I feel a total failure, not sure if there is anymore I can do. I only trusted 1 person and that person has left now,
I have tried no matter what others think, I have tried all types of therapy and meds but nothing worked. The crisis team told me I dont want to get better. How dare they, getting better is what i want the most, I want to get back to normal life, I want to get to 'like' being with people, I want to enjoy getting out with the kids.
The last lot of therapy I did was art therapy. My biggest problem is I dont trust anyone, no matter how much I try I cant.
I havent been in touch with my CPN now for about 2/3 months and think there is nothing left for me,
What is next? Is there anything I can do for myself?
I feel so lost and fed up
When everything fails
Moderators: windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
- Posts: 29195
- Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
- Contact:
((((((((((((((( keluca ))))))))))))))))))
Sorry you are at the point you are. With depression I believe we all get there.
Only advice I know to give, is one day at a time. One hour at a time if needed. Makes me feel we are thrown into the middle of a battle with nothing to protect ourselves. Friends and sometimes even families don't understand. And how do we explain?
I find sharing here does help. You talk with people that live the same thoughts, feelings, disappointments as you do. It is a start, and some of the things others have written has made me realize it is something we didn't ask for, but we have to deal with.
Knowing there are others that truly do understand, that truly care helps so much.
Keep posting, you get great and much wanted support from others.
You are in my thoughts.
Warmie
Sorry you are at the point you are. With depression I believe we all get there.
Only advice I know to give, is one day at a time. One hour at a time if needed. Makes me feel we are thrown into the middle of a battle with nothing to protect ourselves. Friends and sometimes even families don't understand. And how do we explain?
I find sharing here does help. You talk with people that live the same thoughts, feelings, disappointments as you do. It is a start, and some of the things others have written has made me realize it is something we didn't ask for, but we have to deal with.
Knowing there are others that truly do understand, that truly care helps so much.
Keep posting, you get great and much wanted support from others.
You are in my thoughts.
Warmie
I understand your frustration at not getting better. I have also suffered for a long time. Please keep trying. Perhaps therapy wasn't beneficial because the therapist was not a good fit for you....you could find another one and try again. I am sure over time they can help you with your trust issues. Have you exhausted all possible medical treatments for your depression? I am looking into a relatively new thing called TMS transcranial magnetic stimulation because I too am desperate for relief and will try anything at this point.
I know it is so hard, believe me I do, but keep trying to engage with people as much as you can and not isolate yourself away. Even writing on here is a form of engagement.
I am sorry you are in pain. We have to keep hoping that we can get better.
I know it is so hard, believe me I do, but keep trying to engage with people as much as you can and not isolate yourself away. Even writing on here is a form of engagement.
I am sorry you are in pain. We have to keep hoping that we can get better.
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
- Posts: 29195
- Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
- Contact:
Thank you very much for your kind words,
I really am struggling so much, I find it hard to speak to/be near other people. I think that the therapy fails because I cannot be near the therapists. I cannot trust them, I cant open up to them. I saw 1 for nearly 2 years and said very little no matter how much I tried. I wrote some things down but then curled up when she asked anything. I was so frightened. I sat right behind the door so I could get out as soon as I felt a panic attack coming on.
I only take the kids to school and as soon as I am in, that is it. I cannot even face going to family functions any more. I have failed in all I tried and also failed my children now as they don't get very many places.
I really am struggling so much, I find it hard to speak to/be near other people. I think that the therapy fails because I cannot be near the therapists. I cannot trust them, I cant open up to them. I saw 1 for nearly 2 years and said very little no matter how much I tried. I wrote some things down but then curled up when she asked anything. I was so frightened. I sat right behind the door so I could get out as soon as I felt a panic attack coming on.
I only take the kids to school and as soon as I am in, that is it. I cannot even face going to family functions any more. I have failed in all I tried and also failed my children now as they don't get very many places.
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
- Posts: 29195
- Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
- Contact:
(((((((((((( keluca ))))))))))))))))
You try, all that can be asked. It is so hard to deal with your feelings and life, they sometimes seem to do battle. Writing things down helps me so very much. Glad you are doing or have done that.
Do remember we are here for you, anytime. Write away, get the feelings out, support is what you will receive. How old are the children? Are they old enough to understand some of what is going on with you? You don't have to answer, was just wondering.
The struggle is hard, especially if people 'don't get' you are trying. Keep going one small step at a time, one hell of a battle, but I don't see you giving up. You know your limits and you do listen to the inner self. That in itself is a very difficult thing to accomplish, I think it is.
You have that inner strength, it does show, rely on it and rely on us, your family here. All good thoughts coming your way with warm hugs to help.
Warmie
You try, all that can be asked. It is so hard to deal with your feelings and life, they sometimes seem to do battle. Writing things down helps me so very much. Glad you are doing or have done that.
Do remember we are here for you, anytime. Write away, get the feelings out, support is what you will receive. How old are the children? Are they old enough to understand some of what is going on with you? You don't have to answer, was just wondering.
The struggle is hard, especially if people 'don't get' you are trying. Keep going one small step at a time, one hell of a battle, but I don't see you giving up. You know your limits and you do listen to the inner self. That in itself is a very difficult thing to accomplish, I think it is.
You have that inner strength, it does show, rely on it and rely on us, your family here. All good thoughts coming your way with warm hugs to help.
Warmie
Thank you for being so understanding
My little ones are 5, 9 and 12 and I love them so so much, but I feel like I fail them so much by not getting them out and about to places and seeing the world around them.
No one in my family know anything about any of this, not even my hubby, I fall apart when he is at work through the day and the children are at school, or when he is on nights and the kids are in bed. I wear that 'I'm ok' mask that a lot of us seem to use.
He near knew that I went to a counsellor. He doesn't know about any of the reasons as to why I am feeling so low either.
My little ones are 5, 9 and 12 and I love them so so much, but I feel like I fail them so much by not getting them out and about to places and seeing the world around them.
No one in my family know anything about any of this, not even my hubby, I fall apart when he is at work through the day and the children are at school, or when he is on nights and the kids are in bed. I wear that 'I'm ok' mask that a lot of us seem to use.
He near knew that I went to a counsellor. He doesn't know about any of the reasons as to why I am feeling so low either.
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
- Posts: 29195
- Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
- Contact:
((((((((((((( keluca )))))))))))))))))
We all have had to deal with so much alone, so yes, many in here do understand, including me.
Your children are at wonderful ages, the love they have for you is unconditional, believe that. It shows how much love you have for them when you feel you fail them in the slightest way. But you haven't. You are there for them, love them, take care of them, you put your needs and yourself behind the needs of them. That shows. So you don't take them out so much, there are many parents that don't do that and they are even concerned about it. So please give yourself the credit due to you.
When the time is right you will speak with your husband, the time has to be right for you, so in time, don't rush into things until you are sure of it.
Perhaps he doesn't see you as you see yourself? The masks are many and we use what we must, when we must. Think it is part of this thing we deal with.
I do hope you are getting support and understanding here, what it is all about. Peer support is good, for we do know what each other feels and deals with. Keep posting hon, you aren't alone.
Will keep you in thoughts and prayers, if all right.
Warmie
We all have had to deal with so much alone, so yes, many in here do understand, including me.
Your children are at wonderful ages, the love they have for you is unconditional, believe that. It shows how much love you have for them when you feel you fail them in the slightest way. But you haven't. You are there for them, love them, take care of them, you put your needs and yourself behind the needs of them. That shows. So you don't take them out so much, there are many parents that don't do that and they are even concerned about it. So please give yourself the credit due to you.
When the time is right you will speak with your husband, the time has to be right for you, so in time, don't rush into things until you are sure of it.
Perhaps he doesn't see you as you see yourself? The masks are many and we use what we must, when we must. Think it is part of this thing we deal with.
I do hope you are getting support and understanding here, what it is all about. Peer support is good, for we do know what each other feels and deals with. Keep posting hon, you aren't alone.
Will keep you in thoughts and prayers, if all right.
Warmie
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TackingIntoTheWind
- Posts: 1060
- Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:35 am
- Location: South Wales
I don't have any experience of being a parent, or being a woman, for that matter...
But, I know how difficult it is to cope with the world sometimes, when your depression is " on an incoming tide ", as it were. I feel that way now, I've managed to do everything I wanted to do today. Work, personal errands, social interaction...And, it's been a good day overall. I've got a lot done, and I've enjoyed the social interaction with my workmates.
But, there are times when I'm feeling low and tired, I do hide behind an ( Admittedly!
) idiosyncratic sense of humour, so I can hide how depressed and vulnerable I feel, so I can be out of the shop or situation while people are still trying to work out the punchline to my last joke, or trying to work out the relevance of my last obscure historical reference! 
So as (((( Mich )))) and (((( Warmie )))) said, let's all help each other to keep the hope of better days. Do keep posting, and take care of yourself, y'hear?!
But, I know how difficult it is to cope with the world sometimes, when your depression is " on an incoming tide ", as it were. I feel that way now, I've managed to do everything I wanted to do today. Work, personal errands, social interaction...And, it's been a good day overall. I've got a lot done, and I've enjoyed the social interaction with my workmates.
But, there are times when I'm feeling low and tired, I do hide behind an ( Admittedly!
) idiosyncratic sense of humour, so I can hide how depressed and vulnerable I feel, so I can be out of the shop or situation while people are still trying to work out the punchline to my last joke, or trying to work out the relevance of my last obscure historical reference!
So as (((( Mich )))) and (((( Warmie )))) said, let's all help each other to keep the hope of better days. Do keep posting, and take care of yourself, y'hear?!
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
- Posts: 29195
- Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
- Contact:
((((((((((((((( TackingIntoTheWind )))))))))))))))
You have the experience of being a human. All that matters.
Please that you day has been good, sometimes those days get far and few between. We all deal with things in our own way, yours, as I have seen is a great sense of humor. Wheter you are hiding behind it, it does bring smiles and laughter to others, me included. So thank you so for that.
We do our best, to give all the support we can, and the key word is 'we'. Thank you one and all for that.
((((((((( keluca ))))))))))) post away hon, we will do what we can to be here for you. Do please, take care.
((((((((((((((( Mich ))))))))))))) can't forget a hug for you
Warmie
You have the experience of being a human. All that matters.
Please that you day has been good, sometimes those days get far and few between. We all deal with things in our own way, yours, as I have seen is a great sense of humor. Wheter you are hiding behind it, it does bring smiles and laughter to others, me included. So thank you so for that.
We do our best, to give all the support we can, and the key word is 'we'. Thank you one and all for that.
((((((((( keluca ))))))))))) post away hon, we will do what we can to be here for you. Do please, take care.
((((((((((((((( Mich ))))))))))))) can't forget a hug for you
Warmie
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