Intensity

[Mich]

I can't say much right now. My depression is reaching an alarming intensity and I cannot fight all the urges to self harm. I am staying in today because I just cannot face another person. I may have to call the crisis line....even though it's useless...it's just so hard to cope with the overwhelming despair today. I am thinking of gobbling down the rest of my week's allotment of pills. The feeling to be destructive is so powerful. I need to snap my elastic!

[shatteredhopes]

Please (((((Mich))))) play the tape all the way through...side effects are mitigated when meds are taken in measured doses...if you take the whole week's worth, it might not be enough to kill you, but instead to cause permanent damage, such as to your liver...imagine having bathroom problems the rest of your life in addition to the depression, or having to go on dialysis for your kidneys, or slight brain damage. If you go a while without overdosing, maybe the doc would prescribe anxiety meds again. If you cut, your family may likely see the wounds and scars and you may get an infection. Would you want your daughter to do that to herself because mom does it, so it must be a way to cope? What if you got an infection that led to gangrene or blood poisoning and had to have an amputation?

Call the crisis line. Just because you had a not so good experience last time, you had an okay one before, so maybe give that a try.

Pet the dog. Let the dog lick you and love on the dog. Talk to the dog. I guarantee your dog will not judge you and will show you unconditional love no matter what you say.

Keep writing out your feelings! Writing seems to take a way a touch of the sting for me. I hope it can help you too. Please don't hurt yourself (((((Mich))))). We all care and know you are hurting badly, but in time the intensity you have at the moment will decrease a bit.

We have to believe healing is possible, somehow, someway, healing is possible.

Prayers for the intensity to decrease and a little light in your day...

[lisalou]

please please don't overdose mich, as shatteredhopes says, you don't know what the outcome could be. maybe you should take up some form of exercise like running or swimming to push out all these intense feelings and then you'd get the feel-good rush of endorphins too. maybe try something painful but constructive too like plucking your eyebrows or waxing your legs (OUUUUUUCH!) i hope you can be kind to yourself and get through the day

[crybaby1086]

((((Mish)))) You are a strong woman. You can get yourself through this with all of us by your side. I know you don't want to hurt yourself. So you need to find something to take your mind off of it. If you are going to take up heavy excercise (something I am doing now) you really need to make sure you eat enough to fuel your body. As for waxing your legs. I admit I did get a chuckle out of that. But hey it does hurt like the dickens and you end up with nice smooth legs
Not trying to make light of your situation, just trying to brighten it a bit.

[xn728]

dear mich ,i see you like this ,and wonder what ive become ,how can i pass you by ,while you reach out for some comfort,you could have taken those pills by now ,and i could never live with myself if you did ,but im sure you have the strong urge to carry on no matter how hard the pain ,why because your special ,your kind words have reached me many times ,and many of your freinds to,i see you huddeld in a tight ball alone
and frightened ,look at the words mich ,everyone loves you ,dont do this thing you speak of ,its not for you ,your not alone mich ,we are (all) here
looking for a siqn ,,whisper,,stand up mich ,stand up ,,,,,ken

[Mich]

To everyone - your kindness is overwhelming. It gives me strength and hope. People I have never met, extending such caring to me. I am so touched. Thank you my friends.
I have not taken any pills today. I did focus on my dog quite a bit and that got me through a good part of the day. My kids will be home soon and I have to be in control.
Waxing my legs....that's a great idea. They are like a wheat field right now too. Maybe tomorrow I can venture out and get a waxing kit.