Depression Understood Forums

I've had so many ups and downs lately that I sometimes just want to say "the hell with it all". It's so hard to keep up a front so my husband won't truly see what is going on and worry him even more. He has health issues of his own but is putting it off because of me. I don't know what I would do without him and I'm not saying that because I depend on him. It's the fact that he says he wouldn't know what to do without me and he cries while saying that. So I try hard everyday to hold things back and tell little white lies to him ensuring it wasn't a bad day. This is getting harder all the time. Every day I try to read this self-help book but it's slow going because I am always so tired. I can't just wish it away so instead I focus on his feelings. He's a very upbeat type of person and likes to kid around and joke. In a way he is like a child..he enjoys Christmas which hurts me more now because I can't fake a feeling of gaiety and happiness. But he's also good at keeping things from me so I don't worry as much. I feel so guilty heaping my shit on his shoulders or anyone else for that matter. I need to lay down.
Happy Holidays to you all

i was just going to bed when your post appeared ,i understand how hard it is to be depressed ,and have to hold most of it back ,ive protected my wife a two girls from my visitor for years now ,they know im poorly ,but
i dont allow them to see the demons within me ,we have to just carry on
im afraid ,this takes the courage only people like you and i know and
our many freinds here ,i can only offer you words ,and let the love and warmth of this forum carry you ,feel the hopes of us all around you ,
you are never alone here ,look with your mind and you will see us all around you ,waiting to steady you in case you stumble ,stay strong misty
you have weapons within you placed there by the very thing that trys to
destroy ,close your eyes and dig deep and you will find what you need to go on ,,what else can i say ,,,let me carry your pain while you rest for a
while ,reach out and we will catch your fall ,,goodnight dear freind ,,,xn728

Happy Holidays to you too Misty!

(((((((((((((((( Misty )))))))))))))))))

Know that you are not alone, know that you have friend that care for you, know that we will holding hands together and fight this, know that i will always here for you. Love you always friend

hugs
dandelion