then so be it but it wont be an easy ride for you either........ xn728

ken i love that! You really made me sit back and think about a few things tonight..... And you are right! By God if I have to carry this with me for the rest of my life then i'll make damn sure it doesn't have an easy ride of it either! Thank you so much for shareing this with everyone. I think I just found a new source of strength in your words.

[xken728]

Im not frightened of it ,the only thing i fear are the things it shows me when im asleep ,sometimes so real in my mind ,that when on awakening the horror is real and my eyes search the darkness for the strange creatures that pursue me .My love Fran sleeps soundly next to me and i seek comfort in the warmth from her body ,
Depression cannot hurt us physicly ,it can only push us to the point were we could hurt ourselves
Somtimes i will catch a glimpse of depression,and we stand and face each other ,it looks tired and grey ,a lifeless figure .
Our eyes meet and without speaking i tell it what an evil thing it is ,and how it will never beat me ,in silent reply with that cold dead stare it communicates with me in the only way it can ,in my mind .
Snarling it tells me i will never be free ,and the nightmares will never end ,as the demons will return nightly to break my sleep .
But im not moved ,I have so much love around me ,and i understand what you are ,and as you know how i think ,i know how you work too ,
So Depression you cannot win ,and im not going to lose But you know this as well as I ,because we are as one ,
We shared a glance for a few more seconds And As i stepped away from the Mirror the Darkness had gone .
Its amazing how much better i feel for writing this here ,i do it for me you know ,sorry but selfish or not its true .im not crazy at all ,and i know exactly how my illness works ,Thats why ive survived it so long ,ive brought up a great family ,and im proud of who i am ,
The way i write is one of my coping mechanisams,
I have so much to be grateful for in my Life ,and i will see it all so clearly one day ....

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((((( Ken an Fran ))))))))))))))))))))

Hi! Good hearing from you once again, knowing you are still about and still madly in love with the woman of your dreams.

Things are so so here, dealing with some health issues, not a happy camper, but not a lot I can do. I deal with things as they come my way. LOL just wish some of it wouldn't find me. Perhaps you can see my future for me?

Weather is changing, no more lazy warm days. Just a cold nip outside for now, but I know before long the snow will find me. I dread that.

Sorry I haven't been about as I normally am, just lots of things on my plate at the moment.

Keep posting, let me know how you are doing, please.

Take care of yourself and Fran, all the best of wishes to both of you.

Warmie

[xken728]

Hi Warmie ,your not well ,so dont worry about not being around so much ,sorry to hear your having more problems
we must look after ourselves first ,and hopefully get well ,or at least feel a little better ,As for me and Fran ,we were born for each other and will be in love for all our lives and beyond thats for sure .
And yes i,ll always let you know how were doing ,You know i love this weather i find comfort in the dark nights .It has been really grey and wet here ,not cold but that will soon change and winter will have arrived ,
Best wishes Warmie and hoping you feel better soon ,Ken and Fran ...Goodnight

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((( Ken and Fran )))))))))))))

Just sending hugs your way and hoping for a brighter day for both of you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Warmie

[xken728]

Thanks Warmie hope your feeling better ,
weather has been mixed here mainly grey ,Fan has a chest infection just now ,but she,s in good hands and she has got some atibiotics .hers legs have been painful (ms) and it painful for her to walk to far ,but were both happy and have been going shopping and stuff ,were looking forward to xmas and have been buying pressies for the girls ,
Im going to finish work at xmas its to much for me and all the heavy lifting is making me ill ....
Best wishes everyone Goodnight Ken and Fran

[Obayan]

Big huge hugs to ken and fran and btw.... HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((( Ken and Fran ))))))))))))))))

All is better here. Whatever I had, I finally got a handle on it. Antibiotics for a month. But I never give up. Health is so-so, not complaining.

I hope Fran gets to feeling better. With you about, I know she will.

Weather isn't to terribly bad, yet. Actually a nice day and it is our holiday of Thanksgiving. Family will be here soon, that makes me happy. Around 25 all together so lots of foods are prepared.

Take care of yourself, please. After Christmas are you retiring? Wasn't sure how you meant that.

We will chat again.

Warmie

[xken728]

Hello Warmie ,glad to hear your feeling better ,and thanks for your kind comments ,
Fran is doing good ,shes got rid of the bad chest and were both looking forward to christmas very much ,she told me the other day she could,nt be happier .That makes me feel so good ,
Im not old enough to retire yet ,but the job is to hard for me ,things will be tight but we,ll get by we always do ,enjoy your xmas i suspect you,ll have lots of family coming by !!! ok bye for now .
Best wishes Ken and Fran ,,,,