JUST ALONE ME THE VISITOR ,AND MY MIND

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Strange today fran has gone out for a few hours ,,and im alone in the house ,i thought i would feel ok ,,a little space on my own ,,but the things im thinking are just so out of character,,,,instead of finding something to do ,,i just thought of if i punched out now it would all be over ,,no one would find me till it was to late ,,,the sun shines again but i feel no warmth ,im a stranger on the forum ,,a visitor in my own home ,,slowly being earased without me noticing ,,,but i have now ,,is it to late ,,i felt great yesterday ,,,but i dont feel really down now ,,just alone i miss my freinds, mich is here ,,crystal on and off , dande busy ,,,,lisa is abcent but i feel she will be safe and return ,,monty ,,misty pop in now and then ,,,aim also ,,,,crybaby is happy im sure shatteredhopes is posting ,,,deepeyes is quiet and blueisgreen and a5 were are you my freind ,,, to many to name i feel like its changed and i dont know it anymore ,,warmie girl is around ,,always around warmie good girl ,,,,with your corner ,,maybe its the meds making me feel like this ,,dont know but i dont like it ,,the constant changes in mental state are enough to make me any one hit the eject button ,,,i know there would be nothing for me in death ,,just more torture ,my hands shake like crazy now ,,my sight is shot ,,i hope it all wears off soon ,,dont worry about me talking of death ,just letting it out of my brain ,,thats all i hope we all talk again soon ,,its ok for those of you are absent ,i know what its like to feel like being quiet ,,i feel down that low sometimes that i just can find the right words to say ,,,it will return to you soon my freinds ,,take care for now ,,i think im gonna have a couple off diazapam and have a little lay down ,,i dont have to feel quilty now no one will know ,,i must shut these dark feelings out before they get out of control,,,,lots of love ,,hugs ken xxxxx

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aahh well ive tryed to sleep ,,buts its 11,30 in the morning i just cant ,,the tablets have made me feel dopey now ,,bloody hell what am i doing to myself ,,,i had such a good day yesterday ,,,you know i wish we were all in the same time zone ,,i feel like two charging trains we only pass for a breif period ,,and in passing we shout our messages to each other and then we are passed faded into the night for such another long day ,,sorry im just so alone ,,i dont know what to do ,,can concentrate ,,or find the will ,,oh well i let you go ,,,fran will be home at 2pm ,,ill be ok till then im gonna lie on the small settee in the kitchen here ,,ill put the radio on that will talk to me and i may not feel so lonely ,,,take care all ''hugs((((((EVERYBODY))))))),,,LOVE KEN ,,,xxxxx

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((( Ken )))))))))))))))

Never alone, you have us!

Warmie

[Mich]

I know what you mean about being in different time zones and passing in the night.....I wish I was reading your stuff closer to when you actually posted it so that I can respond sooner. I hope that Fran is home now and you are feeling some comfort from her and the radio. I have my music playing; trying to settle my mind and block out the demon thoughts that I have.

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hey (((((warmie girl )))))((((((mich)))))))),,thanks for your messages they do make me feel a little warmer ,,i know i do have you and all my freinds ,,but i think you both know what i mean by feeling alone ,,(i know you do ),,even surrounded by loved ones ,,this darkness we exist in takes us away sometimes no matter who we have round us ,,and today i feel a terrible loss ,,and hopelesness ,,,such a good day yesterday as well ,,as they say here in england 1 step forward and then 2 back ,,,ok ,,warmie thankyou ,i know your always here ,,good to know ,,and mich in so much pain ,i wish we could help you more ,,you to must remember your not alone do your best to eat try to beat this thing mich altough i do understand ,, ,,both of you take very good care ,,,and i will pray for better days for us all,,,,stay safe ,,,hugs (((((warmie girl )))))),,(((((mich)))))),,,,,
lots of love ken xxxx