relapsed again

[loip]

Things where going so well, medication was working a treat, councelling and the therapy was doing good things, i had 4 weeks off work to get me back in a good mental state. Then i started work again this week and instead of taking the advice to stagger my hours at the start so as not to cause me problems, i wanted to get right back in to the swing of things. This was a really big mistake as i soon found out, it all started so well, monday went well and i really enjoyed the shift, then tuesday it started to get really bad with me started to feel the background stress of the job starting to get to me, all the techniques i had been taught only worked for a few minutes at best, but is still managed to get through the shift. On wednesday it got to the point where i was near having another breakdown, i didnt want to inform people as i knew the news would spread and people would start worrying again, but in the end i just had to tell my supervisor and i told him i had to go home. he was very simpathetic and i finally agreed that i had to reduce my hours and slowly build the hours back up again, this made me even more depressed, knowing i had failed yet again to get myself together. i tried to work thursday and could only manage 4 hours and finally on friday i was phoned by work who said i shouldnt go to work on friday and i will be working reduced hours on my own choice from next week and i have had an interview with the occupational health visitor at work on monday to go through my problems, this again i see as a failing on my part and i have arranged to see my doctor on tuesday to review my medication needs and this week its affects have been reduced it seems, very annoying as the previous two weeks where just so good mentally. to see it all fall apart yet again is depressing, but i know things will improve and this is the first time i have relapsed and suicidal thoughts have been my main thoughts, so i take some positives from it. just thought i would post this as im hoping it will give me peace of mind

[Obayan]

You didn't fail. You are still learning what your boundaries are. And this was only a setback. Nothing more. Not a failure. Just a setback. Now you know what your limits are, you can restart and have a better chance at success.

[loip]

thanks for the reply, im just very frustrated about the set backs i have had, i know things will improve, but the time its taking to get back to normal is frustrating

[Obayan]

I wish there was a miracle cure quick fix that I could put into words and share with you. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. It took time for you to reach this place in your life that you are at right now. It will take time to come back from there too.

There are many tools out there at our disposal. Therapy, meds, exercise, proper diet, plenty of sleep, etc.... Have you checked into what's available in your area?

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((( loip )))))))))))))

Yes it can be very frustrating, one thing I have learned, small steps, small head ways will get me back to that point, then I try to go a little further.

In my thoughts

Warmie