What am i so upset about?

[me123]

Five years ago my fiance lost his battle to cancer. It was a short fight and he didnt last more that 5 months with it. I fell apart after that happened. Fell deep into depression. Didnt eat, sleep, go out, smile...nothing. With the help of the loving people around me i picked myself up, but i think i did it the wrong way. I just tried to forget about it. I never really let out my feelings to a great extent other than crying. At the time i felt the best way to get over it would be to just pretend it never happened. Now 5 years later I have a great family, great friends, and a man i know i will spend the rest of my life with. I feel i should have no reason to ever be upset because ive come so far...but the littlest things will trigger a bad thought and change my mood drastically. The things that make me upset are so stupid i wonder why they do. I am starting to think it is because of the way i dealt with my life changing experience. Lately i am so scared and worried something will happen to the people i love and think about it to the point of getting anxiety over it. I am afraid i will once again lose the love of my life. I am scared something will happen to my family. I am scared that i will lose all the things ive worked so hard to get. Anyway if anyone has really read this to the end i just have one question...if i have everything i want in life....why do i feel like i do?

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((( me123 ))))))))))))))

I read it all and my heart goes out to you.

Have been through losing some, very close, loved and dear to me. My thoughts were like that. We are or were afraid to love again. To give that special part of you to another is something you just don't do everyday. Then life throws a curve in and gets you confused, afraid and unsure.

All the 'what ifs' start coming. You try to release that horrible hurt, tears, thoughts. Your past, doesn't go away because you had to give up someone you loved so dearly. You will always love that person in a very special way. You can't replace him in your heart and memories, don't believe you would want to and you will never forget him for he is and was a special warm part of your life. You have wonderful memories, draw on those instead of the end.

When someone that special is taken from you so quickly you begin to doubt just about everything. That is normal, it really is. It is the fear that you will have to sacrifice again, no matter people you love or person items, the fear is there.

Ask yourself, what would he want you to do? Would he want you to remain in that lost world or get on with your life? Would he want you to be happy?

Don't know if this helps or not, just sharing my thoughts. I do hope you see it is all right to love again, to be happy, to live. I wish you only the best and my prayers are with you.

Warmie

[Wonder]

Hi me123,

I can understand your feeling terrible even if you have everything. I have alot too and yet I still have pain. I don't know if you've tried counseling, but it sure can help you deal with troubles from the past that you haven't been able to work through so that you can be comfortable with what you have in the present. There is hope and help is there if you can reach out for it . . . ((((((((me123))))))))

Take care,
Wonder

[Obayan]

No matter how insignificant we may view something, no matter how little we see it as being, if it causes us pain, it's huge. There are so many emotions inside that sometimes we get overloaded. We seems like we have it all, but we dont because we don't allow ourselves the one thing needed most.... release. So it builds. And builds. One thing gets piled on top of another until something small comes along and we lose it all to that one tiny little thing. Emotions are like energy. They need to be expended. Try going for a walk and on your walk, stop in the park and look around you. Take in all the good things you see living and growing and playing. Then nock the leaves off a tree. Then enjoy the walk back home again knowing you did what you needed to in order to be ok again.

Fear of losing your current family is logical seeing how you lost your last dream of a family. You never dealt with it, you just pushed it down. When we push things down like that they have a tendency to pop back up again. You had a horrible loss and that loss needs to be grieved. Whether 1 day or 1 year later, it needs to be felt and dealt with. But as bad as losing your fiance was, there were many good things between you that you can hold onto to get you thru this. And many good people here that will help you.

I wish you the best.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((( me123 ))))))))))))))

Listen to these people, they are on the right track.

((((((((((( Wonder and Obayan ))))))))))))))

Warmie

[pablos]

(((((((((((((( me123 ))))))))))))))

I lost my Dad just a couple of months ago. 13 months prior I lost my Mom. I still grieve the lost. Its a process and its different for everyone. Its one day at a time. I try to remember the happy moments and times. Still it is not easy. Their deaths have brought up fears and uncertainty. Talking about it with others who will listen and coming here to Depression Understood have been good choices for me.
Keep coming back.

(((Warm Hugs)))
pablos

[Obayan]

((( pablos )))

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((( pablos )))))))))))

Glad you are here! Have lost my parents as well, do understand.

Warmie