I went to my standard psych appt today. At my last session, I did not get very deep into my trauma issues so for this appt I decided I better dive in and try to express my feelings about it. So I am doing that...telling stories from my past that were disturbing to me, talking about my feelings all the while staring at the floor(which is what I usually do). Suddenly I see a movement out of the corner of my eye. I look up and I see my psychiatrist with his eyes closed. I yell "are you SLEEPING?" then I get up off my chair and say goodbye Dr. F. I believe that movement I saw out of the corner of my eye was his head bobbing around in sleep.
The humiliation is so great. I don't know if I can go back. I have invested so many years with him and finally got to a place where I trusted him with my trauma just in the last 6 months or so. I cannot imagine starting the therapy process over again with someone else.
I feel hurt and small and unimportant...like my issues are trivial and don't matter. I take things like this very personally and it likely will be quite a while before I recover.
Devastated at Psychiatrist Appt
Moderators: Sunlily92, windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
-
shatteredhopes
- Posts: 664
- Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:39 am
- Location: U.S.
(((((((((Mich)))))))))) That is truly HORRIBLE! Is there any board or credentialing agency or anything you can report this too? He needs to be reprimanded, as that is just plain awful.
I am so sorry you experienced that after you had such a difficult time opening up and were discussing severe trauma issues when he most needed to be on his toes. I know the thought of starting over with someone else seems impossible and overwhelming, but honestly I have thought for a long time your doctor was not doing right by you to not help you more cope with the in between times and giving you more positive coping mechanisms than starving yourself and cutting and overdosing. I know I had a therapist one time who would not let me get into anything to heavy in the last 25 minutes or so of the session. That time was used to bring me "up" from whatever we had covered that was difficult and help me plan for how to get through the coming hours and days and always ended the session on a positive note.
Horrible as it is, maybe look at is as a blessing in disguise if it forces you to get to a better doctor who can really help you more and do right by you so you can heal. What you have been through in your life is just too traumatic to have a doctor who shows such horrid disrespect and insensitivity.
No wonder you feel so insignificant, after being treated like dirt we feel like we are dirt...but ultimately we have to remind ourselves it is THOSE WHO TREAT US DISPICABLY who are at fault, and we as human beings have worth and deserve better.
I hope you will report him to someone and change doctors ((((((((Mich))))))))); you deserve better and you deserve a full 'partner' in treatment that is geared to helping you heal. I am so sorry that that happened to you my sister, my friend. I send my love, for what its worth, I think you are pretty darn wonderful.
I am so sorry you experienced that after you had such a difficult time opening up and were discussing severe trauma issues when he most needed to be on his toes. I know the thought of starting over with someone else seems impossible and overwhelming, but honestly I have thought for a long time your doctor was not doing right by you to not help you more cope with the in between times and giving you more positive coping mechanisms than starving yourself and cutting and overdosing. I know I had a therapist one time who would not let me get into anything to heavy in the last 25 minutes or so of the session. That time was used to bring me "up" from whatever we had covered that was difficult and help me plan for how to get through the coming hours and days and always ended the session on a positive note.
Horrible as it is, maybe look at is as a blessing in disguise if it forces you to get to a better doctor who can really help you more and do right by you so you can heal. What you have been through in your life is just too traumatic to have a doctor who shows such horrid disrespect and insensitivity.
No wonder you feel so insignificant, after being treated like dirt we feel like we are dirt...but ultimately we have to remind ourselves it is THOSE WHO TREAT US DISPICABLY who are at fault, and we as human beings have worth and deserve better.
I hope you will report him to someone and change doctors ((((((((Mich))))))))); you deserve better and you deserve a full 'partner' in treatment that is geared to helping you heal. I am so sorry that that happened to you my sister, my friend. I send my love, for what its worth, I think you are pretty darn wonderful.
HELLO MICH ,THINKING OF YOU XXX
oh (((((mich)))) hello my dearest freind you came to see how i was even though all this was going on in your life ,how kind you are ,,and me not being around and making you worry im so sorry ,are you ok dont let this episode knock you back mich ,so many things happen in all our lifes ,but we must get up and brush ourselves down and carry on ,,the last four days i couldent be bothered to shave looked a bit like grizzly adams lol,
but im up and about now ,,and your doctors unforgiveable display ,,,,,,
how dare they treat you this way ,it was nothing to do with you mich there behavour for what ever reason was terrible and should be punished in some way ,,i used to have a mental nurse ring me every friday to chat to me ,,used to talk to me like i was 2 years old ,then one day while i was talking i could hear whispering to someone ,i just hung up and ingnored her calls from then on ,,please mich be strong girl ,its hard i know ,we all love you here mich ,and remember when you come here we will always listen and will talk to you about your problems you will never be ignored mich never ,,,,reach out mich and i will catch your fall ,,hugs (((((mich))))) lots of love ken xn728xxxx
but im up and about now ,,and your doctors unforgiveable display ,,,,,,
how dare they treat you this way ,it was nothing to do with you mich there behavour for what ever reason was terrible and should be punished in some way ,,i used to have a mental nurse ring me every friday to chat to me ,,used to talk to me like i was 2 years old ,then one day while i was talking i could hear whispering to someone ,i just hung up and ingnored her calls from then on ,,please mich be strong girl ,its hard i know ,we all love you here mich ,and remember when you come here we will always listen and will talk to you about your problems you will never be ignored mich never ,,,,reach out mich and i will catch your fall ,,hugs (((((mich))))) lots of love ken xn728xxxx
-
crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
((((((((((( Mich ))))))))))))) Every one has said what I would have said.
Now, it's time for some pep talk! Mich, this recovery is about you! Screw him! Don't let that F-er stand in your way & get you down, alright!?
You are doing GOOD! I understand how you are feeling, but don't give up entirely, ya?
This is easier said than done, but don't take it personally! & the reason I say that--from my own experiences--is that all that does is to destroy you!
You extend your hand & people don't want it.... Screw them! Your hands are as good enough as anyone else's. They want to pull attitude, SO CAN YOU!
Take care milady & don't you dare throw in the towel!
Edit: I also had a thought for you.... I know you said you weren't eating well.... Have you tried eating some yogurt? Applesauce? (You know, stuff you don't have to chew but can still help you keep up your strength?) Did you try juices? or like juice mixed with water? in a sort of half + half format if you are worried about calories?
Just a double thinking of you! Ya?!
Now, it's time for some pep talk! Mich, this recovery is about you! Screw him! Don't let that F-er stand in your way & get you down, alright!?
You are doing GOOD! I understand how you are feeling, but don't give up entirely, ya?
This is easier said than done, but don't take it personally! & the reason I say that--from my own experiences--is that all that does is to destroy you!
You extend your hand & people don't want it.... Screw them! Your hands are as good enough as anyone else's. They want to pull attitude, SO CAN YOU!
Take care milady & don't you dare throw in the towel!
Edit: I also had a thought for you.... I know you said you weren't eating well.... Have you tried eating some yogurt? Applesauce? (You know, stuff you don't have to chew but can still help you keep up your strength?) Did you try juices? or like juice mixed with water? in a sort of half + half format if you are worried about calories?
Just a double thinking of you! Ya?!
hello mich
hey mich how are you doing ,,i hope your feeling a little better ,,please try to talk to your freinds soon ,,lisa and onika are missing you ,,see you later mich bye for now (((((hugs mich ))))),,lots of love ken xxx
I feel so despondent at not being heard by my psychiatrist at my last appointment. Perhaps I have never been heard at all. My husband also shows a lack of interest in what I am saying. Very often I can tell he has zoned out when I start talking and all I get is a "hmmmm" in response. He always has plenty of energy for telling his own stories but he is not so great at listening to me. The end result is that I shut down and stop talking. Not being heard makes me feel incompetent and so I turn to the thing that makes me feel some competency: anorexia. I may not be interesting enough to listen to but boy, can I lose weight. It's a bad response, I know, but one that is very much mired in sorrow. It's as if I want to say "I can hurt myself more than you can hurt me"...if you won't hear me, see my pain in my thinness, in my bones, in my gaunt and pale face. I suppose I should work on making myself more "listenable", more interesting, more entertaining. Then people would be able to stay awake while I am talking.
I have my next appointment on Wednesday. I don't think I am even going to talk to the doctor about this incident. Between now and then I will just try to put it behind me. It really will be hard to talk from now on though. I will wonder if he is nodding off and will feel that I have to look up to check. My deepest, darkest feelings about my trauma and he falls asleep. It makes me feel like I don't matter at all. I don't know why I go through this day after day. It is pure torture to exist in this state of depression and anorexia and I pray that I will be taken in my sleep.
I have my next appointment on Wednesday. I don't think I am even going to talk to the doctor about this incident. Between now and then I will just try to put it behind me. It really will be hard to talk from now on though. I will wonder if he is nodding off and will feel that I have to look up to check. My deepest, darkest feelings about my trauma and he falls asleep. It makes me feel like I don't matter at all. I don't know why I go through this day after day. It is pure torture to exist in this state of depression and anorexia and I pray that I will be taken in my sleep.
GO ON MICH
he will listen ,as i am listening to you now ,,and you will tell him mich ,look at him ,let him know your watching him ,,if you were taken in your sleep ,i would fly on my dark wings and bring you back ,,dont talk of these things ,,tonight when i sleep ,the good in me will stand at your door and keep the darkness away ,,look after yourself dear freind hugs mich
(((((mich))))),,love ken xxx
(((((mich))))),,love ken xxx
-
shatteredhopes
- Posts: 664
- Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:39 am
- Location: U.S.
(((((((((((Mich))))))))))))) please say something to him. What he did is inexcusable...he is being paid to listen to you and treat you and there is no justification for him sleeping on the job when you are at your most vulnerable talking about severe trauma...what if he were a heart surgeon? Would it be okay to nod off when your rib cage is open and he is in the middle of delicate surgery? SAME THING MY DEAR!
I know it is hard to stand up for ourselves when we suffer PTSD and feel like dirt because we have been treated as dirt by many. What helped me file my complaint against that awful hospital was that many cannot speak for or fully comprehend the wrongs for themselves. So if you cannot speak up for yourself, speak up because if he does it to you he may do it to others and what if someone else goes home and kills themself after such a thing? So stand up for the others he may do this to as a good deed!
You are a wonderful person ((((((((((Mich))))))))) and are not insignificant here or to your children or even your husband even though he is sometimes very insensitive in his lack of understanding. You count. You matter. Please don't let this jerk get away with this...he needs to apologize immediately or file a complaint with his superior! Please! If not for yourself for others he may do this to who may not be as strong as you...you are thinking of starving yourself more because of this, what if he does it to someone who kills themself? Please speak up...
We are behind you and thoughts will be with you for your next appointment. That therapist I mentioned...well maybe it wasn't 25 minutes but I do know she shifted the conversation and sometimes went over on time just so we could always end on some positive note, otherwise I couldn't have coped as much between sessions...maybe you need to set some guidelines for Dr. Jerk so he can help you instead of hurting you.
I am sooooo sorry this awful doctor did that to you. You DO deserve much better.
I know it is hard to stand up for ourselves when we suffer PTSD and feel like dirt because we have been treated as dirt by many. What helped me file my complaint against that awful hospital was that many cannot speak for or fully comprehend the wrongs for themselves. So if you cannot speak up for yourself, speak up because if he does it to you he may do it to others and what if someone else goes home and kills themself after such a thing? So stand up for the others he may do this to as a good deed!
You are a wonderful person ((((((((((Mich))))))))) and are not insignificant here or to your children or even your husband even though he is sometimes very insensitive in his lack of understanding. You count. You matter. Please don't let this jerk get away with this...he needs to apologize immediately or file a complaint with his superior! Please! If not for yourself for others he may do this to who may not be as strong as you...you are thinking of starving yourself more because of this, what if he does it to someone who kills themself? Please speak up...
We are behind you and thoughts will be with you for your next appointment. That therapist I mentioned...well maybe it wasn't 25 minutes but I do know she shifted the conversation and sometimes went over on time just so we could always end on some positive note, otherwise I couldn't have coped as much between sessions...maybe you need to set some guidelines for Dr. Jerk so he can help you instead of hurting you.
I am sooooo sorry this awful doctor did that to you. You DO deserve much better.
let my freind see some light
let my dear freind (((((mich))))),see some light today ,,hugs (((mich)))
love ken xx
love ken xx
-
TackingIntoTheWind
- Posts: 1060
- Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:35 am
- Location: South Wales
Okaaay, I'm no expert when it comes to psychiatric medicine, but I can't help but feel that your sessions with your psychiatrist might be more effective if HE WAS ACTUALLY AWAKE!!!!
Nodding off really wasn't very professional on his part! Was it?!!!!
Please don't let this impact your self-worth, ( Easier said than done, I know!
), perhaps as (((( shatteredhopes & lisalou )))) talked about, might you think about getting a better psychiatrist? ( One who remains conscious throughout the session?!!!! )
Please don't let this knock you too far back, you're too important to us, y'hear?!!!!!!!!
Nodding off really wasn't very professional on his part! Was it?!!!!
Please don't let this impact your self-worth, ( Easier said than done, I know!
), perhaps as (((( shatteredhopes & lisalou )))) talked about, might you think about getting a better psychiatrist? ( One who remains conscious throughout the session?!!!! )
Please don't let this knock you too far back, you're too important to us, y'hear?!!!!!!!!
I am still thinking about this "falling asleep" thing. I have a really bad habit of taking things, turning them into the worst negative possible and then really running with them. I use it as an open door to put myself down and convince myself that I don't matter in this world. Once I get started, each negative thought feeds on the next and it is hard to pull out of it. I seem to want an excuse to be bad to myself. I have had a rough start to the day. After my kids went to school at 8:30, I jumped back into bed until noon. I did not eat breakfast and when I woke up at noon did not feel the least bit of hunger so am skipping lunch as well. My words fall on deaf ears so I communicate with the anorexia. The thinner I get, the more people know I am suffering. They do not have to listen to any words; they can see it as a picture. It is a way of punishing myself for being the type of person that no one wants to listen to. Bad me. Bad bad me.
It would not be a simple thing to change psychiatrists. I have 5 years invested with this guy and he was the one that brought my anorexia into remission for several years. He is the only one I trust with my information and it would take me additional years and years to get to that place with someone else. I suppose I will bring up the "falling asleep thing" at tomorrow's appt and see how he responds. It did hurt me deeply and caused me to burrow even further into depression and anorexia. I am in that terrible place where I am consumed totally by sadness and despair. My chest is heavy and aching with sorrow. My head feels stuffed with cotton. Moving is difficult, sitting upright is difficult, just being present in the world is so damn difficult.
My kids came home yesterday with a story that someone who used to be in school with them in the lower grades had committed suicide. He was 16. My kids' reaction was "why would anyone want to do that to themselves?" Thankfully they have not been touched by despair, hopelessness or misery in their young lives. It is so tragic when one so young takes that action.
I am determined to stay upright for the rest of the day. I am going to go cut up some chicken for my family's dinner (I HATE doing that) and then read some Spanish (concentration willing). Maybe if I stay up and accomplishing something I will have the strength to eat something.
It would not be a simple thing to change psychiatrists. I have 5 years invested with this guy and he was the one that brought my anorexia into remission for several years. He is the only one I trust with my information and it would take me additional years and years to get to that place with someone else. I suppose I will bring up the "falling asleep thing" at tomorrow's appt and see how he responds. It did hurt me deeply and caused me to burrow even further into depression and anorexia. I am in that terrible place where I am consumed totally by sadness and despair. My chest is heavy and aching with sorrow. My head feels stuffed with cotton. Moving is difficult, sitting upright is difficult, just being present in the world is so damn difficult.
My kids came home yesterday with a story that someone who used to be in school with them in the lower grades had committed suicide. He was 16. My kids' reaction was "why would anyone want to do that to themselves?" Thankfully they have not been touched by despair, hopelessness or misery in their young lives. It is so tragic when one so young takes that action.
I am determined to stay upright for the rest of the day. I am going to go cut up some chicken for my family's dinner (I HATE doing that) and then read some Spanish (concentration willing). Maybe if I stay up and accomplishing something I will have the strength to eat something.
eat something mich x
its good to see you talking mich ,please try to eat something,,,hugs (((mich))),,,,,goodnight ,love ken x
I am glad that you are going to try and bring up his sleeping to him. I think you really need to have this acknowledged. I know how it feels not to be heard,i felt rejected by my mum and was a quiet,bullied child at school,never felt i fitted in anywhere. But please try to stop punishing yourself and destroying your own body. I know how it is for anorexia to become its own language, to communicate 'look at me,i am hurting' but we,your family and your psychiatrist do already know this and want to help you. Try to turn all your anorexic determination and focus onto your recovery! I'd love it if you could love yourself enough to set goals not related to losing weight,to have rewards for yourself. I have made a list of little things I like and try to 'reward' myself with one every time i am having a particularly awful day. Ideas you might want to borrow include : buying yourself flowers, curling up and watching a favourite DVD. lying down and chilling out with some candles
Mich, i will always listen to you
Love Lisa xxxxx
Mich, i will always listen to you
Love Lisa xxxxx
I am so sorry ...I cannot imagine you wasting all of that time with such a Dr. Now it all makes sense... This was not a bad thing ((((((Mich))))))) it is a good thing...good because now you can get someone who knows how to help you instead of suck you dry and not care about really helping you! What a douche bag he is...sorry, got that one from my kids, but for him it is appropriate. I am trying to see the positive as you all are teaching me to do...and taking all of the advice in... Please report him as shattered suggested and get a new dr. (((((((Mich)))))))
Return to “Living with Depression and other Related Health Concerns”
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 11 guests