Trying to keep a positive outlook
Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2010 7:19 pm
I began the day with somewhat of a positive outlook on my life. As I drove my car, I began thinking that perhaps, in some instances, forward progress requires some side stepping or backwards movement. Put another way--perhaps I needed to hit rock bottom and feel as though everything in my life was falling apart so that I could figure out what it is that I truly want and straighten out all of the problems that I have faced for so many years.
I was starting to think that although things have been tough lately, things are really starting to fall into place.
That was this morning. One basketball practice and a couple of hours later, I couldn't feel any worse. My coach is brutal sometimes. I try not to listen to her negative comments or take them to heart, but the truth is, I can't help it. By the middle of practice I was feeling completely and entirely inadequate. My body was going through the motions but I couldn't muster the strength to really try and be excited. I didn't want to be there. But then again, I didn't really want to be anywhere. And I don't know how they fail to see it. I don't know how my coaches and teammates manage NOT to notice that I am not only feeling bad about my play, but so depressed that I don't even know what to do with myself.
I counted down the minutes of practice feeling so alone, walked back to my room by myself, and here I am.
I realize now that my life is far from being back together again. I'm not sure what to do. My college career has been marked by academic and athletic accomplishments....but I'm a disaster.
Most often I find myself wishing I could see who and what it is that other people think I am. I feel as if I'm just doing okay--just tredding water. I know that this is not the case. But I dont ever feel that way. My accomplishments don't bring me any happiness, but my failures (whether they be little things done on a daily basis or etc) make me absolutely miserable.
I know that i'm babbling and I have to run. But I was just wondering does anyone have suggestions as to how to stay focused on the good in life and prevent oneself from being drawn into the realm of self-destructive negative thinking?
I was starting to think that although things have been tough lately, things are really starting to fall into place.
That was this morning. One basketball practice and a couple of hours later, I couldn't feel any worse. My coach is brutal sometimes. I try not to listen to her negative comments or take them to heart, but the truth is, I can't help it. By the middle of practice I was feeling completely and entirely inadequate. My body was going through the motions but I couldn't muster the strength to really try and be excited. I didn't want to be there. But then again, I didn't really want to be anywhere. And I don't know how they fail to see it. I don't know how my coaches and teammates manage NOT to notice that I am not only feeling bad about my play, but so depressed that I don't even know what to do with myself.
I counted down the minutes of practice feeling so alone, walked back to my room by myself, and here I am.
I realize now that my life is far from being back together again. I'm not sure what to do. My college career has been marked by academic and athletic accomplishments....but I'm a disaster.
Most often I find myself wishing I could see who and what it is that other people think I am. I feel as if I'm just doing okay--just tredding water. I know that this is not the case. But I dont ever feel that way. My accomplishments don't bring me any happiness, but my failures (whether they be little things done on a daily basis or etc) make me absolutely miserable.
I know that i'm babbling and I have to run. But I was just wondering does anyone have suggestions as to how to stay focused on the good in life and prevent oneself from being drawn into the realm of self-destructive negative thinking?