Some of you may know me from some of the posts I've made.
And it seems lately that suicide is becoming a very attractive option these days. Some of you may recall how I had made posts about how I want to be a writer and have no other useful skills. Believe me I've been in college long enough to know that. Ten years of trying nearly all fields and then finding the only one that you're even somewhat good at is one that people don't need or want.
It's especially true given how "Twilight" by Stephanie Meyer is a constant reminder to me that I probably won't be published. I've been at that for about ten years now and haven't even managed to get a short story published. It really is aggravating and depressing how I cannot be published no matter how hard I try. And given how I'll be graduating college with a major in something useless that pretty much makes for a bleak future.
It may be delusional thinking but I'm not contemplating suicide out of my depression but rather logic that things are, in all probability, not going to get any better. So it's probably best to cut my losses short rather than drag things on.
Especially since I have people in my own life who seem to agree with that. I had a brother, one night during Christmas, who was talking to me about my situation, twenty-eight-years-old still living at home with my mother, never had a job, still in college and graduating in a meaningless area. My brother said to my face, You may as well kill yourself."
Even more-so when i discussed this situation to a girl I know she asked the same question to me, "Why don't you kill yourself?"
Probably the one thing that holds me back is the fact that I'm too much of a coward to go through with it.
Getting worse
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Getting worse
Last edited by BrokenPen on Sun Jun 13, 2010 7:32 pm, edited 2 times in total.
How about if you don't aim so high, I mean being a published author earning enough to make a living from doesn't happen to that many people. How about if you just look at getting a fairly simple/easy job- with no take home work, and write because you enjoy it, and just keep reading things, and writing things and sending them off. This takes any pressure off you getting published because you will have another job and then can just write for pleasure.
And most of all don't give up! J.K.Rowling's Harry Potter got turned down by hundreds of publishers before eventually getting published.
The people who have said 'why don't you kill yourself' to you are insensitive and nasty. There are plenty of options to you, could you see a careers advisor at your uni? To see what kind of jobs your degree can go towards? (apart from writing)- maybe ones that just incorporate them.
Have you also considered different styles? LIke trying writing radio scripts- I know in uk radio scripts are in shortage so it is a good way to get your name out.
In short- I definitely do not think you should 'cut your losses', there are so many opportunities out there, just don't give up hope.
You say you are not contemplating suicide out of your depression but out of logic, but depression is what leads your logic to that conclusion. I really hope things improve for you. There are options out there.
And most of all don't give up! J.K.Rowling's Harry Potter got turned down by hundreds of publishers before eventually getting published.
The people who have said 'why don't you kill yourself' to you are insensitive and nasty. There are plenty of options to you, could you see a careers advisor at your uni? To see what kind of jobs your degree can go towards? (apart from writing)- maybe ones that just incorporate them.
Have you also considered different styles? LIke trying writing radio scripts- I know in uk radio scripts are in shortage so it is a good way to get your name out.
In short- I definitely do not think you should 'cut your losses', there are so many opportunities out there, just don't give up hope.
You say you are not contemplating suicide out of your depression but out of logic, but depression is what leads your logic to that conclusion. I really hope things improve for you. There are options out there.
Atrophy wrote:How about if you don't aim so high, I mean being a published author earning enough to make a living from doesn't happen to that many people. There are options out there.
I really do have my doubts about that. I've been trying to tell myself that all through college that there are options but it keeps growing shorter every day. And besides the idea that I can't make a living off of what I like to do certainly does give me another reason to give up since I cannot really do anything else.
All I am saying is that just get any job- then it enables you to write, without the pressure of having to get enough money to live on from it. Hopefully then your writing will get published, and it then could earn you enough- but I just don't think it should be your immediate aim because that is a lot of pressure. Just get a no brainer job for a while- not because you like it necessarily but because it will allow you to be more self sufficient and be able to write. Even if it's just like 3 days a week, leaving you time to write. Do not think of it as permanent but as a stepping stone to where you want to be.
The idea of a flexable job schedule is a good one. So you can support yourself and manage to write. I dont think you are setting goals to high but I do know that most authors if you ask them it wasn't an overnight sucess for them and they stayed with it until they found the one publisher willing to take that chance. It takes more courage to live and keep trying than anything.
Take a note from Steven King...... He got so many rejection letters he began wallpapering his study with them. And they still hang there today to remind him of hard he worked to get where he is. But he did sustain himself writing by writing a ton of articles for local newspapers, magazines, even neighborhood posters. He wrote 50 so 5 would sell. Then he wrote 100 so 10 would sell. Until finally, he got a job not as a freelance, but as a writer. And wrote his books in his spare time. The backman books. It's a numbers game until you get noticed. So work those numbers.
Obayan wrote:Take a note from Steven King...... He got so many rejection letters he began wallpapering his study with them. And they still hang there today to remind him of hard he worked to get where he is. But he did sustain himself writing by writing a ton of articles for local newspapers, magazines, even neighborhood posters. He wrote 50 so 5 would sell. Then he wrote 100 so 10 would sell. Until finally, he got a job not as a freelance, but as a writer. And wrote his books in his spare time. The backman books. It's a numbers game until you get noticed. So work those numbers.
But I would say to that what all my teachers say to me when I bring Stephen King up (a man that I admire quite a lot) they always tell me.
"Apples and oranges. You are not Stephen King."
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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(((((((((((( BrokenPen ))))))))))))))))
True you aren't, and those teachers aren't the president of the United States, a great authors, singers, or comedians. (Sounds like they may be close to the comedian stage.)
You are who you are, you strive to be the best and you should never give up! THAT'S what teachers are to show you, how good you are at all you try.
(Off of soap box now)
Warmie
True you aren't, and those teachers aren't the president of the United States, a great authors, singers, or comedians. (Sounds like they may be close to the comedian stage.)
You are who you are, you strive to be the best and you should never give up! THAT'S what teachers are to show you, how good you are at all you try.
(Off of soap box now)
Warmie
Warmsoul/Jeanie13 wrote:(((((((((((( BrokenPen ))))))))))))))))
True you aren't, and those teachers aren't the president of the United States, a great authors, singers, or comedians. (Sounds like they may be close to the comedian stage.)
You are who you are, you strive to be the best and you should never give up! THAT'S what teachers are to show you, how good you are at all you try.
(Off of soap box now)
Warmie
Wish it were as easy as that. But my rejection letters, even though they try to remain neutral I can see them saying messages beneath it.
"Give up, loser."
"You're never going to be published."
"May as well end it, pal."
"Cut your losses short. Among other things."
do you realise just how many times those same things have been said some of the greatest artists out there today? True, you aren't Steven King. And true you may never reach that level of success. But it's also true that you will never find out if you don't pursue it. How many successfull people are out there and owe their success to the fact that they gave up?
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shatteredhopes
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I don't know you or your situation other than what I have read from you in a few posts. So I am going to tell you a little about myself and offer you a few suggestions. I mean no disrespect, I can't know your situation only hope that you can gain some insight from what I have to say.
I dreamed of being a writer. When I took creative writing in college, I was writing a lot so my skills were much more refined and practiced than they are now. I had a lot of ideas. But ultimately, my fiction writing was too abstract in a sense, consumed with ideas rather than substance and depth in my characters and stories. What I didn't realize then, I just hadn't had enough life experience in the ‘real world' outside of the university setting to gain the richness and breadth that the best fiction has. My writing in itself is at best average. But for a long while I made a living writing proposals to help nonprofits gain funds to ensure high school dropouts could get a GED and job training, to protect the environment, to finance shelter and a new start for disaster victims, and other such things...no I wasn't doing what I dreamed of doing...but I made a living in a way that helped make the world a better place, so I can take some pride in making a small difference.
Few people making a decent living from fiction writing. I will not be one of them. But if I finish the novel I started and still toy with in my head, it will be for me not for the money. I will have to do it for the love of the art, not for commercialism (which is often a recipe for sure failure).
Have you considered, first, when you finish your studies/degree, traveling around the world a bit to enrich your mind, experience, and writing? You might find entirely new subject matter that would open your mind and enable you to create something truly great.
Second, have you sought treatment for the depression? Depression can cripple everything, and make us sound whiny and melancholy to those who haven't experienced it. It narrows our viewpoint of the world. Working with a qualified therapist and possibly taking some mild medication may make a world of difference for you. Maybe your writing will likely improve as your mentality does.
Third, sometimes taking the focus of myself is helpful. Why not use the skills you have learned in your classes to teach a writing workshop for disadvantaged kids to help them express themselves? Offer to write a newsletter or press releases for a nonprofit cause you care about? Create a blog about a subject you care about in the world? Or do some other sort of volunteer work that utilizes your writing skills to help you practice at the same time as taking the focus of yourself and your pain. When I give, I get back far more than I offer.
I know what it is to have dreams die. You can still go on even if that happens, I know from experience. What I did was try to find new meaning in life. Even if its as simple as supporting and encouraging others in this forum, helping others and trying to make a small difference in the world is enough for me for now. I don't know how old you are, but I suspect you are far too young and in too much of a transitional phrase to presume you will never make it as a writer. It is not worth throwing your life away just because you can't have everything now and things look bleak today. In ten years, you may have much success and a totally different outlook. The others make a good point, you can get a job working for a small newspaper or something else to sustain you while you perfect your craft in your spare time. I also know it is difficult when you are highly intelligent as you appear to be, because you are able to argue with everyone and shoot down everything everyone suggests that goes contrary to what your depressed mind would have you believe. Listen to what the others have to say on this and your other threads. Consider the possibility we may be right. You show enormous skill in your writing just from your posts. Perhaps what you lack is perspective, that will come with time, experience, and seeking treatment to better manage your depression.
I am sorry those cruel, abusive people urged you to end it. That's just irresponsible. Don't listen to them. Don't read too much into rejection letters that are often boilerplate language lifted from one letter to the next by a publisher. You can always publish on the web to get wider feedback. Try, just try, to pay attention to what Obayan just said. Most success stories are littered with a history of people telling someone they can't they won't they never will.
If in your heart you really want to be a writer, you can and will be. Try to take criticisms to help you improve, not with an all or nothing mentality.
I dreamed of being a writer. When I took creative writing in college, I was writing a lot so my skills were much more refined and practiced than they are now. I had a lot of ideas. But ultimately, my fiction writing was too abstract in a sense, consumed with ideas rather than substance and depth in my characters and stories. What I didn't realize then, I just hadn't had enough life experience in the ‘real world' outside of the university setting to gain the richness and breadth that the best fiction has. My writing in itself is at best average. But for a long while I made a living writing proposals to help nonprofits gain funds to ensure high school dropouts could get a GED and job training, to protect the environment, to finance shelter and a new start for disaster victims, and other such things...no I wasn't doing what I dreamed of doing...but I made a living in a way that helped make the world a better place, so I can take some pride in making a small difference.
Few people making a decent living from fiction writing. I will not be one of them. But if I finish the novel I started and still toy with in my head, it will be for me not for the money. I will have to do it for the love of the art, not for commercialism (which is often a recipe for sure failure).
Have you considered, first, when you finish your studies/degree, traveling around the world a bit to enrich your mind, experience, and writing? You might find entirely new subject matter that would open your mind and enable you to create something truly great.
Second, have you sought treatment for the depression? Depression can cripple everything, and make us sound whiny and melancholy to those who haven't experienced it. It narrows our viewpoint of the world. Working with a qualified therapist and possibly taking some mild medication may make a world of difference for you. Maybe your writing will likely improve as your mentality does.
Third, sometimes taking the focus of myself is helpful. Why not use the skills you have learned in your classes to teach a writing workshop for disadvantaged kids to help them express themselves? Offer to write a newsletter or press releases for a nonprofit cause you care about? Create a blog about a subject you care about in the world? Or do some other sort of volunteer work that utilizes your writing skills to help you practice at the same time as taking the focus of yourself and your pain. When I give, I get back far more than I offer.
I know what it is to have dreams die. You can still go on even if that happens, I know from experience. What I did was try to find new meaning in life. Even if its as simple as supporting and encouraging others in this forum, helping others and trying to make a small difference in the world is enough for me for now. I don't know how old you are, but I suspect you are far too young and in too much of a transitional phrase to presume you will never make it as a writer. It is not worth throwing your life away just because you can't have everything now and things look bleak today. In ten years, you may have much success and a totally different outlook. The others make a good point, you can get a job working for a small newspaper or something else to sustain you while you perfect your craft in your spare time. I also know it is difficult when you are highly intelligent as you appear to be, because you are able to argue with everyone and shoot down everything everyone suggests that goes contrary to what your depressed mind would have you believe. Listen to what the others have to say on this and your other threads. Consider the possibility we may be right. You show enormous skill in your writing just from your posts. Perhaps what you lack is perspective, that will come with time, experience, and seeking treatment to better manage your depression.
I am sorry those cruel, abusive people urged you to end it. That's just irresponsible. Don't listen to them. Don't read too much into rejection letters that are often boilerplate language lifted from one letter to the next by a publisher. You can always publish on the web to get wider feedback. Try, just try, to pay attention to what Obayan just said. Most success stories are littered with a history of people telling someone they can't they won't they never will.
If in your heart you really want to be a writer, you can and will be. Try to take criticisms to help you improve, not with an all or nothing mentality.
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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- Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
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shatteredhopes wrote:Few people making a decent living from fiction writing. I will not be one of them. But if I finish the novel I started and still toy with in my head, it will be for me not for the money. I will have to do it for the love of the art, not for commercialism (which is often a recipe for sure failure).
Seems to really add to my case really.
But to answer your question I have sought help a few times from counselors and such. As well as medication (Cymbalta).
And really the sad fact is that no matter how much medication one takes or how much therapy one goes through it doesn't really change the reality of a situation. That much I'm pretty much certain of.
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