I wish my body was detachable. It would make life so much easier to deal with…
If this was humanly possible, I think I would first start off with my head. Perhaps with a click of a button, I could be scientifically engineered to have the top of my skull snap off, resulting to an easy access of the brain. Pulling it out slowly while disconnecting the cables and cords, I’d take it into my hands while diagnosing the damage bestowed. The verdict would be worse than I had imagined, being one big cluster f*** of confusion, frustration, and quite simply negative energy. Placing it gently on a plate while wiping the slime off of my fingers, I’d take a deep breath before preforming some black market, back door psychological surgery.
Turning it upside down, I’d start to shake it frantically with no hesitation, trying to unleash some of the debris that’s stuck to the surface alone: grief, rejection, anxiety, and emptiness. Once the majority was off and onto the floor, the time would come for the more detailed, painful work. Setting it back down on the plate, I would pull out the tweezers for the engagement. Wincing and shuddering, prying and pulling the deep shards swallowed by my mind, I’d gag at waste being brought up that was buried deep inside of my psyche. After all foreign obstructers were discharged and set out for destroy, I’d grab the bottle of alcohol and rinse off the remaining infections. And maybe then, once my head was clean and pure, I wouldn’t be boggled down with such worry, devastation, or anguish. But until that day comes, my only option is to keep my head above this dark water surrounding me, waiting for the day to finally reach the shore…
Sigh... -.- Oh how I wish...
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Ahorse
Hi there,
Very dramatic and colourful vision but perhaps normal treatment may be the better option?
Have you had such, and if so how much success? Clearly not too much but how much valid treatment have you had please?
I too have wished for buttons to push but they would be final buttons only. Thankfully we don't have them as I would have not made it to puberty.
Very dramatic and colourful vision but perhaps normal treatment may be the better option?
Have you had such, and if so how much success? Clearly not too much but how much valid treatment have you had please?
I too have wished for buttons to push but they would be final buttons only. Thankfully we don't have them as I would have not made it to puberty.
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Ahorse
Ah yes,
I think you're right. You were moving in 2 weeks or so.
Sorry to be repetetive, your post was so descriptive and clourful I had to respond.
Every bit of luck with the new location. Doesn't O'Bama care cover your costs at all? I'm in Australia you see and we all have coverage regardless. A universal health system that we've had for decades and allows the poor to get medical attention as needed rather than like the US where only the rich got that attention.
I don't know enough about the US system now buyt thought it was supposed to have changed.
I think you're right. You were moving in 2 weeks or so.
Sorry to be repetetive, your post was so descriptive and clourful I had to respond.
Every bit of luck with the new location. Doesn't O'Bama care cover your costs at all? I'm in Australia you see and we all have coverage regardless. A universal health system that we've had for decades and allows the poor to get medical attention as needed rather than like the US where only the rich got that attention.
I don't know enough about the US system now buyt thought it was supposed to have changed.
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Ahorse
Hi again,
Mainly juust to wish you the very best luck with both the move and the new life you will have.
Wanted also to pass on a tip I was given my a lady , in her 60's, who had so many mental illnsses I could never keep track. She took meds I've never heard of yet, mainly psychotics so I'm not familiar with them.
She was often on the verge but somehow she'd hung on to her 60's. She was a nurse and still working as much as she could.
Anyways I wrote on a forum where she wrote and I asked for help as I could feel IT coming. You know that feeling that the bad is on it's way and will inevitably open the cracks in the ground so you fall in. The pending dom you feel is unavoidable and makes you want to run?
Well this lady, who answered every post on the forum any time she posted even if it was just a "hang in there" thing, told me to "get tactile".
She explained. Rub my hands up and down my legts, over each other, through my hair, on the chair I sit on. Feel things with your hands. Go outside, pick a leaf and crush it, smell it. Feel the tree. Just touch as much as you feel up to and focus on the feeling of that thing or those things.
The idea is to try and ground yourself in reality. Bring your mind back to real things, if briefly. Well, for me, it worked and have used it so often since.
That lady stopped posting so I suspect something final came about. She was so tortured but still able to contribute. We emailed for a while too.
My shrink also explained that doing that sort of thing adds feelings which convert into thoughts, travel up the spinal cord and join all the other thoughts so essentially it dilutes the other negative thoughts I had let dominate. You follow? It is a distraction, but you can do it anywhere, anytime.
Just a thought for when you really need it.
Mainly juust to wish you the very best luck with both the move and the new life you will have.
Wanted also to pass on a tip I was given my a lady , in her 60's, who had so many mental illnsses I could never keep track. She took meds I've never heard of yet, mainly psychotics so I'm not familiar with them.
She was often on the verge but somehow she'd hung on to her 60's. She was a nurse and still working as much as she could.
Anyways I wrote on a forum where she wrote and I asked for help as I could feel IT coming. You know that feeling that the bad is on it's way and will inevitably open the cracks in the ground so you fall in. The pending dom you feel is unavoidable and makes you want to run?
Well this lady, who answered every post on the forum any time she posted even if it was just a "hang in there" thing, told me to "get tactile".
She explained. Rub my hands up and down my legts, over each other, through my hair, on the chair I sit on. Feel things with your hands. Go outside, pick a leaf and crush it, smell it. Feel the tree. Just touch as much as you feel up to and focus on the feeling of that thing or those things.
The idea is to try and ground yourself in reality. Bring your mind back to real things, if briefly. Well, for me, it worked and have used it so often since.
That lady stopped posting so I suspect something final came about. She was so tortured but still able to contribute. We emailed for a while too.
My shrink also explained that doing that sort of thing adds feelings which convert into thoughts, travel up the spinal cord and join all the other thoughts so essentially it dilutes the other negative thoughts I had let dominate. You follow? It is a distraction, but you can do it anywhere, anytime.
Just a thought for when you really need it.
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