Friday

[Mich]

I've got the kids off to school and now starts my routine of solitude and isolation. It's been almost 5 years since I held a job and now it's hard for me to believe that I ever was able to do that. I had a good job too....but now even the smallest responsibility seems like overload. What do I do all day? Every day I do a load of laundry and wash the kitchen floor. I usually do this regardless of how I am feeling. The rest of the day is spent either sleeping or on the computer. I am trying to learn Spanish as a second language and go to a lesson once per week so I often have homework from that. Let me tell you....that is a challenge. Trying to remember all the rules of a new language with this addled brain is quite the challenge. I get a few dog walks in as well. But sadly I think I spend most of my day lying down. Life is just a series of meaningless events.
I don't feel as if my crisis from Wednesday is over. I am still suffering from an agitated depression and feel very impulsive. I believe I should be in hospital but I know when I see my psych today he will do everything he can to keep me out of hospital and functioning in my regular life. My husband will not be pleased if I end up in hospital because that means he has to manage all the kids' activities etc. Today is our 16th anniversary and I am feeling sad that we are not bothering to do anything. My husband would rather go to his triathlon swimming training class so that really says all I need to know. Oh well. C'est la vie.

[crystalgaze]

Hi there Mich. ((((Mich))))

You can break your routine of solitude and isolation. Go easy on yourself & try to work on rebuilding your confidence.

You're doing Spanish. That sounds great! What are you doing? If you have a problem with it, ask! (I used to take classes as well a while back. I thought it was pretty fun, but you're right: There was always a lot of homework.)

"Life is just a series of meaningless events." ~whisper~ If you continue to think that way, that is all it is ever going to be....

So... Life is a series of events.... <----(change in thought) Some may be ultra-spectacular, spectacular, not-so-much so, ~roll eyes~, etc.

Take care & you can do it!

[davidf]

Mich your self talk is so negative,replace cant with can,you are the key hun,so what if your hubby goes training be pleased for him but remind him you love him that is all it has to be.You say you have no job and life is a string of meaningless activities,change your angle of viewing ,you look after dogs,you maintain a home,you care for you family,you are learning a new language.........how much of a job do you want.prospective mich is a tool you can use.When depression takes hold it wants to shut your body down reserve the vital energy and you must listen to your body you have it for life.We know it is hard to focus on a different view but please try and above all STOP kicking yourself for your feelings there are enough a**holes in the world that would do it for you.The knowledge that others in their 1000's are in your boat makes me feel one of a group(not a group anyone would want to join)but a group non the less.Stay strong,stay positive and my thoughts are with you.
xxx
I was talking to an elderly lady a while back and asked her if she was ok she said "I woke up and stretched out as far as i could with my arms..........i didnt feel any wood so the day is going to be ok "
hope you get it ,it made me smile.What an outlook