Depression Understood Forums

I think I am finally strong enough again to post about what has been happening with me.

Well, let's see... I've been feeling a little strange lately overall. It doesn't seem to be any thing too serious, but I just don't feel like myself (e.g. tired/drained/exhausted, not sleeping properly again, etc.).

What caused a crash & burn for me recently was a thought occurring to me that perhaps I am not just only battling depression. It sort of came as a shock to me because I always thought, "It's depression. What I'm fighting & have been fighting all this time is depression."

Ah, while that's true, there's more to it than that. You see, sometimes I hear voices, see things (eyes playing tricks?), & so on.... That's the truth right there. It's not too bad [yet], apart from not feeling like myself about a week or 2 ago while holding the kitchen knife. If I had to think about it, I would say every thing is sort of mild right now.

All of this is a whole different thing all together, which just means I'll have to adapt to a different battle, go to the doctor [which I dread but will be necessary], & figure out what all to tell him/her.

I've been here all this time with these different things happening & just never thought much of any thing about them. Maybe I was only given what I could deal with at the time. I can be awfully forgetful at times, so things can tend to get buried some place, until I remember (& even then, am I recalling every thing properly/correctly??)....

What a huge sea of things to swim & sift through + filter...! My word!

(Right now, I'm trying to figure out a plan of action for the when, how & in what order to approach this fork in the path.)

I was very crushed at the realization.... It was like, "Yeah, okay! I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Nearly there!" I'm about to grasp for it when the tunnel gets longer & the light moves to a different location & I think to myself, "Darn..." Or actually reaching the end of the tunnel, stepping outside & after a while having the ground swallow me up again.

It's pretty funny because now I ask others about things I see to make sure I'm not hallucinating. I don't doubt myself, but how I see it, it's just good to check. After all, if 2 or more people see the same thing, they can't all be hallucinating, right??? ~lol~ Yeah, well, any way...

Now, what makes every thing even stranger/more difficult is that I believe I might be "gifted". I don't know if that's the way to describe it properly. Psychic? That's 1 way of looking at it, but nah, I don't think that's what it is....

I would more say it's heightened instinct/awareness, based on paying attention to detail (observations), which I'm decent at doing. (Really, I almost think any one can do it or develop it, but it may take some practice.) It has been correct in some way, shape or form, & I've had several affirmations & reaffirmations of it over the years. (I've had this thing from since I was a little girl, talking about stuff that happened long before it ever did & having my parents + other people look at me sort of dumbfounded. )

Later, I'll write more about what the "gift" does in another post.

This brings me to 1 other issue, which is: "Now, how do I tell the difference between what the gift does & the other set of symptoms I seem to have?"

I don't know why I keep getting such hard questions to answer. (...but whatever!)

onika, i think a lot of people occasionally see and hear things under extreme stress. but if you feel it's getting serious and outside the realm of what's 'normal' for you i'm glad you feel you can discuss it with your doctor and/or any therapist you're seeing

as for psychic ability, i definitely believe in it personally and i expect that's something you may have as well as any hallucinations youre experiencing. it sounds like there's been occasions when you've been proved right! if you ever want to help me choose my lottery numbers you're more than welcome...!

on a more serious note i'm really glad to see you here again and i wish you good luck with getting the help you want

I personally am convinced of a few things from my experience two times in my life in hearing voices. Mental illness sometimes forces the brain chemistry and impulses to react in ways to compensate for shortcomings in other areas of the brain...you have seen for instance a mentally handcapped person who is a whiz at numbers or playing the piano and composing music...I think that there are micro-black hole pockets (which many abstract theoretical scientists believe) that are like wormholes through time-space. Also, scientists postulate there are parallel universes in which there are infinite variations of ourselves of other things, some in our time frame, some before, some after...could it be my altered brain chemistry and mental illness somehow enables me to "pick up" things in other dimensions or across time-space...just as a dogs ears can hear things I cannot or an owls eyes sees things I do not, maybe I can hear things that are real in some dimension/parallel universe/place in our time-space some others cannot? Much more...I could go on and on...but I won't bore you with all my theories anymore.

The question for me is this: what are the voices saying? Are they harmful? Are they geling with reality or something I can confirm or deny with another or through research? Are they telling me to do something that doesn't seem right?

If they are harmful or deceitful or interfering with my ability to reasonably function, then I need to seek psychiatric help, because they can grow worse. In seeking psychiatrist, I must be aware of the limited, narrow-minded approach of many in the mental health profession that simply wanta drug the mess out of anyone who is different and don't believe in the paranormal.

Ghost hunters have recordings of voices people can't hear with the naked ear...EVPS...some of them are negative and cruel and harmful and threatening, some are not. Even if they are harmful, they still may very well be real. I just don't want to hear anything harmful. And they may also come from my mind, too, in delusional fashion.

So the trick for you is to find the right doctor! One who will not overmedicate away a true psychic gift or the cognitve functioning, creativity, whatever that the symptions also produce just because you are different.

I take a small dose of an anti-psychotic. Normally I don't have a problem, but twice in my life I have and don't want to risk it again. Especially given how upset I've been lately.

Sorry to ramble...hope you find answers!

i wonder onika if like myself ,you may be having a little phyhosis ,i red today that it can come and go ,you know how i see things ,i today i saw a horse and carrage from well ,a lot of years ago ,and then i was in a big room full of people and they were shouting at me and backing me into a corner ,as clear as day ,imagination is a wonderful thing i dont fear mine and would not be able to write how i do without the power to use the words in a meanigful way ,dont be afraid though onika it is the same mind that keeps you here ,we wont let it hurt you ,,,,,ken

Onika - It is good to see a post from you again. I was getting worried. I also hear a voice...only one and always the same one. It is quite menacing and I don't like it. I strongly believe you should talk to your doctor about it. I am also on a small dose of an antipsychotic to deal with these things.