Sadness consumed my soul

[SoulSearcher]

I have finally come to accept the fact that I will never be truly happy in life. The sadness has become a part of me and apart of my DNA. There may be times that I feel "happy" but those are fake, they are just distractions from the sadness and I always end up remembering the sadness and feeling numb. I will not end my life but I will always continue to try and find distractions from my inner pain, for that is the only way to deal with this.

I do not think that I have depression, because I believe that I have sadness embedded into my soul, it is a part of me, not a mental illness.

[TurtleRock]

Hello,

In an earlier post you mentioned you might try talking to a school counselor, Have you had any luck in that area ? Speaking for myself I did find once I could get over the horrendous shame I felt having to admit the thoughts in my head to someone it can be cathartic and if its someone with professional & brain to go with it, It could help lift some of the burden off your shoulders.

Depression is almost cancerous sometimes in the way it spreads until you may feel like that all you are is sadness. It taints your memories and clouds your sigh till its all you can see whether your looking forward or back. It lies though, Even though I often can't recall feeling happy at any point in my life sometimes part of brain has learned to recognize its my perception & not reality.

All that being said your up against a great deal of adversity which would weigh heavy one any one, Fortunately you don't have to face it alone these forums are not a substitute for professional help but they can be what helps get you through the day when you just need someone to listen who has some understanding.

Were all rooting for you!

[satisfy]

I hope by now you see psychiatrist and take medication. That's the best way to beat depression and sadness. I have been depressed for over 40 years, finally they diagnose me with Bipolar Disorder and Schizoaffective Disorder. I have been changing hundred of medications to fight with depression, and I still depress. I have been seeing psychiatrist every 3 months to monitor my illness. So, I feel for your sadness and loneliness, because that how i feel too, every day.

[Glad2bme]

Good for you that you fight the good fight by still doing positive things even if it still feels less than what "real happiness" might feel like.

You are tougher than most and are developing some good coping methods.

However, for myself I realized certain medications literally caused what had been like a gray film to be removed from my eyes. Same bus route, same type of weather, but the trees greener, the sky bluer and the sun brighter.

Medication simply gives me the choice to put the brakes on depressive thoughts instead of letting them drive my bus off the cliff with me in it.

[Aliraza142]

Just want to spead some smiles and happiness around.....
Want to let everyone on this formus know I care and I am listening and ready to listen!!

Also want you all to know that I want to spead some smiles and hugs around for you all.

Yes I'm in a good and happy mood again! Woo!!

Smiles everyone Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

(((Big big group hugs)))

[CrazyKiss]

I feel the same way two. I dont think i will ever be happy in myself and i know everyone has securties but its still thinking that everyone around u is happy and ur not. Its really hard to try and think postive and thats something i cant do.

Im here if u wanna talk

[millenialeeyore]

Your post describes almost perfectly how I feel and judging by these replies how many others feel as well. I hope you can find comfort in knowing that you are not alone with these feelings.

[CrazyKiss]

Even if you felt like you wanted to and your life or not you should still not consider the fact of doing that. Its true what people say about leaving your loved ones behind if you did with you no longer being there but as you said this wont happen.

You may not truely be happy with urself which is fair enough because not everyone is 100% happy with themselves but I know its more then that. You have to remember that your not the only one.

You just have to make the most of your life no matter what. You have your friends and family who can support you but you do wanna support urself aswell. I know in the future you will be in a better place then you once was.

Dont think you have to fake anything. Not being fake at all and your staying true to urself so your not. Keep being the person you are and you know how you are anyway. I do think that you never be fake with your family or friends. They will accept yourself. Dont need to worry.

Do the things you like if thats listening to music, watching films, socialising with friends and family, keeping active etc. Want to do things you enjoy as you want to. This will make help you feel a little bit better.

There is always someone you can talk to remember. Keep up the good work and keep reaching out on here x