Frans Thread !

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xn728
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Frans Thread !

Postby xn728 » Thu Apr 22, 2010 2:01 am

You already know a little bit about my lovely Wife Fran ,,she has lung problems and suffers from panic and anxiety disorder ,,and also is showing the early stages of MS,,,as some of you may know this week has been really bad for Frans lung and breathing difficulties ,,we got antibiotics last night ,and some steriods that will open up the passages in her lungs so she may breathe a little better ,,last night wasnt so bad ,she managed to get to sleep and didnt wake till 5am this morning ,,im downstairs at the moment ,fran has fallen asleep again and in a moment i will sit for ten minutes in the kitchen with a nice cup of tea ,and prepare myself mentally for the day ahead ,she creid a lot yesterday ,,some tears from pain,,some tears for the pain she said she could see written in my face ,
the panic and anxiety disorder is a strange and very hard thing to live with with ,,and can be present everytime we leave the house ,,every car
journey we make ,and will make her lung problems even worse ,a slight thought of not being able to breathe ,can and will turn into a panic atack
of massive proportions ,,OK i think i deserve that cup of tea now ,so depending on how the day progresses ill try to add more later . I will talk more about the panic and anxiety disorder here soon ,many here suffer this terrible illness and i have never really mentioned how it effects Fran and myself its very complicated it has given us awful unbelieveable days. feel free to comment if you like. ,,,,just now Fran sleeps peacefully ,and i feel calm ,and fairly ok ,,oh mich i do still have my happy ,but ive got it kept safe just for the time being ,take care my dear freinds hugs to you (((((all))))) love Ken and Fran xxxx

Mich
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Postby Mich » Thu Apr 22, 2010 6:30 am

I'm so sorry that your Fran suffers so. I hope the medications bring her much relief. I'll be thinking of you both. (((((Fran & Ken)))))

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crystalgaze
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Postby crystalgaze » Thu Apr 22, 2010 7:47 am

I hope she will have some relief too..... Sending well wishes to you both!

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xn728
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hugs ((((((mich onika))))))

Postby xn728 » Thu Apr 22, 2010 9:21 am

mich and onika ,,ill plant those wishes from you both on her forehead as she sleeps tonight ,,thankyou xxx,,,she will want for nothing as long as im alive ,,she talks of dying when shes like this ,,but i can only imagine what it feels like to fight for each breathe you take ,,she says its like drowning over and over ,,terrible ,,,her hands shake badly and her eyes have got those terrible red rings round them ,,poor lass ,,,,but she will get better
ive decided i may not go back to work anymore ,well discuss it when shes better ,,but she shouldent be left alone really ,,,ok you take care my dear freinds and well talk again soon ..hugs (((((mich))))),,,hugs (((((onika))))
lots of love ken and fran xxxxx

Mich
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Postby Mich » Fri Apr 23, 2010 11:14 am

How is Fran today?

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xn728
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THANKYOU MICH

Postby xn728 » Fri Apr 23, 2010 1:19 pm

Oh Mich thankyou for asking ,,Fran is not good im afraid ,,yesterday she seemed to pick up but today she struggles once more ,,im doing all i can ,
the warmer the weather gets the worse it is for her ,,we have the air purifier going ,,the air conditioner and a fan ,she is very strong willed ,,and she is adamant she will not go to hostpital ,,,last night in bed she said if anything happens to her i must get a small dog for company ,,
sounds funny i suppose ,,shame i didnt laugh!!,,i thought we would be looking ahead around ten years before she was this poorly ,so i dont know anymore ,,maybe the visitor has gone ,because the powers that govern
our destinys knew i would need my strentgh for this battle i fight now ,,Or maybe this is the next stage in my torment ,to watch my wife destroyed ,
whilst being destroyed myself in the whole process,i am very strong as you know ,but to see my loved one like this is becomeing more than i can bear ,im sure anyone in my shoes would understand ,i am being the warrior ,but fatique is against me ,i need her to sleep tonight if only for a few hours ,so we can both rest ,,Dont worry mich flower ,we,ll be alright
we just got to get on with it ,,,i know your suffering just now as are lots of my freinds ,,we,ll just about all of you ,,be strong and safe i,ll talk more soon
thinking of you ,,hugs (((((mich))))),,,,hugs (((((dear freinds))))),,lots of love ken and fran xxxxx

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xn728
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FEELING SO ANGRY AND LOW

Postby xn728 » Sat Apr 24, 2010 9:26 am

Fran just says now ,,all she want to do is feel better or die ,,as much as im doing for her ,i feel useless and powerless ,,,my own depression is getting worse by the hour ,,being stuck in the house and not getting out is just soul destroying ,,frans says her chest is so painful ,,it feels like its on fire ,,i feel an anger and the darkness inside is coming to the surface again ,,i know what is going to happen here ,,she will feel well in a few days ,and i will be so gratefully thankful ,,,but it will have destroyed me ,and darkness will have returned to my life ,,ive even thought at one point while fran has been bad ,of bringing up the thought of us making one last journey together if things got to bad ,,im against the wall right now and all the guns are pointed at my heart ,,im just waiting for the Visitor to shout ready ,aim, fire ,,or maybe i sould just shout it out .heaven is a place on earth they say ,,but hell is here also ,its the only door i can find just now ,
my freinds i am doing all i can ,but its hard and i must be free to write it here ,for otherwise it will destroy my mind ,and i need it just for the time being ,,and just to finish now im done about myself and fran ,,,im really wishing for you all to feel better soon ,,praying to the force of life itself every morning ,,so please if should fall silent ,i will always be somewere in the dark ,cold and frightening as it can sometimes be ,,i find the solitude comforting in some way i cant quite explain ,,,Keep us all safe tonight and everynight ,,tommorrow and everyday for ever and ever ,,,
hugs my (((((dear freinds)))))

lisalou
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Postby lisalou » Sat Apr 24, 2010 2:50 pm

dearest ken,i can but imagine the pain and worry of watching the one you love battle with such an awful illness,it sounds like it's completely tearing you both up. you are both such strong and special people and really deserve some respite. poor fran must get really scared not being able to breathe properly,no wonder she gets so panicky. I wish you continued love and strength for the days ahead and hope her condition stabilises a bit

Mich
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Postby Mich » Sun Apr 25, 2010 8:09 am

Ken - I am so sorry Fran is doing poorly. I know this is taking a horrible toll on you both and I pray for it to get better. I am thinking of you both and just wishing there was something I could do.

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xn728
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THINKING OF YOU ALL ,,,SORRY

Postby xn728 » Tue Apr 27, 2010 2:35 pm

Hello all my dear freinds ,,thankyou so much for your messages ,,the last couple of days have been just terrible ,,but today we have a little improvement ,,dont know the reason for this ,it just happens that way ,,
fran could wake up in the morning and feel bad again ,,i brought up the question about having oxygen and got in trouble ,,oooops ,,but im going to try and talk about it with the doctor somehow ,?,,we havent had a good nights sleep for ages ,,and once or twice ive found myself really feeling like breaking down ,,god knows were im finding the strentgh ,,,Fran sees the practice nurse tommorrow ,so we may get some questions asked in there ,,its very frightening when fran has these attacks ,,the breathing gets faster ,,then hyperventalation and then that triggers the panic ,it must be unbearable for Fran ,,theres no wonder she thinks she will die ,,
ok my dearest freinds ill have to go now ,,ill talk again soon ,,i hope you will all do ok ,,im sorry your all so ill ,,thinking of you all ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
hugs ((((((((((all my dear freinds )))))))))),,,lots of love ken and fran xxxx

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xn728
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A QUICK NOTE

Postby xn728 » Wed Apr 28, 2010 2:56 am

just thought id add this from last nights post ,,Fran sleept through the night ,last night and thats a very good siqn ,,she feels better than yesterday ,,just so glad ,,during the bad part of frans illness i forgot to order my meds so i have not had anything for four days ,,i feel very depressed and low mentallly and physhicly ,,i can pick my meds up today at 12 pm ,,so once i get some down my neck i should be ok ,,,,
stay safe my dear freinds ,,so worried about you all
hugs (((((to you all ))))) lots of love ken and franxxxxxxx,,,always here
and thinking of you all xxxxx

Mich
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Postby Mich » Wed Apr 28, 2010 12:38 pm

I'm so pleased to hear that Fran is doing better. I hope you are able to get out today to pick up your meds. Thinking of you both.....Mich.

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xn728
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MICH YOUR SO KIND THANKYOU

Postby xn728 » Wed Apr 28, 2010 1:01 pm

aaahhh ((((mich)))),,thankyou so much its nice to see you ,,im so sorry i havent been leaving messages on your threads ive been so busy ,,im really down very low just now ,,but ive got my meds ,,im going to have an early night ,,fran seems to be improving ,,thankyou for your kind thoughts ,,we need them right now ,,,you take care and be safe ,,i need to know you,will be here when i get back to normal ,,,and that goes for all my dear freinds bye for now mich hugs (((((mich ))))) lots of love ken and Fran xxxxxx

lisalou
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Postby lisalou » Wed Apr 28, 2010 2:32 pm

hiya kenny p,welcome home,glad to hear fran is a tiny bit better,wishing you both ongoing strength and may your love continue to keep you both afloat in sickness and in health

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xn728
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THANKYOU SO MUCH LISA XXX

Postby xn728 » Wed Apr 28, 2010 2:53 pm

thankyou (((((lisa))))),for your kind words ,,fran seems to be slowly improving ,,at my mental expense ,,but that doesnt matter ,,i would lay my life down so she may live ,,,,but we will both recover that i do know ,, as with mich ,im glad to see you post ,,i know you are safe also ,,and as i said to mich sorry i havent been talking to you on your threads but things have been very hard ,,,you take care lisa i know things are still tough for you ,,i need to know you will be here along with all your sisters ,when i return to normal ,,,,,
hugs (((((lisa )))))),,,,,so grateful your all my freinds ,,lots of love ken and fran xxxxx


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