I am angry, sad, confused, and vulnerable

[lifeanimated]

Hello Everyone,

I hope I am posting in the right area - I assume this is just to express your feelings.

I am angry, angry that I was cheated on, that I was disrespected, and hurt. I am more angry that she could have talked to me before going this far.

I am sad, because my life is in shambles, like domino's each facet of my life has dropped under the weight of another, and I fear those facets of life will crush under the weight of the depression.

I am confused, because so many people feel I should leave my wife, but the love I feel for her is so strong, I would rather die than walk away from her, she is everything to me, everything I've ever wanted, needed.

I am vulnerable right now because I have nowhere to turn, nobody that I can talk to (that doesn't cost $190/hr).

My wife only wants to be away from me, she continues to deny her actions (although in her own text message, she said "I don't want him to know I'm having an affair")

I went through an episode where I was harming myself to change the focus of pain.. I couldn't stop, until I was brought to the hospital.

I know I am far from the saddest case out there, but my whole life is gone from under my feet.. I even get panic attacks daily, for no reason at all, I could be thinking of an elephant trying to walk on a giant treadmill, and I freak out, and have to leave to let my emotions out.

I have no idea where to go from here.

[hollyann]

Hi lifeanimated,

You posted in the right area, dont worry.

It's natural to feel the way you are doing after being cheated on and I'm so sorry that has happened to you.

Everyone is not in our shoes. Yes most people would say leave her, and you deserve better. But thats easier said then done when your heart is thinking the best. But she needs respect you, and you need to be able to trust her. Have you thought about trying couples counseling? Is she willing to try?

I applaud you wanting to make your marriage work. Many people wouldn't. Unfortunately it takes two people to make a marriage work, and both parties have to work on it. Its obvious you are willing to do that, hopefully you can talk to her about it, and see that she is willing too.

You did agood thing by turning here, and we don't compare problems, so you came to the right place. We each have our own making and breaking points and personal experiences that get us there. You're problems are just as important as someone else's and you deserve to get help as much as someone else. Don't give up.

hollyann