Family get together....

[jonathan]

So this weekend I'm going out of town for a family get together. There'll probably be about 15 or so people there. And it scares me to be honest. This probably has more to do with my social anxiety, but any tips or ideas about it would be nice. I do love my family, it's not anything really against them, but for some reason I panic thinking about going and being around all those people, and eating. I'm not a big group person.

[crystalgaze]

Just wondering.... Are there a few people that you are cool with? You could try sticking with them or alternating between (let's say there's 2 people)?

Or what about maybe if there are activities.... You could focus on that more than the people?? (Do you all play board games or dominoes or something like that???)

Maybe a good place to start is: What do they usually do when there's a get together?

Ah... I'm not entirely sure.... You see.... I don't go to many family get togethers.... I can usually pull a cop-out because there's usually no one there my age or even close to my age any way.....

I would just mingle with them for a little bit (the small talk stuff usually how is school, etc..., for a bit so it doesn't look like you're entirely antisocial). You don't even have to say much. Then, after a while, I would try to slink away & find a spot to take out something you like to do & chill right there.... (e.g. PSP, DS, iPod/cd player/walkman,crossword puzzle, jumble, read the newspaper/magazines, watch TV/DVDs, bring a notepad to draw/doodle/write poetry, etc....)

You don't have to answer any thing you don't want to.... If there's something that makes you uncomfortable, skirt the issue. (e.g. Them: Have you found a gf yet? You: That's not where my head is at... <--& you're done! Stuff like that....)

Got stuff for school? Bring a little of it with you.... My folks always understood & would leave me to do whatever.... They would peep in on me, just to make sure I was alright & that was a wrap...

That's just me, though.... (how I managed....)

[jonathan]

Well, it'll be mostly adults. My sister will maybe be there, but I know some distant cousin of mine will be there. He's about the same age as me. I know he's in college too. I'm worried about talking with him too.

Being asked the girlfriend thing definitely worries me, cause I know it'll come up at some point. I hate lying, I feel like I wear my emotions on my sleeve all the time. But I'll do my best, I guess. Probably just say the usual, "Nope, no girls for me right now, haven't found the right one."

It'll probably just be cooking the meal/socializing/talking/eating. My family can do a LOT of talking hahaha. It's a southern family, and talking's what we do best.

Maybe my problem is just getting there, you know? I think once I get there, I might not be as uptight as I am sitting here thinking about it and scaring myself into oblivion. I appreciate your advice!

[crystalgaze]

I'm glad you see you are scaring yourself, as you put it.

About lying... You can put yourself at ease by just being extra careful with what you say, so technically you AREN'T lying....

"Nope, no girls for me right now...." <---That's not lying...
^---Looking for a diversion right about now?
If they want more of an explanation, start saying what you don't like in people in general.... Think about someone in 1 of your classes, whose personality you don't like.... Stick with that....

(I know some of my family members stopped with the significant other talk after I told them very firmly that I just wasn't interested & why.... It turns out there were a lot of people who just weren't my type.... They were into negative things {e.g. illegal drugs} that I just didn't like.... Oh yes, they stopped after a while....)

Sometimes, it is best to wait, build strength, more independence & then say what you want to say....

It's hard.... I am able to say all manner of things in front of my parents. However.... They have kind of looked at me & wondered a few good times.... I'm really in no hurry for any thing....

You see.... My hairstyle is a bald head.... & well... the 1st thing lots of people think around here is, "Oh! She's a lesbian...."

I have neither denied nor admitted it. The thing is people (out in the public) haven't seen me with ANYONE really, but that doesn't stop them from talking. I have no clue what I am just yet.... Maybe one day I'll wake up & know.... I don't know....

As Dido says "Take time to catch your breath & choose your moment..." You will have your moment. Stay strong as much as you can & take care. How did the counseling go?

[jonathan]

I can see myself just saying, "I'm in no hurry right now. I'm a senior, just trying to graduate." I'll keep that in mind, thanks again for the advice.

As far as the counseling goes, I haven't gone yet. I felt better for a few days; I talked a long time with a good friend of mine. She and I have gotten close over the last month or so, and I've opened up to her about this guy. She really put some things in perspective for me. She was a good source of strength.

But I'm definitely trying to figure out where my friendship with this guy I like is going. I have a chance to meet him in person this weekend, he lives a few hours away, close to where I'm going for the family thing, and I want to see if he decides to do it.

There's a lot of factors going on with him right now, kinda complicated. I just need to see how it plays out. If it goes bad, the counseling thing I'll go back to considering...though I might do it anyways. Blah, I'm just seeing how these next few days go haha. I'll update with more info.

[crystalgaze]

Glad to hear you found something that's working for you. Yay! ^_^

[crystalgaze]

Hi there jonathan... I just figured I would give you a buzz & check up on you. I hope you're doing okay. ^^)