How Am I Supposed to Feel?

[Destination]

Lately I have begun feeling as if I am being left behind in favor of other "more important" things. I get talked down to which doesn't make me feel so good. When I show any sort of affection, such as a hug or a gentle touch, it goes unacknowledged and unreturned. I feel that I am not really needed, desired or important.

I am aware the world doesn't revolve around me alone, but this does not change how I feel. I feel more alone than ever with nobody to lean on when I am down. I feel small and unimportant. I feel hurt and angry and useless. I feel like I can't do anything right, who knows, maybe I can't. Then the feelings all seem to meld together to create a sense of hopelessness.

Am I doomed to remain standing outside looking in? I can see myself standing there, cold and alone, watching as the people inside enjoy the warmth and light. I watch as they interact and laugh. I watch as they dance and let themselves go. It seems to me that they are the ones that are free and it fills me with anger, then despair. I want to feel that I make a difference in someone's life. I want to be listened to instead of listening to a monologue. I want to feel needed, desired and important. I sometimes wonder if that is wrong, to feel that way. But how am I supposed to feel? How can I feel any other way?

[St8arrow]

Lately I have begun feeling as if I am being left behind in favor of other "more important" things. I get talked down to which doesn't make me feel so good. When I show any sort of affection, such as a hug or a gentle touch, it goes unacknowledged and unreturned. I feel that I am not really needed, desired or important.

From St8arrow

I won't suggest that you do a lot of positive thinking about yourself because you are not in the mood to think that way. I'm not sure what else to say except the truth. I think that you are a very intelligent young lady. I can't remember if you have told us how old you are but since I am 74, I am sure that calling you a young lady is appropriate for me.

From Destination

I am aware the world doesn't revolve around me alone, but this does not change how I feel. I feel more alone than ever with nobody to lean on when I am down. I feel small and unimportant. I feel hurt and angry and useless. I feel like I can't do anything right, who knows, maybe I can't. Then the feelings all seem to meld together to create a sense of hopelessness.

From St8arrow

Well it certainly isn't positive thinking so let's call it a negative attitude on your part. I am sure you think that such an attitude is valid in reference to what is happening in your life but let me assure you that if you act happy, eventually you will become happy.

I have found this to be true in my own life. If I am down and depressed, very few people talk to me. If I am outgoing and cheerful they respond to me on a much better level. Before you did it, I can't remember the last time someone accused me of being charming. I am going to look up an article by Charles Swindoll and paste it into this site in the near future. Like within the next few minutes.

From Destination:

Am I doomed to remain standing outside looking in? I can see myself standing there, cold and alone, watching as the people inside enjoy the warmth and light. I watch as they interact and laugh. I watch as they dance and let themselves go. It seems to me that they are the ones that are free and it fills me with anger, then despair. I want to feel that I make a difference in someone's life. I want to be listened to instead of listening to a monologue. I want to feel needed, desired and important. I sometimes wonder if that is wrong, to feel that way. But how am I supposed to feel? How can I feel any other way?

That is a great way to express how you are feeling. I repeat some ideas so often I don't know if you have read these following words from me before, but here goes anyway: --- A problem that is well stated is half solved. If that is true and I sincerely believe that it is, then your problems are already half solved. Watch for Charles Swindoll's words about attitude coming very soon.

[St8arrow]

(The following words are a paraphrased quote from Charles Swindoll.)

"The longer I live, the more that I realize the incredible impact of attitude on life. It is more important than education, money, circumstances, failure, success or what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home."

"We cannot change the past or the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. But we do have a choice regarding the type of attitude with which we choose to embrace each and every day of our lives with."

"I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. You are in charge of your attitude. If you choose an attitude which reflects happiness and quiet confidence about yourself to those that you come into contact with, and if you constantly try to increase your knowledge, no matter what life’s uncertainties bring, you will live successfully."

________________________________

From Myself

Many of the quotes, sayings and the above message about Attitude appear in a 148 page book that I have self-published. The last thing I want to do is break the rules on this website. I love the human race and I want to see the suffering be reduced as much as possible. If you want to send a Private Message to me, I will give you the website in google that the above mentioned book is on. Yours in the hope that I have not broken any rules in this site, --- St8arrow.

Ps.

Straight Arrow, and my name have the same initials. By mistake, I left the darn or damm "r" out and so my nickname is State Arrow. What a weirdo.

[Destination]

Thank you for the words of encouragement St8arrow. Usually I do have a positive attitude. I have only started feeling this way over the past few months. I try my best to fight it off, but it sometimes gets the better of me.

While I am aware that I don't have the best attitude all the time, I also know that the way I am getting treated is a reality and not just my perception of it. It makes me angry which is really just a shield against all the other things I feel which I wrote in the above post.

I don't treat the people I love with such disregard, and I feel that it isn't fair that I should be treated like a waif sitting by the wayside. And yes, I know life isn't fair

I'm 40 years old and I have spent most of my life being treated with disrespect and loving those who apparently don't deserve my love. And frankly my dear, I'm tired of it.

What upsets me most is that eventually I will get angry enough to say something and that will be the end of things with some people. But I can't sustain love in a relationship that is without affection. Especially when it is supposed to have some affection in it.

[St8arrow]

Thank you for the words of encouragement St8arrow. Usually I do have a positive attitude. I have only started feeling this way over the past few months. I try my best to fight it off, but it sometimes gets the better of me.

While I am aware that I don't have the best attitude all the time, I also know that the way I am getting treated is a reality and not just my perception of it. It makes me angry which is really just a shield against all the other things I feel which I wrote in the above post.

I don't treat the people I love with such disregard, and I feel that it isn't fair that I should be treated like a waif sitting by the wayside. And yes, I know life isn't fair

From St8arrow:

Well young lady I think your fear of not having anyone in your life is so great that you allow people who don't belong in your life to linger around until you finally blow up and tell them to get lost. Then you start blaming yourself for losing a friend or lover. This attitude on your part has to stop. You are much better than you are giving yourself credit for.

You deserve someone who cares for you and wants to share their love with you. You have to develop the courage to say goodbye to those who are treating you badly and look for those who are as good as you are at being empathic. No!!! I did not say --- PATHETIC.

From Destination"

I'm 40 years old and I have spent most of my life being treated with disrespect and loving those who apparently don't deserve my love. And frankly my dear, I'm tired of it.

What upsets me most is that eventually I will get angry enough to say something and that will be the end of things with some people. But I can't sustain love in a relationship that is without affection. Especially when it is supposed to have some affection in it.

I agree completely with your above words. Get out there and find the right person to spend your life with. As I said to someone in a PM, my wife and I met at a library. Although, just to be silly, I like to tell people that I was just trying to leave a bar when I tripped over my future wife. She counters with this fib about us:

I met my husband at a travel agency. I was looking for a holiday and he was the last resort.

Ps.

Use some humor, it is a great way to break the ice.

[St8arrow]

Hello Destination:

I am at a local library. We don't have a computer at home. I have to pick up my 48 year old daughter at the Go Train station nearby. I won't be back on this website for about 20 hours or so. Here is a dumb story that my daughter thinks is funny.

What does a full bottle of beer and a man have in common?

They're both empty from the neck up.

Ps.

Get a book at the library about humor. That is where I get many of these silly jokes from.

[Destination]

Thank you St8arrow, I know I keep hanging on to people that are not good for my self esteem and yet I keep doing it. I guess I'll have to keep trying tsk!

thanks for the joke lol you're funny!

[St8arrow]

Hello Destination:

My daughter Cindy says I should have an on and off button that she could push to keep me quiet sometimes. So all I will say in this submission is pay attention to the wonderful quote that you have at the bottom of your submissions.

“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”
― George Bernard Shaw

[Destination]

Yes, I know, sometimes it is easier to just let things be. I suppose that is what makes it so difficult for me. If it happened every day maybe I'd be able to stand up for myself more. Instead it happens maybe once a week or so and then I think "maybe its just me being oversensitive".

I want to try to discuss the problem rationally with the other person first before I start with the yelling or before I explode. Maybe if I can talk calmly to them they will realize what they are doing and knock it off.

I plan to write down what I want to say so that I can read it when I am talking to them. That way I won't lose track of what I am trying to say.

Thanks again St8arrow for the great advice

[St8arrow]

Thank you Destination for reacting so positively to the suggestions that I offered. I think your plans are excellent.