Depression Understood Forums

Today is therapy day and there are so many things I want to get out but often I cannot find the words. Sometimes I write things down but often I can't stand to see it in print either. My past holds many things that have tortured me forever and I am taking a leap of faith that in expressing them I may begin to feel better.
I worry that the pain in expressing these things may be too great for me to handle and that I will lose control of my emotions. I worry that the whole experience will be just too overwhelming. Perhaps these things are better left buried. I just don't know any more. In my darkness I naturally think of my own demise quite a bit. I don't feel impulsive like I am about to act on it but I need to ponder it a lot. Even though I have a family, I don't feel like I have anything to live for and I worry that my presence is actually reducing their quality of life. I am greatly reducing the joy that should exist in a family. It's natural to think about whether they would be better off without me. For today, I will choose to fight and will myself to believe that there is something better out there for me.

hello mich ,after reading your posts for the last week or so .im really pleased to read this .i have done many bad things and to torture myself .so im pleased your thinking positively ,i saw my therapist today
and was told something bad and very negative ,and i was going to post it
but im not going to now .it came as no surprise to me and i was glad the therapist admitted it .it would only apply to me ,but i dont want to tarnish your posative day ,it can wait xn728

Hiya mich,how did therapy go? hope it helped,sometimes although we can't change our past or get rid of our pain immediately it's good to be heard. keep fighting

lots of love,lisa x

p.s. did you get the personal message i sent you the other day? it's in my outbox rather than sentbox so i don't know if that means it didn't get through

((((Mich)))) This is just adding a second to the query of how therapy went. Please share when/if you can.

I think you might feel better after saying what it is that has been robbing you of your joy. It may not come now or right this minute, but I believe it will happen for you. It did for me. I'm really glad I said what bothered me. I cried about it. I was upset about it. But in the end, I'm standing & it's not.

I am going to hope that your result is the same as mine. I am functioning a lot better after facing the many painful things & telling them that I was taking back my life & that they would rob me no further.

Our temperaments are not all the same, but really, I hope by doing this you will find a way to be happier in the end.

It took me some years, but I'm finally standing. Every day is a different challenge, but I'm standing. I'm not just hanging on either. I'm standing. It's by no means perfect (the way I'm standing) but it's more manageable.

We all stand in different ways... but we do. Thanks, Gaze. Great way to put things in perspective.